The following story ran today, from wire reports:

Associated Press
SANTA ANA, Calif. -- "Actress Tawny Kitaen, wife of Cleveland Indians 
pitcher Chuck Finley, was charged Wednesday with spousal abuse and 
battery for allegedly attacking her husband.

Kitaen was arrested Monday night after arguing with Finley as they 
drove home from dinner, said Tori Richards, spokeswoman for the Orange 
County district attorney's office.

She was released from jail Wednesday night and left in a limousine. She 
did not speak as she walked past a gauntlet of reporters and 
photographers.

The charges were revealed the same day Finley was scheduled to make his 
season debut against his former team, the Anaheim Angels, for whom he 
pitched for 14 seasons.

Finley was scratched from his start and did not come to the stadium. 
Ryan Drese got the start in Finley's place.

Indians general manager Mark Shapiro said there was nothing physically 
wrong with Finley, but, "Chuck called me today to say that he wouldn't 
be able to make the game tonight."

"He did not feel like he could make it to the ballpark, wouldn't be 
able to pitch," he said.

Shapiro said Finley is expected to join the team in Detroit, where the 
Indians open a three-game series on Friday.

"My attitude is, it's the same as with any player in the organization. 
Everyone has issues outside of being a major league player that they 
have to deal with in life," Shapiro said. "It's a tough thing to go 
through when you're in an environment like this."

A third party called 911 after the couple arrived at their Newport 
Beach home, Richards said. Police arrested Kitaen after noticing 
abrasions and scrapes on the 39-year-old Finley.

Kitaen, 40, was ordered released Wednesday on her own recognizance from 
Orange County Jail. If convicted of the two misdemeanor counts, she 
faces up to a year in jail and a $6,000 fine.

A judge issued a restraining order against Kitaen, ordering her to have 
no contact with Finley. Richards said Kitaen will live in the Newport 
Beach home, while Finley will live elsewhere"


The above story has been getting the poor husband a lot of ribbing on 
the radio.  Chuck Finley is a 6 ft. 6, 225 lb major league pitcher and
his wife is about half his size, yet she beat the crap out of him?  But 
on the other hand, is there a double standard in spousal abuse cases?  
Had he beaten her up, he'd have gotten a lot more than a the 
misdeameanor she got.  Do people not take spousal abuse cases as 
seriously when its the female doing the abuse?  I dont think Finley 
deserves grief over charges being filed against his wife.  But a lot of 
husbands would think twice before reporting their wife for beating them 
up, just because of the potential of being made fun of.  There are 
doubtless a lot of cases of females raping males or females assaulting 
males, that dont get reported simply because the guy is too 
embarrassed.  Is it a double standard?

33 responses total.

I don't buy females raping males - it can't happen. 
Females assaulting males is certianly not only possible but
probably not that uncommon.  Of course its a double standard because
females are not males and vis-versa -vive la differance - and
thats the way it should be.  For the same reason I don't believe
women should serve in a combat MOS in the US military merely because
they are female.

if rape is defined as one person forcing another into a sexual encounter,
then certainly a female could rape a male.  

re1: does there have to be *penetration* before you
consider unwanted sexual contact to be rape?

or is that just "rugby"?

females cannot 'penetrate', thus rugby.

Females don't have fingers they can stick in men's asses? Wow. Here, I thought
they had ten of them (most women, at least).
 
#0> While something like 90% of reported spouse abuse cases are M>F, the
percent of F>M spouse abuse cases that go unreported is significantly higher
than M>F cases. Cops have even laughed F>M abuse and rape cases off, because
obviously the man isn't in control of his woman, so he's not man enough to
deserve police attention. I'm also not convinced that F>M *abuse* is that much
less common, but it does do a lot less damage. I know of one recent case where
the woman was kicking her boyfriend *in the head* because he had been talking
to an ex-GF she didn't like, and he walked away from it with no visible
wounds. I know too many women who think it's funny to slap and slug men to
be convinced that it's a M>F exclusive thing.
 
The *problem* is mostly M>F because (a) men do more damage from the same type
of blow and (b) men seem to have a poorer sense of when to stop before real
damage is done. Even so, I don't think anyone should be hitting anyone except
in self-defense.

So replace the word "rape" with "molest" and the point stands.  A woman 
would be less likely to get in trouble for making unwanted sexual 
contact with a man than vice versa.

I guess the point is valid, but I must be part of the problem, because 
I somehow can't work up much furor over the fact.

Damn right there's a double standard.  And there shouldn't be.

#6> I've been told by women that no man would ever turn down an unrequested
sexual advance. When I said that *I* would (and have), I was laughed at and
told that I was lying. I'm not sure I've ever had "unwanted sexual contact"
(except in cyberspace, for whoever wants to count that), but I do get the
feeling that, were I to complain about it, most people would laugh at me.

        That's just a really poor attitude for that woman to have.  I've gotten
unwanted advances, though for the most part, the way that women do it is much
less intrusive and forceful, and most women are quicker to pick up on the fact
that their advances are unwanted.  I've gotten a couple of good friendships
out of unwanted advances in the past.

>Chuck Finley is a 6 ft. 6, 225 lb major league pitcher and
>his wife is about half his size, yet she beat the crap out of him?

What's he supposed to do--fight back?  Guess who'd be in jail then...

#10> Ayup. My brother got suspended from school for hitting a girl back. She
got nothing at all for hitting him in the first place.

Chuck Finley's wife is about 3 ft 3 and weighs 112 lbs?  If she ever 
beats him up again, I they should sell tickets.

Actually, the missus seems to be quite a bit larger than her husband:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/features/1999/swimsuit/images/athlete09
s.jpg

i used to date a guy who was in an abusive relationship with another woman.
he was twice her size, and most of his wounds were defensive. say, he could
hold her arms so she couldn't hit him in the face, but he'd be covered in
scratches and bites and bruises. she did it once in a club in public, and the
bouncer almost threw *him* out. the double standard is unbelievable, and while
the physical abuse may be minimal, the emotional abuse is still there.

there is also a huge difference between 'unwanted sexual advance', 'unwanted
sexual contact', 'molestation', 'date rape', and physically violent rape.

i'd say a woman is capable of all of those. the latter probably rarely
happens. but there's all sorts of ways people could feel violated and abused.

Re #0:  You are absolutely correct, it is a double standard.  If a male
fights back against an attack from a female, he's going to be arrested
for abuse, not her.  The only thing he can do is what Finley did:
absorb/evade the damage and call the police.

IIRC, women commit about 1/3 of all acts of domestic abuse, and their
attacks are more likely to be deadly because they are far more likely
to use weapons than men are.

I find it very sad that Finley was effectively thrown out of his own
house; Kitaen should have been the one forced to live in a hotel.

        Never get involved with someone who's been abused and taken it.  Never.
Not unless they recieved professional psychiatric help or have had several
years' distance since their last abusive relationship.  They are NOT ready
for a non-abusive relationship.

Re #12: If she weighs half as much as he does, she should be 2^(-1/3) times
as tall as he is, since mass is proportional to volume and volume is
proportional to height cubed.  So she should be 5' 2" tall.

why? because they will *start* one if the man fails inthe task?

interestingly, its been reported that one of tawny kitaen's earlier
relationships was with O.J. Simpson.  And O.J. said in his trial that
he himself had been physically abused in relationships.  Maybe Tawny
beat OJ up and years later he took that out on his wife...

re #15: Actualy the *worst* thing you can do is call the police. 
Regardless of who makes the call, the police will likely arrest the male.
Just get the hell out of there and don't call anyone! Finley got lucky. 

I weep for the future.

I think it would help if there werent so many Hollywood movies and such 
where a woman slaps a man or hits when she becomes angry and this is 
seen as acceptable. The double standard comes from women being seen 
as "the weaker" sex. If a guy admits that he got hurt when he got hit, 
he can be seen as less than a man. First, the idea that women are so 
weak that they cant possibly hurt a man is an attitude that could stand 
to be changed and second, that it is ok for anyone in our society to 
hit anyone else is another attitude that could stand to be changed. 

I read in Time Magazine that all kinds of bad behavior are increasing among
girls nationwide, at the same time that they are decreasing among boys.  One
of them was fighting.  I can think of two reasons for that: Xena and Buffy.

I've got Dead or Alive 3 for XBox. I play the female characters more often
than the males. I'll admit it, when the computer is male and I'm female, and
it hits me good, I'll mutter, "I can't believe you'd hit a girl like that!"
 
It's amusement, of course, but it does speak to the depth of my internal
programming.
 
#22> There *is* a famous scene where some chick slaps Cagney, and Cagney slaps
her in return. But it was scandalous at the time for a social reason, the one
we've been talking about.

Male culture isn't doing itself any favors.  Even in today's "kinder, gentler"
atmosphere, athletes still get tarred mercilessly for serious infractions like
crying during a game.  Guys who are't perceived as tough have it pretty bad,
too.  There's too much "good ole' boy" influence still present for men to
really feel like they can be properly expressive, and it hurts both sexes.

re #25 - you wouldn't by any chance be referring to a certain person who 
may or may not have played hockey for BC a few years ago, would you be?

        What, there isn't a way of expressing every concept, feeling, or
emotion, for both genders?

#25> One of the few things that Bush has done while President that I really
respected: He's been seen crying in the wake of 9/11, and has made no visible
attempts to get the camera to stop recording it. Yes, he's held back, but
damn, it's not common to see a President cry when he SHOULD be crying (as
opposed to Clinton's crying).

#26:  Actually, I was more referring to Kordell Stewart, quarterback of the
Pittsburgh Steelers, who was criticized by nearly ever major national media
outlet for a sideline breakdown a couple of years ago.  Big G didn't quite
get that much attention. :)

29 - only on USCHO ... and also ... "big" g? 

Heh.  Apparently, Stephen Gionta is even smaller.

Re #8: Sounds like we need another "no means no" campaign, but this 
time targeted at women.

"Just Say 'NO SQUISHY PLEASE!'"

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