Jingonist 36:21 - And God Said, "PH33R ME!"

52 responses total.

jesus was a script kiddie.

Well.  I am duly impressed, god.  You've figured out how to enter an item 
on the bbs.  Next thing you'll be creating whole universes and such.  Be 
sure to let us know before you begin experimenting on that level so we 
can have the hazmat team standing ready.  I hear the first few attempts 
can be pretty rough.

Synchophants 32:2 - And _*He*_ said, "Yo, yo, Abraham, I'm the notorious Gee
Oh Dee.

So, I shouldn't be expecting this to be the evidence I keep asking for?

Oh, Rane, you know if God came up to you in a coffeehouse and said, "Hi, Rane,
I am the Lord thy God, the one true creator of all things," you'd put him to
such a series of questions to prove it that he'd give up and go back to his
summer house in Hoboken. ;}

Nah.  He'd just turn him into a cockroach.

This response has been erased.

Jamie, don't be ashamed of you home there.

Besides, it's better than Hamilton, OH.

re#6: God.

The "god" account has been created 18 times on Grex, and reaped 17 times. 
It seams that God keeps coming back, but He never sticks around long.

He keeps reading Rane's posts and realizing he doesn't exist.

No.  She reads lk's, mutters 'oui ve is mere' and wanders off.
But being kinda old and a tad forgetful wanders back from
time to time.

#11> Proof that God is not a cat. Cats only have 9 lives.

Apparently the whole ressurection bit is working better than anyone expected.

Deities are so insecure.

ya they're like spoiled little brats.

So it isn't the Second Coming after all.  More like the Eighteenth 
Coming.

You'd think, for someone that is supposed to be all-powerful, He'd know 
how to preserve an e-mail account.  

That is, unless it was supposed to be monitored by some middle 
management screw up, like say, His Son, who is rumored to have accepted 
a position as God's right hand man.  Benefits package includes health 
plan, an American Express corporate card, and distribution rights to 
His loaves, fishes, and wine, and his album and clothing line, due in 
stores in time for the Christmas rush. Oh, yeah, did I mention He gets 
His own HOLIDAYS?  Man, talk about Nepotism.

Of course, God's too wrapped up in the little details--which trumpet 
should be here, the lake of fire should be over there, away from water!-
-to remember to advertise.  

He should at least post fliers, or send memos to churches to have them 
spread the word at the announcement portion of church service, or post 
it upon the "Community News" section of the bulletin board.

Churches near the Freeway should be encouraged to post signs, and maybe 
an Parish here and there can pool funds for a few strategically located 
billboards.  Maybe a few churches would be willing to send their gospel 
choirs on tour?  Advertising is always more effective with a catchy 
jingle to go along with it.  And thou shalt produce radio commercials.

Maybe there's a fast food chain that hasn't been gobbled up by some 
company keen to use kids meals as prime Ad material.  Perhaps White 
Castle or Taco Bell would be willing to put Final Judgment Action 
Figures in their kids' meals.

And need I mention the Goodyear blimp at sporting events?  Speaking of 
sports, here is always time to recruit people to repent and prepare for 
the final battle against evil at the tailgate parties.  Some people 
will do anything for free beer.

What about that John 3:16 guy you always see at the American football 
games?  He doesn't seem very effective.  Half the time you don't even 
remember he's there.  Shouldn't someone talk to God about His sales 
representatives?  

        I think the Christian diety relies upon word of mouth and product
placement, primaily - how many times have you heard "Oh Jesus!" or "Christ!"
yelled out at a sporting event.  His team's pretty crack - they even come up
with those cheezy billboard ads to distract people from the real advertising.
In the meantime, his group has become a household word.

I'm still waiting for the product placement ads for when I shout "Jesus
Christ!". Who should I sue to get them?

I'm not sure that you have to sue anybody. "Jesus Christ" isn't 
copyrighted.

Oh, now isn't that the political blunder of all time?  I'm surprised 
that no sect has tried to corner the market on names.  Could you 
imagine the Catholic church being sued by Southern Baptists for their 
illegal use of Jesus Christ (TM) in their publications?

No, I mean, if I'm doing advertising for God, shouldn't I be getting paid?

This response has been erased.

The slaughtering of the heretics had nothing to do with it?
 
Roman Religion, in its time, was the largest religion in the world. It didn't
promise salvation to all equally. The Aztec state religion was the largest
religion in its known world. Ditto Hinduism.
 
And Christianity was spreading like wildfire before it decided to start
offering salvation to everyone equally.
 
It sounds like someone's been eating all their religious history from the
Christian Propoganda trough.

This response has been erased.

Well...that, and that no other major religions went around the globe to
recruit people, nor did they tell others "You're condemned to eternal
damnation if you don't say you believe what we believe."

#25> the Christians organized because there were so many different sects with
so many different opinions. John may have been written a century or so after
Jesus, but it wasn't selected as standard liturgy until quite some time after
that.
 
#26> Exactly. All the Imperial Romans asked was that you accept Caesar as a
God. Just about anything else was ok with them. Part of what pissed them off
about the Christians was that they (the Christians) wouldn't accept Caesar
as a God. Of course, most people making claims as in #25 do forget the part
about Christianity also being the first major religion to actively
proselytize...

This response has been erased.

What did Jesus's wife have to say about all of this? 

For some reason I find #28 fairly ironic.  Dunno why.  

The prevailing opinion in the three or four pages I skimmed just now seems
to be that John's gospel was written in the AD 80-90 period, and may well have
been written by the apostle, but neither of these things is at all certain.
I found 
  http://www.bible.org/docs/soapbox/jnotl.htm
to be pretty good.  

I spoke too soon; the paper I linked to argues for a composition date around
AD 65.  Interesting. 

This response has been erased.

Thanks for the URL, Greg.  I'll have to look at it when I get home and 
try to get my computer to cooperate.

Re# 23.  It has nothing to do with political savvy.  Until 1516, there 
wasn't a major schism within the christian church if I remember 
correctly, and copyright wasn't in use that far back.  It wasn't an 
argument, you know.  Just pure farce.

Also, another of the reasons for Christianity's success is the number 
of concepts that were copted from local religious traditions.  
Incidentally a number of old gods were demoted to "saints," most likely 
for that very reason.

Really, JP2?  John 3:16 was Jesus' own words?  What proof do you have 
to substantiate that claim?

I don't have to echo Brighn's statements about equality.  He said it 
very well.

Brighn, submit an expence report to God, and you'll be compentsated.  
Perhaps it will be a point-based system?  I wonder how much to qualify 
for the Stereo?  Do you have to be certified to do this?  Anyone can 
yell "Jesus Christ," but only the best of the best get noticed for it.  
Maybe you can get a SAG card out of it if you're on TV at the time. :)

Another source says: "The majority of modern scholars do indeed date the
Gospel in the 90s, but a growing number put it earlier, and Robinson mentions
seventeen, including P. Gardner-Smith, R. M. Grant and Leon Morris, who favor
a date before 70."
http://www.catholic.net/rcc/Periodicals/Homiletic/May97/gospels.html
 
Considering it's not even certain that Jesus himself was a real historical
figure (speaking of bursting bubbles), and considering that "Christ's own
words" differ between the Gospels. Consider the versions of his last moments:
Matthew 27
46  And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli,
lama sabach'thani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
Ps. 22.1 
 
47  Some of them that stood there, when they heard that, said, This man
calleth for Eli'jah.
 
48  And straightway one of them ran, and took a sponge, and filled it with
vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink. Ps. 69.21 
 
49  The rest said, Let be, let us see whether Eli'jah will come to save him.
 
50  Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost.
 
(Mark 15: 34-37 is roughly the same)

Luke 23:
46  And when Jesus had cried with a loud voice, he said, Father, into thy
hands I commend my spirit: Ps. 31.5 and having said thus, he gave up the
ghost. 
 
John 19:
30  When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished:
and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost. 
 
Recap:
Matthwe and Mark say his last words were "My God, why have you forsaken me?"
Luke says his last words were "Father, into your hands I commend my spirit."
John says his last words were "It is finished."
 
NOW, I don't know about YOU, but if this were MY Lord and Savior, the most
important entity in my life, so important that I'd be willing to die to defend
him, I'd make pretty damn sure that I knew what his last words were.
 
If they can't even quote him correctly on that, what hope is there that
they've quoted him correctly anywhere else?
 
(Verses from the KJV, courtesy of bartleby.com)

(Incidentally, note that I didn't say that John *was* written a century later,
I said it *may have been* written a century later. There is also some
controversy over whether the writer of the Gospel of John was the Disciple
John, and [as I mentioned] whether any of these people really existed, or were
metaphors or fabrications of later Christians. None of this matters, anyway,
since this all started as a silly joke, but don't argue church history with
a Preacher's kid, John. We know ALL the tricks.)

This response has been erased.

This response has been erased.

#37> Yes, because #36 implies that the Gospel of John is the Word of Jesus,
and the other three are full of misquotes because THEY don't have the same
last words of Jesus.
 
I didn't realize that John had reached such a state that his words were the
infallible word of God. I thought only Jesus and God had that esteem.

Re #33:  Right.  The Statute of Anne wasn't until 1557.

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss