kaplan
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response 39 of 316:
| Jun 14 17:44:01 UTC 1999 |
Just asked Chanur to put on her English Teaher's had and look at
resp:30. Here's what she wrote:
Okay. I just read the whole thing aloud. Here are my suggested
corrections. Most of the problems I found were typos, but there was one
instance of what seemed awkward phrasing to me.
Under BACKGROUND
Paragraph 6
"About 1000 users have use Grex ..."
should be "have *used* Grex"
Paragraph 7
"we value that fact that"
s/b "we value *the* fact that"
Under AGE VERIFICATION WOULD UNDERMINE OUR MISSION
Paragraph 4
"much less of a unique educational experience"
This is where the phrasing bothers me. How about " a much less
unique educational experience"? Or, since "unique" literally means "one
of a kind" and its usage is therefore questionable here, how about "a
much less *rewarding* or *enriching* educational experience"?
Under RESTRICTING CONTENT WOULD UNDERMINE OUR MISSION
Paragraph 5
"learn to respect community's standards ..."
s/b "learn to respect *the* community's standards"
Same paragraph
"this kind of perspective be gained"
s/b "this kind of perspective *will not be* gained"
Oh yeah -- and don't forget to fill in those brackets ... :-)
Hope that helps,
Chris
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