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Grex > Coop6 > #45: Harrassment in "write" sessions | |
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| Author |
Message |
| 25 new of 115 responses total. |
glenda
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response 75 of 115:
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Feb 2 15:23 UTC 1995 |
In response to #66, Rane I have (usually) started the habit of typing
mesg n as soon as I log in during the last few months. I had it in
my .login on M-Net, but until just lately didn't use it here on Grex.
Why? Unfortunately, because I am female and use my name as a login ID.
Every time we get a new influx of young males on the system, I get chat
requests. Most of them are friendly, talk a bit, before the pick-up
line, a few are more blatant. Most can't break off fast enough after
finding out that I am as old or older than their mother and that my
husband and kids also sign in here. Such a chat request once in a while
I can handle ok, but when they start coming every 5-10 minutes, as they
did a couple week ago, it gets to be a bit much.
I forget to set mesg n when I got on the day before yesterday. If I had
remembered I would have missed the chat request I got then. It was from
a nice young man that had bothered to run finger on me before he chatted
(most don't) and had noticed that my birthday was last Friday. He did
a quick chat to say Happy Birthday and ended the chat, I thanked him nicely
and continued with conferencing. I am glad that I got to talk to him and
would do so again. If I had remembered to do a mesg n I would have missed
his chat, and I probably miss a few similar chats everytime I do remember.
As nice as they are, they really don't make it worth the hassles from the
more common type of chat request.
Lately I have been getting chat requests through the ntalk daemon. By the
time I have responded (usually in less than 1-2 minutes) I get told that
the person is not signed on. It is very frustrating to get such a request,
knowing that it is from someone on a different system, aborting whatever I
am doing at the time and then be told that the person couldn't even wait
a minute or two for an answer before logging out of his/her home system.
I one or two that have stayed around have usually been the "young man with
the 'hit on' whatever female happens to be on" sort. It gets very boring
after a while.
I will therefore continue to use mesg n most of the time I am on Grex.
Those that really want to talk rather than "hit on a female" usually
send mail with their questions or a request for me to iniciate a chat
session. These I respond to as soon as I can, this sort of filters
out the frivilous stuff.
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rcurl
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response 76 of 115:
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Feb 2 17:07 UTC 1995 |
It is a terrible shame that this happens to women on the system. It
damages the community, in addition to annoying them. Would it help
at all to give newusers a *few* pointers when they register, such
as " 'write' or 'chat' other users you don't yet know only if you
have a real reason - many users don't wish to be disturbed
for conversation. Join party for just conversation.'
(I'm only wondering if something could help *reduce* the incidence
of harrassment. I know the "harrass imperative" is very strong in some
people, and nothing would deter them).
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andyv
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response 77 of 115:
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Feb 2 17:15 UTC 1995 |
Hey, I disagree about the old part though since you are 6 months older
than me Glenda ;-) I'm glad you mentioned the problem though. This sounds
like it will make a good family discussion. I didn't realize inconsideration
had reached such a level.
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glenda
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response 78 of 115:
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Feb 2 17:42 UTC 1995 |
It has been such since STeve dragged me into conferencing way back in
84 or so. Even then I had problems with such types of chat requests
and almost all the logins at that time were local. It has gotten much
worse since internet links became common. I wouldn't mind so much if
people just ran finger before starting a chat. I wouldn't dream of
requesting a chat from someone that I hadn't at least tried to look
at their .plan/.profile to get some idea of what they were like. I know
that a lot of people, especially females, don't have .plan/.profiles and
can understand why. If I were more paranoid I would have left out address,
phone # and such, but would still have put in things like interests just
for that reason.
It is too bad that a lot of guys (as opposed to 'men') seem to think
that this type of behavior is ok. I bet most of them would have a fit if
their sister or mother was hit on, but feel that it is alright when they are
the instigator of such, after all "I didn't really mean anything by it".
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cel
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response 79 of 115:
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Feb 3 02:58 UTC 1995 |
while i agree that harrassment is a serious issue, i find it interesting
that people who discourage censorship in picospan conference items feel
it is alright to censor folks who decide to use !write obnoxiously.
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steve
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response 80 of 115:
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Feb 3 04:53 UTC 1995 |
Since I'm probably one of the people you're thinking of, let
me state my thinking on the subject. Write and mail are one-on-one
forms of communications (usually) and are thus more intimate and
private.
When someone does some obnoxious or blatheracious thing in a
conference, its somewhat like making a fool of ones self in an
auditorium. Obnoxious writes on the other hand, are very personal
and aimed directly at an individual. You can't block one person from
writing you without blocking out all people, but you can block out
an individual in PicoSpan, as far as you're concerned (the twit filter).
Also, the nature of the communications tends to be different. Lately
we've had a spate of sexually oriented writes aimed at women. These
were clearly written with the victim in mind.
Because of this I see no problem with trying to clamp down on
them.
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popcorn
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response 81 of 115:
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Feb 4 00:03 UTC 1995 |
Lately (on the rare times when I accidentally get chatted -- my perms are
almost always off) I've been trying to steer people who want to gab in chat
sessions to go try out party. Partiers are in party because they want to
talk. It seems to satisfy most the random chatters.
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kentn
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response 82 of 115:
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Feb 4 00:48 UTC 1995 |
And it's not only women getting hit upon in write sessions...
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steve
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response 83 of 115:
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Feb 4 04:19 UTC 1995 |
Thats true. But has it happened since the 'savage' account stopped
logging in?
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kentn
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response 84 of 115:
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Feb 4 23:54 UTC 1995 |
Not to me.
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carson
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response 85 of 115:
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Feb 6 21:42 UTC 1995 |
"savage"? I thought her name was...
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sidhe
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response 86 of 115:
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Feb 7 14:49 UTC 1995 |
Interesting.. I was about to get hit oin yesterday, I presume because
my login sound effeminate to some, but, as soon as the fellow found out I
am male, you couldn't see his departure- it was that fast!
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andyv
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response 87 of 115:
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Feb 7 17:03 UTC 1995 |
I talked this over with my kids and found out that hitting on a girl in this
high school in Sault Ste. Marie, is gouche. Maybe this is the only medium
allows such behavior risk free. Maybe the folks doing it watch and believe
what they see in movies and TV? (I have 5 daughters :-)
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sidhe
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response 88 of 115:
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Feb 7 18:53 UTC 1995 |
Could be.
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carson
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response 89 of 115:
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Feb 8 14:14 UTC 1995 |
coupled with numerous articles in the mass media about cyberspace and the
wide range of sexual activity one can encounter there. read one the other
day, in fact.
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sidhe
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response 90 of 115:
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Feb 9 17:05 UTC 1995 |
That certainly isn't helping the situation, any..
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danr
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response 91 of 115:
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Feb 11 13:24 UTC 1995 |
re #89: It's not only articles...I was in Border's yesterday and there's
a whole book on the subject. :(
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carson
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response 92 of 115:
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Feb 11 14:07 UTC 1995 |
double damn. :( :(
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lilmo
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response 93 of 115:
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Feb 11 21:01 UTC 1995 |
Well, I've seen a lot of (justifiable) complaining, but I haven't
seen much in the "concrete suggestion" category lately; what can be
done to aleviate the problems described herein?
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sidhe
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response 94 of 115:
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Feb 12 02:28 UTC 1995 |
Well, we could always let Bill Gates buy the internet. :>
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ajax
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response 95 of 115:
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Feb 12 06:59 UTC 1995 |
Twisted thought. "Why do I keep getting 'upgrade now' messages all the time?"
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andyv
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response 96 of 115:
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Feb 12 12:31 UTC 1995 |
I think the most effective thing to be done may not be very effective over
the short run. Like the girls in high school who are slowly letting
guys know that hitting on them isn't acceptable, the hittees have to keep
shutting the hitters down one at a time. Guys have to do the same thing
concerning girls who look at them as just another piece of meat
It is a slow process but very necessary.
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sidhe
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response 97 of 115:
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Feb 12 17:29 UTC 1995 |
Behavior control on so large a scale is bound to lead someone to
start calling "totalitarianism". I know this isn't the intent, but it is
something to be aware of.
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ajax
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response 98 of 115:
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Feb 12 17:57 UTC 1995 |
If it's non-coercive, I think it's socialization...we've all been behaviorally
controlled to eat with forks and use bathrooms, and nobody faults that.
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sidhe
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response 99 of 115:
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Feb 12 23:09 UTC 1995 |
Heh.. you prove my point. The term "socialization" has BAD
connotations to these folk.. trust me, I used to be one, about six years ago..
I know we have them on grex, too.. I've had run ins with a couple
of late..
I know that it isn't an unreasonable thing.. but I think you'll
find others may.. I merely warn to be careful in how you present the idea
to them, or you may wind up being the recipient of some unreasonable
backlash..
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