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| Author |
Message |
| 25 new of 128 responses total. |
jwp
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response 50 of 128:
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Nov 5 20:01 UTC 1994 |
I am dropping it now...no more discussion on it...and nothing is ever just
your fault...I do admit that I have been rather harsh and I am
sorry...there was just enough venom left in me that I did that and I
appologize for my actions...
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verbal
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response 51 of 128:
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Nov 6 07:38 UTC 1994 |
Thanks, but Justin...
It's ME, ok... NOT you NOT anne NOT sun NOT anyone else.
*I* made the mess I call life, and I'll live it.
Onlt *I* pick my reactions and only I should suffer.
I've thought long and hard, and I just can't fix any of these things
anymore.
Needless to say, I can't end it either.
And now I'm not going to try anymore.
I can burry pains... IU have plenty of experience.
But they won't go away, and so I suffer.
Don't let that bug you though, friend.
It's clear as can be that not one second matters anyhow.
Damn it, but I'm a mood swinging bozo, aren't I?
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eeyore
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response 52 of 128:
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Nov 7 16:31 UTC 1994 |
WOULD YOU STOP THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?
all you are doing is making it worse. remove yourself from the problem; look
at it from the outside, not the inside. find out WHY, and not jus the obvious
why. STOP BEATING YOURSELF!!!! let us help! how can we help if you are
just hiding away, licking the wounds. sometimnes wounds fester, and need help
from outside sources. BUT WE CAN'T HELP UNLESS YOU LET US!!!!! you are being
too damn gloomy. don't sit there in sorrow...find something to do besides
sit in a corner. go out, do something. all of us do stupid things sometimes,
and fall for the wrong people, etc. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!!!!
and justin, keep trying. maybe you will get through his thick skull soon.
friendship is not something to be thrown away because of a wrong move, or word.
if you decide that is what is happening, then it never was a friendship to
begin with. trust is involved. also, how can somebody respond the way
you want them to respond, if they do not know everything, or if they see
things a different way. we are not all alike. everybody has theire own views.
some see from the outside, some from the inside.
i'm sorry for lecturing, but somebody needs to bop both of you over the head
sometimes. i'm jsut sorry that this mess is so chaotic.
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jwp
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response 53 of 128:
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Nov 7 18:35 UTC 1994 |
friendly bop over the head taken...:)
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anne
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response 54 of 128:
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Nov 8 01:35 UTC 1994 |
Meg- every now and again a good lecture is needed.
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gerund
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response 55 of 128:
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Nov 8 01:55 UTC 1994 |
Thanks.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Thanks.
I promise you ALL, no matter what a good bop is no longer needed.
After all I do the bopping quite well all by myself.
And who can argue with ANY of you? You are right.
Unfortunately I can't deal, handle, cope, react appropriately,
smile, be happy pumpkin toys, think happy thoughts, go out and do
something or, most importantly... stop what I've started.
It's a cruel thing of me to do to you all, but I can also see that no one
really wants to hear about how I feel, and no one wants whatever little
bit of happiness they might find to be eclipsed by someone else's pain.
Unfortunately I always was rather warped in everything I thought and did.
I don't seem to fit, but then I think you all knew I was weird right from
the start. At least you gave me a chance. Who knows? Maybe, while
I'm still holding on I might actualy magically be aok and swinging on a star.
But I gambled on something and lost, and the stakes were too high and
now I have to pay.
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brighn
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response 56 of 128:
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Nov 8 03:28 UTC 1994 |
Gerund, I care. Much as you don't believe me, I have been in the vicinity
of where you're at in the past. I won't say I've been exactly where you are
because that would be presumptuous: we all walk down different highways,
even if they sometimes seem to look the same. But I think we might have at
least stopped at the same Quik-E Mart along the way. :-)
If these silly geese don't want to hear your problems, then mail me, because
I do care. And I know from personal conversations that others care as well.
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kami
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response 57 of 128:
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Nov 8 06:14 UTC 1994 |
Gerund, my dear, this is BULLSHIT! Don't tell me, or anyone else, what we
do or do not want to hear. I'LL TELL YOU!!! And right now, I don't want
to hear any more "you don't want me, I never fit" crap. YOu aren't any
weirder, or for that matter, any more depressed than some of us have been
from time to time. Lordy, I'm glad you didn't see me about a month ago...
Now, you don't have to play "happy happy, joy joy" for us, but don't blame
people who care about you for trying to cheer you up. No one wants to
see a freind suffer- not that you should hide it, just that we want to help.
It's hard, even when you know better, to remember that sometimes you CAN'T
cheer up another person, just have to wait it out and stay with them. I'm
NOT gentle about it, because I don't respond well to gentleness or sympathy
or tentativeness- when I'm messed up, I want truth and solutions and proof
that I'm not worthless. If I'm too hard on you, I'm sorry. THink of it
as "tough love". And don't let anyone tell you you don't have a right to
your depression- it's yours. You will work out of it, not anyone else. My
mom has this silly habit of saying, when I tell her I'm going through a
rough period; "You shouldn't be depressed"- as if I have not cause to be
since that might imply that she did not give me a perfect childhood as
armour from the world, or as if saying that could fix everything. Sigh.
But do realize that trying to isolate oneself from loved ones, feelings of
hopelessness and inadequacy, and the sense that things have always been
bleak and always will, are all common symptoms of depression. I've learned
to note these ideas, aknowledge them, and put them aside to test later when
I'm feeling better. So far, they haven't been permanently quelled, but all
objective/external evidence suggests that their basis in reality is pretty
damned tenuous. When I'm really down, it's hard to believe the people who
say they love me, but the fact that they don't just walk away is enough
proof. When I was 16, 19, 27, I said stuff much like you are saying. And
good friends have taught me the skills not to believe myself too quickly...
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brighn
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response 58 of 128:
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Nov 8 06:51 UTC 1994 |
<brighn offers kami a Valium and gives her a hug>
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gerund
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response 59 of 128:
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Nov 8 13:00 UTC 1994 |
sigh
you prove my points
i really think if people understood me they could have no choice bu tto agree.
but i'm not a very good explainer, so... oh well, i'll deal.
Tough love, eh? I guess that's better than the no love feeling I'm used to.
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eeyore
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response 60 of 128:
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Nov 8 13:32 UTC 1994 |
gerund, for as long as you have been on grex, you have not had to deal with
no love. trust me on this one. grex is nothing BUT a huge love-well, always
giveing more. obviously, i didn't know you pre-grex, but i don't think that
everybody hated you. trust me on this one. i too have been there. but there
is always somebody there to help you.
let us help you! we want to! but there is nothing we can do if you keep
shutting us out!
and don't tellus what we do or don't want to hear. let us be the judge of
that. if we didn't want to help, then why are we all sitting here, yelling
at you to stop the self-pity?
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cyberpnk
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response 61 of 128:
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Nov 8 20:44 UTC 1994 |
"Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is increased." - Lady Sally
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gerund
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response 62 of 128:
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Nov 9 00:53 UTC 1994 |
ok... hopefully i can be forgiven for feeling sorry for myself, huh?
i already admitted i've not done what supposedly i need to do.
how am i shutting people out? and if i really am, then how do
i stop? i get the feeling that everyone thinks these answers are inside
me intuitively. they aren't.
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brighn
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response 63 of 128:
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Nov 9 06:37 UTC 1994 |
You're dwelling, for one thing: you seem to think that nobody understands you,
and that if you say the same thing over and over again eventually we will all
"get it." I'm assuming that you're doing this because I've done it, and what
you're doing matches what I've done in the past. People who have been where
you've been (that is, close to it)"got it" a long time ago and are waiting
to help; people who haven't the foggiest where you're coming from (the
minority, I suspect) won't "get it" no matter how much you try to explain
yourself.
So... what do *you* feel you need to do right now?
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eeyore
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response 64 of 128:
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Nov 9 14:43 UTC 1994 |
how are we going to be able to help, if you don't tell us what it is that
we are fighting?
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brighn
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response 65 of 128:
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Nov 9 20:45 UTC 1994 |
Exactly my point, Queenie.
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gerund
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response 66 of 128:
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Nov 9 22:49 UTC 1994 |
Sigh...
Maybe I just feel alone.
Today I'm doing better though.
I WILL be fine, but right now it's very very hard.
Tell me how not to dwell. Again you speak as if it's easy to stop that.
If it is, then please enlighten me on how to do so.
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brighn
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response 67 of 128:
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Nov 9 23:10 UTC 1994 |
Easy not to dwell? Hardly. When I stop dwelling, I start to dwell on
how awful it was that I was dwelling, which starts me dwelling on how I'm
dwelling again.
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gerund
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response 68 of 128:
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Nov 10 01:39 UTC 1994 |
So then why club me over the head for it and make me feel 'better'?
Gerund is highly confuzzled.
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eeyore
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response 69 of 128:
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Nov 10 13:19 UTC 1994 |
gerund...what is your favorite pastime? do it! go out! read a book! go see
a movie!! get together with people who are of a cheerful frame of mind.
soem of these things may help you .
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gerund
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response 70 of 128:
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Nov 10 16:33 UTC 1994 |
I work almost 85 hours a week. No time.
I DO get together with people who are of a cheerful frame of mind.
What do you think a 70 some mile trip every sunday is about?
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eeyore
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response 71 of 128:
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Nov 10 17:29 UTC 1994 |
WELL, THAT'S A START...
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dang
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response 72 of 128:
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Nov 10 19:27 UTC 1994 |
Isn't that illeagle or something?
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scg
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response 73 of 128:
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Nov 10 22:26 UTC 1994 |
Carson may get obsessed with squirls at times during the Sunday InBetween
walks, but I don't think the walks have ever had anything to do with an
ill eagle. ;)
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gerund
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response 74 of 128:
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Nov 11 01:12 UTC 1994 |
That almost made me smile... almost.
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