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Grex > Femme > #54: Relationships with mothers |  |
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| Author |
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| 16 new of 65 responses total. |
beeswing
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response 50 of 65:
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Nov 8 16:45 UTC 1997 |
Since I don't have the advantage (?) of knowing Grexers personally, I can't
take sarcasm or personality into account. I interpret things as how I see them.
I was simply writing down my observations, and I don't appreciate anyone
twisting them into what they are not. Of course every parent sees traits in
their kid that they don't like or understand. Every kid gets on the parent's
nerves at some point or another. Just because I brought out points with my mom
that are irritating, does not mean that I don't have some stake in it
occasionally.
Funny, people are very quick to criticize you when it's not to your face.
Somehow I think that if this were face-to-face it wouldn't be the bloody
free-for-all that it is.
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i
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response 51 of 65:
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Nov 8 18:58 UTC 1997 |
The winking smiley face in #45 is an on-line way of hinting that the words
are not to be taken too literally, seriously, or personally. But due to
the nature of the medium (lack of feedback, body language, tone, etc.) it's
best to *never* take anything you see on-line too seriously or personally.
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mary
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response 52 of 65:
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Nov 8 20:44 UTC 1997 |
Hey, bubba, just who do you think you are saying I'm not
the queen of diplomatic discourse? ;-)
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i
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response 53 of 65:
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Nov 9 00:56 UTC 1997 |
ageless changeling
like Napoleon
undead unrotting
arsenic poisoned
untouchable ghost
barred from salvation
still roaming spirit
no reincarnation
walking 'moung mortals
with mottled gray souls
'til darkness does fall
and black sun eats all
i am enigma
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valerie
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response 54 of 65:
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Nov 9 05:27 UTC 1997 |
This response has been erased.
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beeswing
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response 55 of 65:
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Nov 9 05:37 UTC 1997 |
{{{{{{{{{hugs to Valerie}}}}}}}}}}}}}
thanks :)
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mary
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response 56 of 65:
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Nov 9 13:09 UTC 1997 |
Well, the subject of this item is "Relationships with Mothers".
I really do think my comment belongs here - we tend to expect
our mothers to like us no matter what. I think that's
narcissistic and unrealistic.
Now, you guys go right back to hugging each other and I'll
continue to honestly share my point of view.
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iggy
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response 57 of 65:
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Nov 9 13:28 UTC 1997 |
what about sisters?
i had always wanted a sister, but was given 3 brothers instead.
i know this is pure fantasy, but i always thought if i had
a sister that we would be instant best friends. or actually closer
because we would be related.
my brothers are all married, and i like 2 out of 3 wives.
since i moved from the area where they all live, i dont often call.
hubby's sister is ok, but i dont have much in common with her.
i am close to my niece, who is in her 20's.
it is odd how one puts so much imagined perfection in something
that cant be there.
although if she were all feminine and prim and proper, we
probably would hate each other. :-)
just for the record, can any of you with real sisters tell me i'm full of shit?
are you close with your siblings of the same sex?
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i
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response 58 of 65:
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Nov 9 15:25 UTC 1997 |
i've got (living) 2 parents, 5 siblings, and 7 nieces & nephews. Some i'm
quite close to, some so-so, some are but familiar strangers. There's no
way to predict - just roll the dice of personality and circumstance.
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omni
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response 59 of 65:
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Nov 9 18:57 UTC 1997 |
re 57.
You can have mine. She's evil. ;)
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valerie
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response 60 of 65:
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Nov 9 19:15 UTC 1997 |
This response has been erased.
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mta
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response 61 of 65:
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Nov 9 22:16 UTC 1997 |
I had a similar fantasy, iggy. I was given 5 brothers and lived in a vert
androcentric, traditional family. I've often thought that I wouldn't be the
feminist I am if I'd had a sister. (Anti-woman traditioalism feels pretty
personal when the five brothers share the yard work and one sister is left
with the housework.
But since, like Twila, I didn't share much 9if any) of my families values or
interests, I might have been alienated from a sister as well.
In the last few years, I've discovered that I dio have things in common with
my family...geneology, mainly ... but we'll never have similar values. I've
learned that a) I can love them anyway and b) they love me anyway. It took
many yaers for us to get over our disappointment, but we all wanted to be
close, so we gave it a heroes try and it's working to some extent.
My brother told me recently that although most of my sibs live within 100
miles of my folks, I'm still the one in closest contact with the parents.
(I call twice a week.)
My brothers have always thought that *I* was closest to my parents, even when
my parents and I were fighting constantly. None of the others could get our
parents attention (or irritate them without even trying) like I could. That
was quite a surprise! I had thought of them as a close-knit family and of
myself as the lonely outsider.
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mary
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response 62 of 65:
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Nov 9 22:52 UTC 1997 |
I have three sisters and no brothers. We are very close. We
are best friends even when we don't particularly like each other.
I could share anything with my sisters and feel safe. When each
of us married our husbands knew the sisters came along with the
deal. So far, they have done quite well with the situation.
The really amazing part of this trio is how different we
are from each other and yet it works. Living within
20 minutes of each other helps but we have survived distances
too. I have no idea why it works so well.
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beeswing
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response 63 of 65:
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Nov 9 22:55 UTC 1997 |
Psst...Mary... It's called "unconditional love". I think it would be great to
know that someone loves you no matter what. And that is hardly unrealistic. Nor
is it narcissistic, because it is heartbreaking to think of the times when my
parents could have shunned me but took me in with open arms. It wasn't because
I was a great kid; it's because I was their child. I think a lot of mothers
would die for their kids, if that's what it came down to.
"Hugging" is another expression of love and affection. You might wish to try it
sometime. It feels quite nice.
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mary
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response 64 of 65:
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Nov 9 23:22 UTC 1997 |
But I've not been talking about unconditional love. Not here, in
regards to my sister, or before, when talking about mothers. I'm
talking about liking someone. About finding them enjoyable and
worth being around.
When I say we three remained good friends even when we had periods
when we didn't like each other means we allowed a tolerance
for differences, a tolerance that carried us through periods of
anger and frustration.
Love, in my opinion, is the easy part. It's a whole lot easier
to love family than it is to like family. Probably true of
a whole lot of marriages too.
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loperbd
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response 65 of 65:
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Apr 16 22:20 UTC 2002 |
Maybe late,
My former love, was as little girl of five fearing her drunken
depressive mother left by her drunken husband. She was hit by her
mother, it was dangerous, She fled early in a shell isolating from
the yelling, groaning and other noices of drunks, not learning from the
small dangers. When I eamailed her she said she had loving parents. On
our way to an ideal marriage (#120) she told me the story and now she
has split she has depressions, not nice moods.
#64 64 Mary, yes, there are very true but various kinds of
relationships. But I think with starting to love yourself first then if
you like that a verry good marriage. In the way I see taht love is so
strong (#120) it swallows differences and highlights the joyful moments.
Ed
Not all mother daughter relations are nice or bearable.
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