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| Author |
Message |
| 6 new of 10 responses total. |
arianna
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response 5 of 10:
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Nov 10 07:48 UTC 1999 |
mmm. first lines are great. needs fleshing. but good.
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lumen
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response 6 of 10:
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Nov 10 21:43 UTC 1999 |
resp:4 don't worry about it. I thought the notion had the potential
for further inspiration. Myself-- I have written many a poem whilst in
my storms of mood, and strangely, the more depressive sides seem to be
something I can construct from. I mean, sometimes it gets so bad, it's
like I take the nub of a fine pen and slit my wrists to let the flowing
blood form the words on the page.
Hmm, that might be the beginning of a poem :) Anyway, it's odd how
often my distressing or intense moments help me produce poetry. Julie
says I write out of cathargy-- a need to release emotion. The material
does seem to reflect that.
So I continue to suggest you consider the details of the moment and the
intensity of the emotion-- it may drive your writing.
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cloud
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response 7 of 10:
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Dec 28 10:02 UTC 1999 |
Hmm... one of my favorite poet/musicians, Fish, one credited every lyric on
an album (Clutching at Straws/ Marillion) to the various bars he'd been
drinking in. The album concept was about things that drive a man to drink,
very dark and moody stuff, but very effective in convaying emotion. Just a
thought sprining from Jon's suggestion.
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ponder
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response 8 of 10:
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Jan 12 02:29 UTC 2000 |
I think this poem would be better if you abandoned the "thee" "thou"
thing and used modern English.
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redanjel
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response 9 of 10:
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Jan 13 14:48 UTC 2000 |
re#8 - hehe, well, when I studied shakespeare last year, I found the way he
described an *unspeakable* pain amazing, so it was that feeling/atmosphere
I tried to render upon those lines :)..you could be right though.
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ponder
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response 10 of 10:
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Jan 21 01:09 UTC 2000 |
I liked the atmosphere. I just found the "Thees" and "Thous" hard to
get around.
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