response 50 of 254:

Oct 2 20:17 UTC 1998

        Now that earns Points.  Coming out at Denny's.

response 52 of 254:

Oct 3 17:41 UTC 1998

...great... <rolls eyes>

response 54 of 254:

Oct 4 15:20 UTC 1998

To conclude my diaper story:
At college I started to have an occasional pants pooping accident.  By the
time it was my third year in college, I had decided to tell my friends about
my love of diapers.  One of my friends would even come with me occasionally
when I would go to buy diapers.  Eventually, I decided to see about cloth
diapers, so I ordered some.  From there my infantilism began to increase what
I wanted to do with it.  Well, eventually I told people on Grex, and from
there, the rest is history.

END

response 56 of 254:

Oct 6 12:56 UTC 1998

        Sounds like you both had too much shit to worry about.

response 58 of 254:

Oct 8 02:35 UTC 1998

*sigh* So now I continue.  I really swooned over this guy.  He was
gentlemanly, among many other things I found attractive.  He made me feel
loved and special.  He also wanted to find out about my church.  Things were
just rosy until he talked to some members of my church, two who were gay and
one who was bisexual.  They told him they were card-carrying members so they
could keep their benefits of membership, but they were very bitter.  So then
he tells me that I was living a lie in a lying church, essentially, and that
I needed to move, and that I needed to leave my church.  I wouldn't, so he
doesn't talk to me anymore.

At about the same time, I had transferred here to CWU.  I was really tense.
There was my attraction to a couple in my church congregation that I mentioned
earlier.  Incidentally, I didn't know they were a couple at first.  I noticed
each of them separately.  But I began to lurch when I did find out and thought
of the implications if I told them.  I was hungry for love, attention, and
romance.  It seemed like I was on the hunt-- it seemed I noticed more guys,
in addition to girls, than before.  I had marriage on the brain, too.

I met a bi woman at a G.A.L.A. dance and we became friends.  We hung out quite
a bit until one of her friends did the one night stand with me and I was
afraid of further trouble.  I also came out to a church member friend who then
came out to me when I asked for help.  She suggested checking out the LDS
Affirmation webpage.  I did.  I cruised the web and found a lot of
information, but I also got back into porn through linked sites.  (I had
previously given up the habit.)  I came here, albeit reluctantly.  Allow me
to thank you all for being supportive.

I didn't like LDS Affirmation much.  It seemed really geared towards gays and
lesbians, and I found out why.  It seemed they were a little unhappy with
bisexuals who ultimately claimed Het Privilege (hey, look, a coin termed here
is part of my vocabulary!)-- leaving homosexual relations to be married to
MOTOS partner to stay in the church.  Someone at administration e-mailed me,
but he cut off contact when I clung to my beliefs.  Gee, and I was hoping he
would mail me a bi porn video.  (Geez, the paradoxes in my life so far.)

I won't mention the plethora of things that happened when I started coming
out here.  It was really messy, and Robert can empathize because I think he
was referring partly to some events I was indirectly involved in.  Thanks for
your continued support, Bob.

I fell in love with a girl when I worked as Santa Claus last Christmas.  I
was really uptight about it, but I came out to her right away before any
attraction happened so she knew where I stood.  We started dating.  She was
young-- 16 and 1/2 at the time, but I didn't know it until she told me. 
Then she took me to see In & Out.  I cried and laughed a lot because I could
empathize quite a bit.  It seemed I was coming in and out.  She could see I
was upset, so we didn't watch the next film, as we were at a discount theater.

I wound up sobbing in her arms later that night.  I truly believed no Mormon
girl could ever love me if she found out I was bi.  She accepted it for a
time, then tossed it back in the backwash of all the problems (all my
problems, I might did) I dumped on her.

So I turned to the girl I am now engaged to.  We became fast friends and she
seemed to take my coming out better.  I won't go over how we grew to love each
other, but I'll return to this thread in a minute.

I was bursting at the seams and wanted to go public.  My church leaders
understood, for the most part, but they were concerned my churchmates would
be scared and ostracize me.  I reluctantly agreed, for my beliefs mean a lot
to me and I figured things would eventually work out for the best.  Besides,
they didn't need to know, anyway.  I went to live with one church guy who I
had a crush on and his personality, once revealed in all its glory,
permanently turned me off to him.  No one else was a temptation, if you'll
excuse the expression.

As I said, Julie..yes, Julie and I grew close and became engaged.  A few
months later, she started mentioning the attractions she'd had to women and
even commented on young women bouncing down the street or across campus when
we were out driving or walking together.  About a month ago, she started
coming out to me.

I am almost certain that she doesn't mind me mentioning this, but she has
recently come to Grex and I feel this should be handled carefully as this is
a very delicate situation.  She scoured the campus library for books on
bisexuality and came up with one.  She found a little info on the Web but got
wrapped up in explicit bi sex stories.

She's upset.  She's scared of herself.  It seems to me she wants to keep the
closet door firmly closed unless someone knocks.  There's nothing wrong with
that-- my only clue to the public is my 'Hate Is Not A Family Value' button
on my backpack, with a rainbow border-- but she is distraught.  A few of you
have met her.  Be careful, but please, help me.  She is in just as an unusual
situation as I am-- except I beat myself up inside for 5-6 years and she's
just now realizing it.

I finally experimented.  It was a lousy situation-- getting groped by and
giving oral sex to some unknown guy under a bathroom stall.  But I took care
of things so it wouldn't interrupt our marriage plans.  But she has been to
the temple and can't experiment without losing some privileges.

Please don't tell me our church isn't worth it-- it is.  The 'you're living
a lie' argument really hurts me.  I just need help during this difficult
situation.

thanks

response 60 of 254:

Oct 8 05:09 UTC 1998

You aren't living a lie since you have remained true to yourself.
Your church is worth it since you're fighting for your belief in
that church and it's obvious you love it. 
It's possible to have true faith and be yourself...it's just more
work.  I support you fully because you're an honest and good person.
<hugs>  Hang in there...

response 62 of 254:

Oct 9 04:27 UTC 1998

smiles and hugs!!!

response 64 of 254:

Oct 9 17:01 UTC 1998

        Yeah, I fail to see how having a different interpretation of a
religion than someone else qualifies as "living a lie".  I've even run into
people who've been gay and believed it was a moral sin, and that's not really
living a lie either, since I've known people who've believed they were
committing other moral sins.  <shrug>  It's all just pissy backlash to some
of the things people do in Christ's name.

response 66 of 254:

Oct 11 22:40 UTC 1998

Well, the thing is that I found-- it's not the religion-- it's *the people*.
So-- I still believe in what I do, even though I've seen a lot of folks claim
they followed God's teachings (so I don't mean just Christians) and then do
things I just knew weren't keeping in spirit with those teachings.

My sister attended a church with a gay congregation for a while.  My folks
were hesitant at first, but they were glad that at least she was attending
church.

What I am sick of is when the community gets its own self-righteousness.  They
hold to the motto, "Hate Is Not A Family Value," and then argue with me and
even sometimes never speak to me again when I try to hold on to my religion.
They tell me I'm living a lie, that I'm not being fair to myself, that I'm
in denial, etc., etc.

I am *so* sick of that, and so I'm trying to find the best of both worlds,
because I could lose no matter what I do.  And I did give things a shot, even
though it was terribly risky.  I still feel folks have no right loudly arguing
against a person's opportunity to choose, even if they think they know what's
going on.

response 68 of 254:

Oct 12 02:50 UTC 1998

You're living a lie = the way you're living rubs our noses in the fact
that we're trying to believe a bunch of lies

You aren't being fair to yourself = turning off your brain and being 
well-programmed robots like us is fairly easy 
                *OR*               = what you're doing makes us more than
fairly uncomfortable.

And so on.....

response 70 of 254:

Oct 12 09:16 UTC 1998

I'm not a Christian. I don't normally associate with very many Christians
because of that whole "homosexuality is a sin" thing (which I should add, is
not entirely "just" a Christian thing to do). I do, however, have some friends
who are Christians. The reason why I get along with them is because they don't
try and cram they're beliefs down my throat, nor I there's. There are many
Christians out there who follow this belief: Judge not lest ye be judged,
which I think is about the wisest thing to come out of the Bible. My advice
is to stop hanging the Christians who tell you that you're "living a lie" and
find the Christians-- gay or straight-- who will accept you for who and what
you are.
,
,

response 72 of 254:

Oct 12 15:01 UTC 1998

Some people "agree" to convert just to shut people up.

But seriously, I think spreading of faith is fine so long as it is done
properly.  In other words, wait at your place of worship with signs to attract
potential new members: if the come, they come, if they don't, at least you
have the solace of knowing you're doing things the right way.

But, could we please get back to coming out stories.