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| Author |
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| 25 new of 93 responses total. |
gull
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response 42 of 93:
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Jun 27 13:06 UTC 2003 |
I can't see spending that kind of money on a knick-knack for myself, and
no one I normally buy gifts for is enough of a math geek to really
appreciate it.
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tpryan
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response 43 of 93:
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Jun 27 16:26 UTC 2003 |
Anybody got a good portable hole around?
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other
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response 44 of 93:
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Jun 27 16:33 UTC 2003 |
I've got a few. Of course, what they're "good" for for me wouldn't
likely make them of any use to you.
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i
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response 45 of 93:
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Jun 28 01:24 UTC 2003 |
Re: #43
There's one right here on grex - /dev/null. Infinite capacity, zero
side effects - perfect for all your storage needs.
:)
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russ
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response 46 of 93:
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Jun 29 19:41 UTC 2003 |
A mathematician named Klein
Said "The Moebius strip is divine!
And if you glue
The edges of two
You'll get a weird bottle like mine."
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gull
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response 47 of 93:
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Jun 30 16:29 UTC 2003 |
Strom Thurmond's last words:
"They legalized sodomy? Over my dead body!"
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sholmes
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response 48 of 93:
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Jul 2 15:01 UTC 2003 |
This one takes the cake ..
http://www.chaser.com.au/show_story.asp?ID=638&ED=68&CAT=6
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other
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response 49 of 93:
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Jul 2 17:36 UTC 2003 |
... But not the frosting, apparently.
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dcat
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response 50 of 93:
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Jul 2 19:45 UTC 2003 |
Mole problems? Call Avogadro's Pest Control, at (602) 257-1023!
-- Dave Aronson
(.sig, soc.bi)
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other
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response 51 of 93:
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Jul 3 04:51 UTC 2003 |
#50: Yum. :)
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albaugh
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response 52 of 93:
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Jul 14 17:51 UTC 2003 |
You may or may not find this amusing:
Jester The On-Line Joke Recommender
http://shadow.ieor.berkeley.edu/humor/
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russ
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response 53 of 93:
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Jul 25 11:27 UTC 2003 |
[It's been a while since this was posted.]
Taco Bell Ritual
The moon was full and the streets were glowing with
power on this appointed day. Clad in ritual garb, I
silently walked towards my place of worship.
Soon it towered before me: Taco Bell. The mirror of my
heart and the captain of my soul. I closed my eyes to
ground and center. As I felt my inner power grow, I
intoned the ancient chant: 59-79-99, 59-79-99.
I watched almost from a distance as my hand reached
out and opened the door to this holy temple of human
desire. I entered the ritual space deliberately, but
reverently. As the door closed behind me and the
sounds of the street faded to a negligible chatter, I
could begin to hear the spirits of this domain in
their eternal song. Their song took the melody from
the chorus of that famous pagan song by Peter Murphy:
Taco, Burritos, Mexi-Nuggets, Nachos, Soft Drink,
Tostada.
As I took my place at the rear of the line of novices,
I could see and hear ahead of me the graceful
movements and words of the purple-clad priests and
priestesses. One of the elders was imparting magickal
wisdom to a young initiate: "Turn that stove down -
the tortillas are getting charred!" Ah, I thought,
they have not forgotten the burning times.
Yesterday, upon the advice of a wise urban shaman I
met late at night in Pioneer Square, I had stuffed a
taco in my pants. I could still feel its pressure
against my second chakra, filling my body with its
warm, yet chile energy.
Soon I reached the front of the line of novices. A
sacred temple priestess stood before me, clad in a hat
bearing the logo of her order. "My Will is four light
bean burritos, hold the cheese, with a small soft
drink. So mote it be." The power present in the room
twisted her face into what in mundane life would be
interpreted as confusion. I made the ritual offering
of metal discs, gifts of the earth, as she made the
traditional magickal response: "Would you like that
for here or to go?"
At last, I was ready to take my place at an altar. My
four burritos, wrapped in their silver metallic
wrappers, lay before me. "Shining ones," I murmured. I
was profoundly moved, almost swooning as I reverently
took one out of its wrapper. "May you never hunger," I
said as I emptied a ritual sauce packet on it.
Now it was time to invoke an element. "I call air," I
said as I farted noisily. The novice behind me made a
gagging sound and moved away. "Oh well," I told him,
"go if you must, stay if you will." Next, thinking on
the Great Rite, I inserted my straw into my soft
drink.
The room was swirling with energy. I felt my stomach
turn in sympathy. I hoped I wouldn't have to go to the
toilet to practice the law of threefold return.
Quickly, I reestablished my grounding.
But the energy was at its peak, and I could hold my
voice back no longer. Leaping on my chosen altar and
holding my atham-burrito high, I cried, "Trifold
taco! Be with us now as we honor you with cup and
bean!" It was a transcendent moment. The quizzical
looks on the faces of the novices before me only
deepened the sense of profound mystery that I knew we
must all be feeling.
But by the appearance of the two large uniformed
gentlemen in front of me, I knew that my role in this
ritual had come to a close. I felt as they dragged me
out the door that my feet were not even touching the
ground. With my soul in the clouds and my feet on the
earth, I turned to the outer doors of the temple and
bowed my head. Merry eat, and merry fart, and merry
eat again.
Blessed bean!
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edina
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response 54 of 93:
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Jul 25 16:10 UTC 2003 |
You know, I love Taco Bell. It's my fave fast food. But I don't love it
*that* much.
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jaklumen
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response 55 of 93:
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Jul 26 21:51 UTC 2003 |
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Think outside the bun!
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russ
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response 56 of 93:
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Jul 31 04:01 UTC 2003 |
Zen Judaism
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy.
If you wish to know The Way, don't ask for directions. Argue.
Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl.
Unless, of course, you have the closet space.
Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the
wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with
posture like that.
There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you
never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the
following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?
Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo.
Learn of the kugel from the kugel.
Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that
not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal illness.
If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and
attaining enlightenment will be the least of your problems.
The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The
Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take
sides. The Tao is not Jewish.
Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second,
satisfaction. With the third, Danish.
The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all
sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient
being who happens to be Jewish?
Be patient and achieve all things. Be impatient and achieve all things
faster.
In nature, there is no good or bad, better or worse. The wind may blow
or not. The flowering branch grows long or short. Do not judge or
prefer. Ask only, "Is it good for the Jews?"
To Find the Buddha, look within. Deep inside you are ten thousand
flowers. Each flower blossoms ten thousand times. Each blossom has ten
thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.
Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?
Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what
do you have? Bupkes.
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tod
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response 57 of 93:
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Jul 31 16:13 UTC 2003 |
This response has been erased.
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katie
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response 58 of 93:
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Jul 31 17:20 UTC 2003 |
So, they got Saddam's sons. Now, all they have to do is bag Dad.
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tod
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response 59 of 93:
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Jul 31 17:22 UTC 2003 |
This response has been erased.
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russ
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response 60 of 93:
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Aug 1 04:07 UTC 2003 |
Re #57: That is Ginsberg? It came to me w/o attribution.
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jmsaul
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response 61 of 93:
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Aug 1 04:08 UTC 2003 |
The poet or the Supreme Court Justice?
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tod
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response 62 of 93:
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Aug 1 17:41 UTC 2003 |
This response has been erased.
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jaklumen
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response 63 of 93:
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Aug 2 03:58 UTC 2003 |
Well, the Tao and Zen are a little different-- the Tao is very inward
directed, and Zen is very outward directed, from what I hear. I am
reading the Tao Te Ching right now.
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pvn
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response 64 of 93:
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Aug 3 05:34 UTC 2003 |
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happyboy
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response 65 of 93:
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Aug 4 07:22 UTC 2003 |
re63: what translation?
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albaugh
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response 66 of 93:
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Aug 4 21:57 UTC 2003 |
For all you lexiophiles (lovers of words - saved you looking it up):
1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison
was a small medium at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Bonus inside joke:
CVS is not just a farm at sea. ;-)
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