response 26 of 257:

Mar 26 02:59 UTC 2002

One of the best books for dealing with daughters is "8 Simple Rules for Dating
My Teenage Daughter" by W. Bruce Cameron.  I did not get it in time to
effectively use the information in my daughters case.  It shows the true
relationship between you and your daughter.  It shows you why you are going
to be so ineffective in getting her to do the right thing.  It shows how the
mothers and daughters of tis world conspire against you.  It is funny beyond
words. It will make you laugh.  It will make you cry.  It will humble you to
the realities of family life.  After all:you're the father.

response 28 of 257:

Mar 26 04:33 UTC 2002

If you regard 'parenting books' as instruction manual -similar to the
shop manual for a car- you are probably gonna be in trouble.  If on
the other hand you regard them as 'suggestion's then slightly smoother
sailing.  Those who have only a theoretical opinion on the subject are
to my mind a little like a catholic priest teaching sex ed.

response 30 of 257:

Mar 26 08:34 UTC 2002

I was thinking more in terms of those entering responses in this item.

response 32 of 257:

Mar 26 17:07 UTC 2002

My unmarried cousin used to teach PET - parent effectiveness training.  Now
he is married and still does not have kids.  He is tall and talks loudly and
people tend to believe him.

response 34 of 257:

Mar 26 20:26 UTC 2002

**FART**


(everyone knows that farts are funny)

response 36 of 257:

Mar 27 01:16 UTC 2002

Not even funny - predictable. You must have been drinking something. Jokes
always sound funnier in one's cups. Besides, she might have been a
hermaphrodite.

response 38 of 257:

Mar 27 06:18 UTC 2002

I can't. I always mess up the punch lines.

response 40 of 257:

Mar 27 18:24 UTC 2002

This turned up on the Washtenaw Linux User Group mailing list, today:

National Engineers Week

This week is National Engineers Week in the U.S. Below are some
characteristics of engineers that will aid the public in coming to grips
with this misunderstood segment of society.

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map
   the wrong way.
                                    ~~~~~~~
You might be an engineer if:
1. Choosing between buying flowers for your wife and upgrading your
   computer's RAM  is a problem.
2. You take a ship cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine
   room.
3. In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
4. The salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your
   questions.
5. At an air show, you know how fast the skydivers are falling.
6. For your wife's birthday you gave her a new CD-ROM drive or a Palm
   Pilot.
7. You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
8. You can type 70 words per minute but you can't read your own
   handwriting.
9. You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
10. You sit backwards on Disney rides so you can see how they do the
    special effects.
11. You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.
12. You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
13. You know what http:// stands for.
14. You look forward to Christmas so you can put together the kids'
    toys.
15. You see a good design, and have to change it.
16. You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
17. You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.
18. You think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
19. You window shop at Radio Shack.
20. Your laptop computer cost more than your car.
21. Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
22. You've already calculated how much you make per second.
23. You've tried to repair a $5 radio.

response 42 of 257:

Mar 27 19:24 UTC 2002

Most of the engineer jobs I see advertized specify as a requirement what
pretty much amounts to charisma. But most of the list seems to apply to me.

response 44 of 257:

Mar 27 19:58 UTC 2002

lol

response 46 of 257:

Mar 27 21:21 UTC 2002

change of pace ...
  
Subject: Marital bliss:


>  A woman awakens during the night to find her husband was not  in bed.
> She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She  finds
> him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of
him.
> He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.  She
watches
> as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his  coffee.
> "What's the matter, dear?", she whispers as she steps into the  room.
> "Why are you down here at this time of night?".
> The  husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago
> when we  were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
> "Yes, I do" she  replies.
> The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you
remember
> when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making  love?"
> "Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair
> beside him.
> "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and  said,
> "Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20
years?"
> "I remember that too" she replied softly.
> Wiping another  tear from his cheek he said,
> "I would have gotten out today."

response 48 of 257:

Mar 28 00:12 UTC 2002

Hah!  My car cost 50% more than my laptop.  Possibly there's hope after all.