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| Author |
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| 25 new of 79 responses total. |
davel
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response 25 of 79:
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Feb 10 02:05 UTC 1999 |
(Is that meant to suggest that she muses on the subject of plurals, or that
the muse is responsible?)
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albaugh
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response 26 of 79:
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Apr 5 14:32 UTC 1999 |
A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two
Englishmen are waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says.
The two Englishmen just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?" No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
The first Englishman turns to the second and says,
"Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...."
"Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages,
and it didn't do him any good."
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orinoco
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response 27 of 79:
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Apr 5 18:15 UTC 1999 |
ROTFL
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davel
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response 28 of 79:
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Apr 6 00:57 UTC 1999 |
Agreed. <chortle chortle chortle>
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albaugh
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response 29 of 79:
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Apr 9 21:20 UTC 1999 |
English phrase Chinese Interpretation
Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P. Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man Dum Gai
Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni
Your price is too high!! No Bai Dam Ting!!
Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution. Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
You are not very bright Yu So Dum
I got this for free Ai No Pei
I am not guilty Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer. Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive Yu stin ki pu
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albaugh
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response 30 of 79:
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May 24 02:03 UTC 1999 |
Clinton Deploys Vowels to Balkans
Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients
Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton
announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of
Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will
provide the region with the critically needed letters A, E, I, O and U.
"For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr and
Glrm have been butchered by millions around the world," Clinton said.
"Today, the United States must finally stand up and say 'Enough."
The deployment, dubbed by the State Dept, "Operation Vowel Movement" is set
for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny
slated to be the first recipients.
Two C-130 transport planes, each carrying over 500 24-count boxes of "E's,"
will fly from Andrews Air Force Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the
letters over the cities.
Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the vowels.
"I do not think we can last another day," Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, said.
"I have six children and none of them has an intelligible name.
The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a foreign
country since 1984. During the summer of that year, the US shipped
92-thousand consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaouoaua,
Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, life-giving supplies of L's, S's and T's.
The consonant-relief effort failed, however, when vast quantities of the
letters were intercepted and hoarded by violent, gun-toting warlords.
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keesan
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response 31 of 79:
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May 24 14:17 UTC 1999 |
r is a vowel in some Balkan languages. l is a vowel in Czech. y is not used
at all in Croatian (in Serbian it is pronounced as u, Cyrillic alphabet), and
in Czech it is pronounced same as i and in Albanian it is a vowel like umlaut
u. sz is used in Polish and Hungarian but not in the Balkans. None of the
made-up words above look at all Balkan to me.
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albaugh
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response 32 of 79:
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May 25 05:10 UTC 1999 |
that would be a hint to "lighten up". :-) [type "h" at respond prompt]
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albaugh
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response 33 of 79:
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Jun 25 21:25 UTC 1999 |
The following definitions are from the Washington Post Style Invitational
(a weekly contest for readers). The idea of this one is simply to redefine
words from the dictionary - no added or changed letters.
Abdicate - v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Carcinoma - n. A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Esplanade - v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly - adj., impotent.
Flabbergasted - adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Negligent - adj., describes a condition in which you
absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph - v. To walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle - n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Bustard - n., a very rude Metrobus driver.
Coffee - n., a person who is coughed upon.
Flatulence - n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after
you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash - n., a rapidly receding hairline.
Semantics - n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the
priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the
priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
Rectitude - n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.
Marionettes - n., residents of Washington D.C. who have been
jerked around by the mayor.
Oyster - n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent - n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
and...
The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to
take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of obtaining sex.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. . .
Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
recipient who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS,
which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
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kami
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response 34 of 79:
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Jun 28 01:59 UTC 1999 |
These are wonderful!
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albaugh
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response 35 of 79:
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Jun 30 23:26 UTC 1999 |
Double Negatives
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English,"
he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though,
such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is
no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
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orinoco
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response 36 of 79:
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Jul 1 16:59 UTC 1999 |
wow....
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kami
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response 37 of 79:
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Jul 1 17:15 UTC 1999 |
wonderful!
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albaugh
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response 38 of 79:
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Sep 24 23:28 UTC 1999 |
THE WISCONSIN DICTIONARY
1. AIN-A-HEY: placed at the end of a profound statement; as in "isn't It?"
2. BART: a Green Bay institution who doesn't need a last name; ("Vince").
3. BELIEVE-YOU-ME: attached to the beginning or end of a statement makes it
more credible; as in, "really!"
4. BLAZE ORANGE: what deer hunters and cold-weather Packers fans wear
at Lambeau.
5. BORN IN A BARN?: a sarcastic question which usually means you left the
door open.
6. BORROW: used in place of "lend," as in, "could youse borrow me a
couple-tree bucks?
7. BRAT: a sausage; a Wisconsin tailgate favorite; doesn't have anything to
do with a spoiled kid.
8. BUBBLER: to the rest of the world outside Wisconsin's borders, it is
known as a drinking fountain.
9. BUDGE: to merge without permission; cut in; as in "Don't you budge in
line for a brat, I was here first!"
10. BY: to; near; as in "Let's go by One Eyed Jack's, "or "She'll come by
the house tonight".
11. CHEDDARHEAD: someone from Wisconsin; see, "Cheesehead."
12. CHEESEHEAD: someone from Wisconsin; see, "Cheddarhead."
13. CHEESE CURD: small pieces of fresh cheese that squeak
when you bite into them.
14. C'MEER ONCE: a request for the presence of another Cheddarhead.
15. COUPLE-TWO-TREE: more than one; as in "Delmer and I drank a
couple-two-tree beers."
16. CRIPES: a Wisconsin expletive.
17. CRIPES-SAKE: a mild Wisconsin expletive.
18. CRIPES-SAKES-ALMIGHTY: a wild Wisconsin expletive.
19. Da: a substitute for words beginning with "THE" as in "Dat guy over dere
in da Bears shirt."
20. DAVENPORT: what your mom called the sofa; a couch.
21. FAIR-TA-MIDDLIN: not bad or great, just "O.K."
22. FISH FRY: a Friday night dining ritual in Wisconsin.
23. FLEET FARM: a Cheddarhead's answer to Bloomingdales.
24. FROZEN TUNDRA: Lambeau Field.
25. GEEEZ!: Another Wisconsin expletive.
26. GO AHEAD: proceed; as in, "Go ahead and back up your car."
27. GOTS: used in place of "have;" as in, "I gots my tickets to watch da
Packers play on da Frozen Tundra."
28. GOL-DURN: another Wisconsin expletive.
29. HEY: placed at the beginning or end of phrases for emphasis, as in
"Hey, how 'bout dem Packers?" or "Hows about dem Packers, Hey!"
30. HOWS-BY-YOU?: a greeting; the same as, "How's everything?"
31. HUMDINGER: a beauty; as in
"Dat croppy youse caught up-nort is a real humdinger."
31. JOHN DEERE: a Cheddarhead's other vehicle.
32. M'WAKEE: Wisconsin's largest city; located just down the lake from
Trivers and Mantwoc.
33. N-SO?: a word inserted at the end of a statement; (sometimes pronounced
as AIN-SO) used as a substitute for "isn't that right?" or "correct?"
34. OH,YAH: depending on emphasis, it's either used as acknowledgment
(as "That's correct") or skepticism (That's bull!).
35. PERT-NEER (sometimes pronounced "PRET-NEAR"): in close proximity;
just about.
36. POLKA: the ubiquitous dance of Wisconsin.
37. POP: a non-alcoholic drink like Pepsi or Coke.
38. RUBBERS: protection for your shoes; also known as "galoshes."
39. SCONSIN: the state where Cheeseheads are from.
40. SCHMEAR: a card game; also a term used when someone gets beat in a game
of Sheepshead.
41. SHEEPSHEAD: another card game.
42. SIDE-BY-EACH: used instead of, "next to each other."
43. SKEETER: Wisconsin state bird.
44. START WIT ME LAST: to forfeit your turn.
45. STOP-AND-GO LIGHTS: what everyone else refers to as traffic signals.
45. UFF-DAH: (from the untranslatable Norwegian phrase) meaning varies with
severity of incident - from "Oops" to "Crime-iney" to words which follow
"Oh!" you utter when you make a really big "boo-boo" and are in
"deep doggy doo."
46. UN-THAW: to defrost.
47. WHERE-ABOUTS: locality; proximity; as in,
"where-abouts are youse guys from?"
49. UP NORT: where Wisconsinites go on vacation.
50. UP-SIDE-RIGHT: right side up.
51. VINCE: the other Green Bay icon who doesn't need a last name for
recognition; (see "Bart").
52. WES-CONSIN: the way you can tell the speaker is not a real Wisconsinite.
53. YAH-HEY: affirmative.
54. YAH-SURE-YOU-BETCHA: yes, you are correct.
55. YOU-BETCHA: affirmative, as in "Yah-hey."
56. YOU'S: (var. "Yoose") pronoun, second person plural. Used as
"Whatch you's guys doin over dere?"
57. YOUPER (var. "YOOPER"): someone from ever further up-nort than you - in
da U.P. of Michigan
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happyboy
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response 39 of 79:
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Sep 25 00:50 UTC 1999 |
NOT FUNNY, eh?
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swa
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response 40 of 79:
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Sep 26 23:36 UTC 1999 |
Re #1, the list of products that sold badly in foreign countries due to
marketers' being oblivious to local slang: I read an article shortly after
"Titanic" came out, saying that it was banned in Lebanon because "Titanic"
(or something pronounced similarly, obviously it was probably written
differently) meant "let's go screw" there.
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rcurl
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response 41 of 79:
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Sep 27 02:59 UTC 1999 |
Most of those Wisconsonians are not limited to Wisconsin.
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albaugh
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response 42 of 79:
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Nov 18 18:33 UTC 1999 |
The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself
for the purpose of obtaining sex.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the recipient who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in (see Watergate).
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad
vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like a serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS,
which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid & an a**hole.
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albaugh
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response 43 of 79:
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Dec 8 23:44 UTC 1999 |
Fractured Dictionary
Arbitrator \ar'-bi-tray-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's
Avoidable \uh-voy'-duh-buhl\: What a bullfighter tries to do
Baloney \buh-lo'-nee\: Where some hemlines fall
Bernadette \burn'-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage
Burglarize \bur'-gler-ize\: What a crook sees with
Control \kon-trol'\: A short, ugly inmate
Counterfeiters \kown-ter-fit-ers\: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets
Eclipse \i-klips'\: what an English barber does for a living
Eyedropper \i'-drop-ur\: a clumsy ophthalmologist
Heroes \hee'-rhos\: what a guy in a boat does
Left Bank \left' bangk'\: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot
Misty \mis'-tee\: How golfers create divots
Paradox \par'-uh-doks\: two physicians
Parasites \par'-uh-sites\: what you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower
Pharmacist \farm'-uh-sist\: a helper on the farm
Polarize \po'-lur-ize\: what penguins see with
Primate \pri'-mat\: removing your spouse from in front of the TV
Relief \ree-leef'\: what trees do in the spring
Rubberneck \rub'-er-nek\: what you do to relax your wife
Seamstress \seem'-stres\: describes 250 pounds in a size six
Selfish \sel'-fish\: what the owner of a seafood store does
Subdued \sub-dood'\: like, a guy, like, works on one of those, like,
submarines, man
Sudafed \sood'-a-fed\: bringing litigation against a government official
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kami
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response 44 of 79:
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Dec 10 05:00 UTC 1999 |
ROTFL!!!!
Thanks.
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albaugh
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response 45 of 79:
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Dec 14 17:42 UTC 1999 |
I sentence you to read these sentences.
Eschew Obfuscation
Okay, those are just uncommon, but our mother tongue is full of slippery
words that you can't pronounce until you know what they mean, and you don't
really know what they mean until you have pronounced them! No wonder the
English language is so very difficult to learn . . .
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
This was a good time to present the present.
(And this last could mean "gift" or "current era in time")
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in my clothes I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
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kami
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response 46 of 79:
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Dec 15 06:31 UTC 1999 |
Great! Saved for my 10 year old, who may not be quite ready for some of these
concepts yet.
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albaugh
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response 47 of 79:
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Jul 28 15:46 UTC 2000 |
The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they
were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.
The following are some of the winning entries:
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Carcinoma (n.), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightie.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up
after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood,
including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book
together just before vespers.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist
immediately before he examines you.
Marionettes (n.), residents of Washington D.C.
who have been jerked around by the mayor.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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kami
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response 48 of 79:
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Jul 29 03:49 UTC 2000 |
Wonderful! Thanks so much!
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albaugh
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response 49 of 79:
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Sep 27 20:42 UTC 2000 |
WORD ANAGRAM
Dormitory Dirty Room
Desperation A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code Here come Dots
Slot Machines Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity Is No Amity
Mother-in-law Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness Genuine Class
Semolina Is No Meal
Public Art Galleries Large Picture Halls, I
Bet A Decimal Point I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two Twelve plus one
Contradiction Accord not in it
Astronomer Moon Starer
Princess Diana End Is A Car Spin
Year Two Thousand A Year To Shut Down
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