response 26 of 45:

May 8 05:49 UTC 1996

Boy, those last three paragraphs pretty much hit home for me, too.  I wouldn't
say *no one* wants to be with someone who is dependent and afraid; actually,
it can be nice to feel needed.  But I'm afraid empirical evidence confirms
what Valerie said - it is often easier to find someone when you're not
looking.  Life is rather unfair that way.

response 28 of 45:

May 8 21:43 UTC 1996

I don't have a cat, which ma be part of my problem. I just don't see how
anyone doesn't look. We all do it... those of us who are single anyway.
I just can't imagine being taken by surprise anymore.

response 30 of 45:

May 9 19:01 UTC 1996

(Re #28: Is this the same beeswing who said "I'm going to go hug
my cat now" in Item 16, response #108 of the spring Agora
conference?)

response 32 of 45:

May 9 23:31 UTC 1996

 <giggle>  Well, lemme explain. Isabelle the cat was my ex-roomie's cat, but
we both took care of it and loved it and I also considered it my cat. We are
not roomies anymore but I still consider the cat MY cat as well. Sadly,
Isabelle has run away and not been found for 2 weeks. If she does not turn
up in 2 more weeks, my friend is adopting another cat.

I am doing better, more worked up about graduation (less than 24 h ours away!)
than anaything right now. Very good advice Scott... I put off getting a job
as long as I could but now I have no choice. The real world beckons.

Problem is I run a high chance of seeing this fool again. I refuse to wuit
karate classes on his weenie account. I will try to go on differnet days since
I just do not want to look at him or be near him (we are both yellow belts
and some moves require parters, thus we've had to practice together). The
thought of him makes my colon clench. I hope he goes to hell and burns
forever. >:/

response 38 of 45:

May 12 18:48 UTC 1996

well, wouldn' he have been more of an asshole if he took the $20 meal and
_then_ told you about a girlfriend, or do you sus pect there is really no
girlfriend?  I really think you should try and forget this guy.  Remember,
and this is what i'm telling myself every single day, we're (almost) out of
school.  It's a different world out there, unless you're going into another
one, with different people , true even if you're going for more school, and
just think about how many people brush your life in one day... I mean, it
blows my mind how manyu opportunities to get to know people I let pass every
day, and I'm not saying you should go out there adn start being ridiculously
friendly adn familiar with people, because if you're anything like me, that
just isn't natural, adn you've got to be kidding if you expect me to start
up conversation if I'm feeling at all not safe in an environment, BUT, it does
mean that, as I said the first time I was unsuccessful at a relationsihp, adn
every single time after that "there are more fish in the sea, and damnit, he's
not worth worrying over!"
I dream every night, almost of next year when I'm goign to take a year off
from beigna student adn going to ry and "hit clubs" and stuff, adn though I
know I wont' want to develop most/any of the relationships I start in clubs,
there is this longing to be held...  I had that once, I went to a club inm
L.A. with some friends and there was a guy thre (I swear he must have been
17 or 18 or smoething else ridiculously young for a mature 22 year old such
as myself (that was said tongue firmly in cheek)) and we danced for hours,
adn he was very considerate, didn't grope or anything, he just held me
close... I don't even know his name, because at the time, there was no chance
i was going to go back, I was just there for the weekend, but now that I know
I'm going to be living in L.A. next year, I keep wondering what would happen
if I met him again..  or someone like him... or an asshole who would treat
me shitty (well, that I've dont a lot of already, so I guess I know how to
deal with that!)... and I have to say that there are jus ttoo many lonely or
alone people in this world that you should give up after one relationship
doesn't work out.  I am not convinced that the _perfect_ person is out there,
though my friends say that this is the case, but there are people out there
who are willing to makean evening less lonely for both of you... and I'm not
talking about sex, because sex without love is the loneliest thing to do to
yourself in the world.  While you wait for another someone to come your way,
try to enjoy the people around you now... 
you say your friends are not there for you now, and that's tough.  I've lost
a lot of friends to love and graduation, but some stick around, adn even
better, some return (tails between their legs.. believe me, I did this witha
lot of my friends after I broke up with my boyfriend, convinced that I will
not do it again... but I guess there is no way to figure out if that's true
any time soon!), and new friends come into your life.  That's what I've
figured out, at least...

response 40 of 45:

May 13 04:49 UTC 1996

I don't think he meant to hurt me either, aruba... and I do see your point.
He may feel badly about the whole thing. I am just not ready to talk to him
yet, but I will start going back to karate classes on Tuesday.

response 42 of 45:

May 14 03:27 UTC 1996

He called tonight and hung up on my machine, Hmmm.

response 44 of 45:

May 14 15:54 UTC 1996

Yep, I got caller ID. WOrth every penny.