albaugh
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response 193 of 203:
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Mar 17 17:36 UTC 2006 |
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important
meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,
"Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass
every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey".
Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said,
"Never mind, I found one."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets,
"Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said,
"Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die
you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes.
I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time
he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began
to bother him and he went to confession to repent.
"Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood
from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest.
"I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"
O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Paddy was in New York. He was patiently waiting, and watching the
traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of
traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went over
to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for
speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the
priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender,
"Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
Oh yeah?"said Charlie "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken-livered scoundrel!"
************************************************
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while, one guy looks at the other and says,
"I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"
The first guy says, "So am I! And where about from Ireland might you be?"
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."
The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I!
And what street did you live on in Dublin?"
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was,
I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I! So did I!!
And to what school would you have been going?"
The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."
The first guy gets really excited and says, "And so did I.
Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us!
I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight.
Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 me own self."
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters,
"It's going to be a long night tonight!!!!"
Vicky asks, "Why do you say that, Brian?"
"The Murphy twins are drunk again."
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