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| Author |
Message |
| 25 new of 318 responses total. |
tod
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response 191 of 318:
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Feb 1 19:23 UTC 2006 |
re #188
How many incidents should it take?
Depends on the circumstance of the incident. If the kid is smacking his
sister around and mouthing off when told to stop then that's different than
say if the kid says something at dinner about jep and gets cracked in the lip
for it.
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jep
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response 192 of 318:
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Feb 1 19:27 UTC 2006 |
re resp:185: I will give every bit of credence to my stepson's word
that I can possibly do. He has never lied to me yet as far as I know.
He will have to prove to me I can't trust him before I will question
his integrity.
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jep
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response 193 of 318:
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Feb 1 19:35 UTC 2006 |
I should add that there is definitely reason to believe that violence
has occurred at his father's house. My wife left him because of
domestic violence His 15 year old daughter won't go to his house
because of violence.
Reports from kids are very hard to prove to police and the courts. You
can do lots of things to your kids before anyone will intervene.
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tod
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response 194 of 318:
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Feb 1 20:13 UTC 2006 |
Best wishes to you and the family
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jadecat
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response 195 of 318:
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Feb 1 20:51 UTC 2006 |
John- best of luck with everything. :) And congrats on your recent
marriage! :)
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keesan
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response 196 of 318:
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Feb 1 21:03 UTC 2006 |
John, have you made any progress in getting permission to spend time with your
former stepson?
I finally put together the perfect computer - lots of ISA slots, everything
worked, until last night when the MGP card was somehow interfering with the
onboard printer port, which led Jim to poke around and somehow the keyboard
plug fell out while it was turned on and then it would only boot if we took
out the MGA card and now it won't boot at all, after we switched all the
drives and cards between the two computers because I needed an MGP card in
one of them (to run the TTL monitor). SOmeone is going to send us a 600MHz
board to replace this 500MHz one but it has less useful slots and it ATX.
I prefer the non-ATX so you can plug the monitors into the computer. My other
non-ATX computers have only 2 ISA slots (for sound, TTL, and modem). This
took an entire day of moving parts around to figure out, I had the problem
solved (remove the MGA card, it booted) and now it won't boot again.
And the nice Viewsonic 17" monitor is displaying yellow text (but R G B in
the setup screen).
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richard
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response 197 of 318:
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Feb 1 21:16 UTC 2006 |
jep I hope everything works out, but do you really feel comfortable being
involved at this point since you aren't a custodial parent in this instance?
How would you feel if your ex-wife's new husband asserted himself into your
son's business, when its between you and his mother?
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tod
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response 198 of 318:
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Feb 1 21:23 UTC 2006 |
He's living in the same house so its gonna happen regardless of legal custody
arrangements. I can't believe you'd second guess him since obviously the
mother is the one that's already made the decision by marrying jep.
I'd be a lil weirded out if jep wasn't involved in parenting but living in
the same house cuz that'd be signs of a doomed marriage. Parenting is not
easy and taking on a husband is prolly like getting another kid in the house.
jep deserves major creds for making his new family work.
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richard
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response 199 of 318:
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Feb 1 22:43 UTC 2006 |
tod, do you know how many marriages have broken up because a step-parent
attempted to parent and caused issues. If jep had been married to this woman
for many years it would be one thing, but he just moved in and already he's
filing papers on behalf of his new stepson. How long has he actually known
this kid? Parenthood over a teenager has to be earned if it is not
biological. I speak from experience. When I was a teenager, my dad got
married again twice. I accepted one of his other wives as a parental figure,
but not the other one, because one was a relationship built over many years.
That was my decision, not his. When you are that age, your mother/father
CANNOT simply make another person your parent by marrying that person. I
honestly think JEP is making a mistake filing paperwork and getting directly
involved here when he married this woman only days ago.
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tod
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response 200 of 318:
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Feb 1 22:53 UTC 2006 |
Well richard, I also speak from experience. My stepmom is a saint and always
looked out for my best interests even though i didn't always like what her
opinions on matters were.
Flipside of that, my mom's 2nd husband was an idiot. He didn't give jack
squat about my life except when my mom would complain that i was late getting
home from school.
Bottom line is, you can't be married to someone with kids and expect to skirt
your role as another adult i.e. parental figure in the house. You don't like
the fact that someone becomes a step-dad through marriage? That's tough shit,
dude. People get divorced and married alot in this country. I think its
wrong to live under the same roof with somebody's kids without being a
responsible parental figure. hell, kids dont get shown enough affection from
their biological parents as it is..they don't need a "housemate" married to
their parent that disappears into the shadows when shit gets rough.
If you were getting your ass smacked around by a parent and come home to a
step parent that doesn't show any concern then that's sad as hell, man.
I see nothing wrong with being involved with your family..biological, step,
adopted, or whatever. Don't be such a bitchy victim, richard.
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twenex
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response 201 of 318:
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Feb 1 22:56 UTC 2006 |
*ISA* slots?!
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jep
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response 202 of 318:
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Feb 1 22:56 UTC 2006 |
I don't see my former stepson much, or even talk to him on the phone
much. It's been a long time for him, and he has pretty well moved on
with his life. I've had little choice but to do the same.
My wife has custody of her 3 kids. I have made it clear to them from
the start of my relationship with their mother that I will never try to
replace their dad. Nevertheless, I have a lot of responsibility for
those kids.
Anyone who becomes aware of child abuse is obligated to step in and do
what is necessary (and what he can) to protect the child. Surely that
is in no way a controversial statement, is it? I can't see any way
that I as a stepfather could be less obligated to take appropriate
steps. And further, the boy explained in some detail to me things that
happened which I consider abusive. He asked me for help. No decent
person could refuse to at least try to help. Could they?
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tod
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response 203 of 318:
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Feb 1 23:00 UTC 2006 |
You dont want the kid to turn introverted or have social coping problems later
on cuz he got smacked around and had nobody to turn to. You're doing the
right thing and its good you can get a dialog going. It has to be
embarrassing and guilty ridden for him to even discuss it.
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mary
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response 204 of 318:
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Feb 2 02:49 UTC 2006 |
Really difficult stuff you're dealing with, Jep. Err on the
side of safety. Hope it all works out.
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bru
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response 205 of 318:
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Feb 2 06:07 UTC 2006 |
My mother was smart and never tried to re-marry. My dad remarried but
Jean never tried to be my mother. Dad was Dad, Jean was Jean, and Mom
was Mom.
That said, I resented Dad and Jean for quite a while. Mom amd Dad
divorced when I was 9, and I damn near destroyed my grandmothers
basement when I was told. Dad couldn't face me to tell me, I found out
long distance after the fact. I was NOT happy.
I grew out of it. I learned when I was 24 that it probably was not
wholely dads fault, but he did bear the 75% of the blame. My older
sister and younger brother have never really forgiven Dad for what he
did. I learned to understand him and I forgave him.
My son has just married and picked up two young children along with the
new wife, and one in the oven as we speak. On Thanksgiving he went to
pick up the kids from their father, and their father put a gun in my
sons face and said if he ever hurt the kids, he would kill him. NOT
the best way to start a relationship that is probably going to last the
next 20 years.
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tod
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response 206 of 318:
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Feb 2 06:56 UTC 2006 |
It worked on my step-dad. The guy only touched me once.
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jadecat
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response 207 of 318:
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Feb 2 14:13 UTC 2006 |
re #205- but it does go to show how protective that father feels for his
kids. Surely you can understand that. That guy doesn't know your son,
and he just wanted to be sure your son knew he was serious.
This is one of the reasons why I'm glad my step-daughter was an adult
when I married her father, and that her parents had been divorced since
she waslike 2. By the time I came into the picture she was long past the
stage of wanting mommy and daddy back together again, and is willing to
accept me as a friend- and even calls me mom (though she has about 3
other women she calls mom too, including her biological mom).
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jep
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response 208 of 318:
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Feb 2 15:07 UTC 2006 |
The groundhog saw his shadow, predicting 6 more weeks of winter.
Groundhog Day is the most important holiday of the year in Michigan,
because it predicts the length of winter. Not that this winter has
been very challenging; there's been very little snow since December.
Still, it's good to have an indication of whether we'll have 6 more
weeks of winter, or an early spring (which traditionally begins
approximately a month and a half after the groundhog predicts it).
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jep
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response 209 of 318:
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Feb 2 15:09 UTC 2006 |
Note to Rane: I know there's no scientific basis in Groundhog Day.
Also, please note that 6 weeks *is* approximately a month and a half.
Finally, I realize you don't think there's any such thing as God.
(Just pre-empting the usual comments.)
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jadecat
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response 210 of 318:
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Feb 2 15:17 UTC 2006 |
*giggle*
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jep
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response 211 of 318:
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Feb 2 15:20 UTC 2006 |
Another bummer (from my postings this is seeming like a bad week but
it's not all that bad):
I had to work until 11:00 pm last night. When you're the last support
rep in the office, and someone needs help, you're "it" and last night I
was "it".
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keesan
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response 212 of 318:
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Feb 2 15:33 UTC 2006 |
We ARE having an early spring.
My grandfather remarried when he was about 70, after my grandmother died of
a heart attack. We will never know why my stepgrandmother agreed to marry
him after 30 years of being a widow. She was an unbelievably nice person and
he was hard to get along with. She loved all her grandchildren, who thought
she was wonderful. But my mother and her brothers were still upset and
managed to find fault with her. Her daughters seemed to take it better. One
of them sort of adopted me when I moved to Ann Arbor.
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edina
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response 213 of 318:
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Feb 2 15:34 UTC 2006 |
John, I'm sorry on how things are starting out. I am confident that you will
do the right thing by these kids....You're a good egg like that.
Congratulations on the marriage! I hope you both have much joy and laughter
(and less legal hassle). ;-)
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jep
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response 214 of 318:
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Feb 2 16:04 UTC 2006 |
I am confident we are doing the best we can for the kids. I can put up
with a lot of stress if I think I'm accomplishing something good.
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rcurl
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response 215 of 318:
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Feb 2 16:10 UTC 2006 |
Re #s 208 & 209: HAH! I saw through you right away!
But that doesn't mean that there are any gods.
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