response 151 of 257:

Apr 16 02:09 UTC 2002

Are you allowed to repeat a letter, or is the fact that no letter are
repeated something a dyslexic would remember?

response 153 of 257:

Apr 16 21:21 UTC 2002

so it's like momento? ;P

response 155 of 257:

Apr 17 00:54 UTC 2002

I think it's a misspelling of "Memento", a popular film of last year.

response 157 of 257:

Apr 19 11:06 UTC 2002

I enjoyed this enough to want to pass it on:
----- Original Message -----
From: "Joe Ellis" 
Newsgroups: rec.music.filk
Sent: Thursday, April 18, 2002
Subject: Allah was Misquoted...


RE: the infamous promise to suicide terrorists that they will go
straight to heaven and be serviced by 72 virgins...
>
One of the fellows in our Model Railroading club was telling the
following story last night:
>
One of the hijackers went to his reward, and was greeted by George
Washington, who proceeded to beat him to a bloody pulp. In a great
deal of pain, he managed to drag himself off to a corner and, 
after a few days, was able to gingerly get to his feet again. He had taken
no more than a few steps when he was confronted by Thomas Jefferson, who
without a single word commenced to take up where George Washington had
left off, leaving him a broken mess on the ground. Once again, he dragged
himself away to nurse his wounds and whimper in the corner. Again, after
several days, he was able to drag himself to his feet... and ran into
Robert E. Lee.  Lee pistol-whipped him, cracking his skull and breaking
his nose and jaw.  As the hijacker lay there on the ground, looking up at
Robert E. Lee, he moaned through his broken teeth: "Why, Allah? When do I
receive my reward?".
>
Robert E. Lee bent over him and snarled, "This _is_ your reward, boy,
and you have 69 more pissed-off _Virginians_ to go before we start all
over again!" 

response 159 of 257:

Apr 22 01:49 UTC 2002

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat.  She asked him 
if it was dead or alive.  "Dead."  She was informed.  "How do you 
know?" she asked her pupil.  "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't 
move," answered the child innocently.  "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher 
exclaimed in surprise.  "You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over 
and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....
"Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"D! ! aaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"  The boy 
thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and 
keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, 
come in or stay out!'"

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking 
her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked 
with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she 
said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by 
his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy."

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old 
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the 
shower.  She said,"Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, 
remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." I know," she replied, 
but what's growing in your butt?"

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus
five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch
is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this 
is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he 
answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
"What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right 
now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching 
them to say two plus two,that son of a bitch is four?" After the 
teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What Itaught them was, two 
plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

response 161 of 257:

Apr 22 16:29 UTC 2002

Now that my mother has a computer, she gets all the usual resendings 
that everyone gets; chain letters, humor, all of it.  It's all new to 
her, and so she sends it all to me (and everyone else she knows; often 
the same people she got the original from).  I get about 300 lines of 
header per message sometimes.

But she means well, and I'm not going to tell her not to send me 
anything if she wants to.  Sometimes the stuff she comes up with is 
even good, such as #159.  (-:

response 163 of 257:

Apr 23 13:18 UTC 2002

I got this one from my mother, too.

---

Three old men are discussing their sex lives.

The venerable Italian gent says, "Last week, my wife and I had great 
sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil . . we made passionate 
love... and she screamed for five full minutes at the end."

The old Frenchman then simply has to boast,"Last week, when my wife and 
I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made 
passionate love and she screamed for 15 minutes... Think of it!  A 
quarter of an hour!"

The old Jewish man says, "Vell... It just so heppens that last veek, my 
wife and I had sex, too.  I rubbed her body all over with chicken 
schmaltz... that's kosher chicken fat... and we then made love, and she 
screamed for SIX hours!"

The Italian and Frenchman were stunned. They virtually asked in 
unison, "What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for 
SIX hours?"

"I wiped my hands on the drapes."

response 165 of 257:

Apr 23 23:22 UTC 2002

Yes.  It was.

response 167 of 257:

Apr 24 03:54 UTC 2002

Laugh, but keep in mind that there is another dangerous religious fanatic.
Teacher of "theobiology" indeed. 

response 169 of 257:

Apr 24 10:44 UTC 2002

My favorite bit is the addendum about "chmod 666" being evidence of evil.

response 171 of 257:

Apr 24 12:50 UTC 2002

Wow, a lot got added in the last day.  This site was on Slashdot yesterday
or the day before.

response 173 of 257:

Apr 24 14:30 UTC 2002

Is it for real, or is it a parody?