response 143 of 203:

Mar 8 11:18 UTC 2006

Real Life Simpsons Intro: http://youtube.com/watch?v=49IDp76kjPw

response 145 of 203:

Mar 11 01:10 UTC 2006

LAME JOKE OF THE WEEK,,,,

Guy walks into a bar with a pig with a wooden leg. Bartender says, "Hey,
how did the pig get the wooden leg? Guy says, "As I was climbing in the
Himalayas, I fell into a crevasse, and that pig pulled me to safety."

"Wow," says the bartender, "but how did he get the wooden leg?"

The guy says, "Well, we were dog-sledding on the frozen tundra when we
cut over a patch of ice. Suddenly, a killer whale broke through the ice
and attacked me, but that pig fought off the orca and saved my life!"

"Yeah, okay," says the bartender a little impatiently, "but how did he
get the wooden leg?"

"Well, as I was surfing in Hawaii, I was overcome by a huge wave. That
pig gave me mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and saved my life!"

"BUT HOW DID HE GET THE WOODEN LEG?" says the bartender.

"Well," says the guy, "a pig like that you don't eat all at once."

response 147 of 203:

Mar 12 16:33 UTC 2006

It's pretty easy to make fun of the antler guy.   :)

response 149 of 203:

Mar 15 06:43 UTC 2006

that's fine, and better than most people will ever do, but you must have very
low standards of achievement if you think that's perfect!

response 151 of 203:

Mar 15 19:56 UTC 2006

In no way could that possibly be construed to be irony.

response 153 of 203:

Mar 15 21:15 UTC 2006

The scientist says to the Doctor, "what is that frenchman doing here 
without a white flag?"

response 155 of 203:

Mar 15 21:35 UTC 2006

aka Republicans

response 157 of 203:

Mar 15 22:22 UTC 2006

Re: #155. Ahahahah.

response 159 of 203:

Mar 16 02:03 UTC 2006

An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have
a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and
long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as
they could be. The Japanese team won by a mile.

Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale
sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat
had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was
set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective
action. Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people
rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing
and 8 people steering.

The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm
to do a study on the management structure. After some time and billions of
dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were steering
and not enough rowing." To prevent losing to the Japanese again next year,
the management structure was changed to "4 Steering Managers, 3 Area Steering
Managers, and 1 Staff Steering Manager" and a new performance system for the
person rowing the boat to give more incentive to work harder and become a six
sigma performer. "We must give him empowerment and enrichment." That ought
to do it.

The next year the Japanese team won by two miles. The American Corporation
laid off the rower for poor performance, sold all of the paddles, cancelled
all capital investments for new equipment, halted development of a new canoe,
awarded high performance awards to the consulting firm, and distributed the
money saved as bonuses to the senior executives.

response 161 of 203:

Mar 16 03:43 UTC 2006

Jvmv has drank urine so he speaks from experience.

response 163 of 203:

Mar 16 05:20 UTC 2006

The 3 Doctors:

A British doctor says: The medicine in my country is so advanced
that we can remove the brain of a man, put it in another man and make
him get a job in six weeks.

A German doctor says: That is nothing. We can remove the brain of a
person, put it in another one and prepare him for war in four weeks.

An american doctor, not to be surpassed, says: Friends, both of
you are outdated. Recently we identified a man without a brain from
Texas and placed him in the White house. Now we have half the country
looking for a job and the other half preparing for war!


:(

response 165 of 203:

Mar 16 05:50 UTC 2006

To be a manager

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo
manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".

The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up". He gets the Indian a tall mug
of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of
manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks
out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a
bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says
to the waiter, "Me want coffee". The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto. We're still
cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that
all about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for upper management. Come
in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."