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Grex > Agora46 > #8: I'm Bummed, I'm Bummed, I'm really really Bummed | |
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| 25 new of 594 responses total. |
tod
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response 138 of 594:
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Jul 8 23:42 UTC 2003 |
This response has been erased.
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slynne
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response 139 of 594:
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Jul 9 00:55 UTC 2003 |
I am sorry to hear of your loss, Staci. Suicide is a hard way to lose
someone you love.
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jazz
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response 140 of 594:
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Jul 9 01:06 UTC 2003 |
Todd and I both lost the same friend a few years back, and then a year
later, I lost another to suicide. I agree with everything he's said.
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jep
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response 141 of 594:
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Jul 9 03:20 UTC 2003 |
Staci, I grieve for your loss.
I also have lost friends to suicide. I was angry at them, especially
the first time it happened. How *dare* he do that? He dropped a bomb
on the people who loved him; his mother, the rest of his family, his
friends, all who knew him. Like Todd said, it is the most selfish act
there is. It hurts other people to the degree they care about you.
I might have a different perspective on it if it ever happens in my
life again. Suicides are calling out for attention in the most
serious way they can, because they think nothing less than that is
going to work. Or else they're so miserable (lonely, sad, hopeless,
in pain, desperate) they just can't stand it any more. Or else they
don't know what they're doing; they're so insane they don't
understand. There are other reasons... but if you imagine their state
of mind, sitting somewhere by themself with a gun in their mouth or on
top of a tall building or with drugs or whatever... it is terrible
that anyone would have to feel that way.
Of the people I've known who have gone that way, they all had
alternatives. They all had someone who would have done *anything* to
save them, to stop them, to ask/beg/persuade/force them to
reconsider. I think, in all of those cases, *they* *didn't* *know*
anyone felt that way. And no one knew they felt the way they did,
either.
I think I'm over being angry at those people in my life who took their
own lives. They did a very selfish thing... but it's pretty selfish
of me to be mad at them about it, too, especially now, after it's too
late.
For now... mourn. It's good to let it out and to let people share
what they can to try to help you. Maybe a lot of it doesn't make any
sense to you now, but later on, some of it will come back and it'll
help you to feel better then.
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michaela
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response 142 of 594:
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Jul 9 03:42 UTC 2003 |
My condolences, Staci.
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jmsaul
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response 143 of 594:
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Jul 9 12:19 UTC 2003 |
Mine, too.
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anderyn
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response 144 of 594:
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Jul 9 12:53 UTC 2003 |
Staci, I'm so sorry. I can only say that I know how it hurts, because I've
been there. I wish it hadn't had to happen to you, or to your friend Victor.
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other
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response 145 of 594:
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Jul 9 14:41 UTC 2003 |
Anyone who calls suicide a selfish act is speaking from an entirely
irrelevant perspective. The state of mind which produces the act
prevents one from seeing it as anything but the only route of escape from
absolutely unbearable circumstances.
Suicide is an act borne out of deep illness, not selfishness. We should
mourn only that we were too late to realize and help those who needed it,
not what they took from us.
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jazz
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response 146 of 594:
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Jul 9 14:48 UTC 2003 |
The two views aren't inconsistent. Great desperation usually makes
people behave in completely selfish ways; it's difficult to see the pain of
others when one is in great pain one's self. It's a productive way of seeing
things, though, to realise that someone was in enough pain that they didn't
think (and probably couldn't) of what they were doing to the people around
them, and it motivates some people through tough times to stay alive.
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dewshine
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response 147 of 594:
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Jul 9 15:56 UTC 2003 |
Thank you to all. And I think I'll stay out of the debate on suicide being
selfish.
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mooncat
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response 148 of 594:
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Jul 9 16:44 UTC 2003 |
<hugs Staci>
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tod
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response 149 of 594:
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Jul 9 18:55 UTC 2003 |
This response has been erased.
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anderyn
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response 150 of 594:
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Jul 9 19:07 UTC 2003 |
I can't hate the person I know who did it. I miss her far too much. I will
always miss her. I will always wonder if I could have done more. It's been
over six years, and it still feels like a hole in my life. I have felt angry
that she didn't take the help that was offered (and it was offered, by many
people) but in the end, the fact that she's gone is much more to the point
than any other fact -- I wish she weren't.
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dewshine
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response 151 of 594:
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Jul 9 20:00 UTC 2003 |
re #149
Thank you for your comfort, but I have to agree with Twila. There is no way
I could ever hate Victor. Even more so now that he is gone.
While suicide is somewhat selfish, it is also very selfish to hate someone
because they are no longer around. What about the things the person was going
through at that point in time? Are they supposed to suffer needlessly because
we are attached to them?
I do not hate Victor, nor am I angry at him. I'm sad he's gone, and I dont
understand it. But he made his own choices, and even if we think they werent
the best, they were his to make.
re #148
Thank you, love. :hugs Anne:
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void
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response 152 of 594:
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Jul 9 20:48 UTC 2003 |
I'm very sorry to learn about your loss, Staci.
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jaklumen
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response 153 of 594:
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Jul 9 21:43 UTC 2003 |
I have been there, and so I very deeply empathize. I miss Tom a lot.
But all I got was an obituary in the mail, and so the closure was
rather... muted.
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tod
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response 154 of 594:
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Jul 9 22:15 UTC 2003 |
This response has been erased.
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jazz
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response 155 of 594:
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Jul 10 00:44 UTC 2003 |
Fair enough, but that's your way - and mine. Not hers. She's chosen
her way to see things. Just respect it.
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glenda
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response 156 of 594:
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Jul 10 01:56 UTC 2003 |
Also consider that Staci is only 15 and this is the first time she really has
had to deal with this sort of thing. Grandma was 96 and it was expected, our
friend Kelly died when Staci was 2, so she really doesn't remember it. These
are the only deaths she has had to deal with. I think she is taking it
remarkably well and with the right attitude.
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dewshine
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response 157 of 594:
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Jul 10 04:40 UTC 2003 |
I'm sorry mother, ubt this isnt my first real death. Victor is about the
fourth person this year, aside from family and Kelly. The difference being
Victor was a close friend, the others being people I barely knew.
Todd, I can understand what your saying, but I dont agree with it. I'm not
quite sure what else there is to say about it..
Again, thank you to all for kind words.
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tod
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response 158 of 594:
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Jul 10 04:41 UTC 2003 |
This response has been erased.
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other
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response 159 of 594:
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Jul 10 13:28 UTC 2003 |
<hug>
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glenda
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response 160 of 594:
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Jul 10 14:20 UTC 2003 |
I meant deaths of those who had close ties.
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edina
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response 161 of 594:
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Jul 10 15:11 UTC 2003 |
Either way, I was going to comment to Glenda and Staci that A) Staci, you seem
to be (from a totally on-line perspective) handling things well, and B) I'm
sorry. I watched my cousin go through losing one of her best friends when
she was a junior and it was hard to see her bearing that much pain.
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furs
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response 162 of 594:
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Jul 10 16:50 UTC 2003 |
Oh wait, I'm bummed cause I'm back from my awesome vacation.
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