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Grex > Agora46 > #8: I'm Bummed, I'm Bummed, I'm really really Bummed | |
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| Author |
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| 25 new of 594 responses total. |
flem
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response 127 of 594:
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Jul 7 18:25 UTC 2003 |
Meetings. Feh. I was just starting to build some momentum and really get
things done (good for a monday) and had to sit through an hour long meeting
during which, as usual, not one single important thing was said. My momentum
is wrecked, and since for the last hour I've had nothing to do but sit and
think about how much I dislike this company, I expect a hard time getting it
back.
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eskarina
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response 128 of 594:
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Jul 7 18:41 UTC 2003 |
Today is blah. Last night some high schooler pulled the fire alarm in my dorm
in the middle of the night (this is the 3rd time since I've moved in) so I
got even less sleep than I would have otherwise. Almost falling asleep on
the bus to school. Ms. Lemons was at school today and Ms. Rocha is a wimp
so I didn't really push the kids to think today knowing that I'd have no
backup if I did. I officially teach tomorrow, my "supervisor" is coming.
And because I'm so brillant I left the book I was going to take home to
prepare with at school. Oh well, I'll just get there early tomorrow and look
at it... shouldn't take too long to make some decisions, the investigations
aren't long. I wish a lot of the questions were better phrased in the book,
the kids don't always understand what is being asked, and its not their
fault. Most of what I did today was take attendance and then staple
worksheets together. Attendance in the second class is erratic and its
hurting my name learning.
On the way home, I got coffee at dunkin donuts cause I was still feeling
stupid. I then proceded to spill in on myself on the 'L' and drop the donut
I bought on the floor (I didn't need it anyhow, I guess).
the AC in my dorm room is broken, so its even hotter in there than it is
outside. They have thrown my stuff out of the way of the AC to look at it.
They aren't exactly sure what is wrong with it.
I have professional development in 20 minutes. I'm SO not in the mood.
What I want to do is find a corner, crawl into it, and sleep. Without being
bothered, for at least a day or so.
I guess its not that bad of a day, now that I read it. I'm just tired and
cranky.
I feel better now. :)
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glenda
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response 129 of 594:
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Jul 7 18:45 UTC 2003 |
Glad we could help.
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slynne
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response 130 of 594:
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Jul 7 19:40 UTC 2003 |
Sometimes venting makes everything better. I know it works for me!
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tod
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response 131 of 594:
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Jul 7 19:53 UTC 2003 |
This response has been erased.
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gregb
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response 132 of 594:
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Jul 7 20:23 UTC 2003 |
IBB I read Eskarina's msg.
Everybody sing!...
Monday, Monday
Can't trust that day...
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scg
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response 133 of 594:
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Jul 7 23:14 UTC 2003 |
What sort of job are you looking for, Trisha?
For me, looking for work with a "what I want to do is keep myself busy (but
support myself probably would have been interchangable), why won't anybody
let me?" attitude didn't get very far. Once I shifted to, "what can I do that
is really needed," my luck got a lot better. I'm seeing that a lot among
people I know these days. In my case, yet another resume being added to the
hundreds that were being received for every network engineer job posting
didn't do anything to help anybody.
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jep
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response 134 of 594:
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Jul 8 02:13 UTC 2003 |
Today, the 6 person part of my department in which I work had 2 people
on vacation and 2 more out sick. It was a horrendously busy day.
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other
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response 135 of 594:
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Jul 8 03:04 UTC 2003 |
I was understaffed and overstressed today. I fear tomorrow may be
similar.
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glenda
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response 136 of 594:
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Jul 8 03:12 UTC 2003 |
Yeah, for the first time Staci came home and collapsed on the couch while
getting up enough energy to go upstairs to her room. I can only imagine how
much you guys had to do that exhausted her considerable energy levels.
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dewshine
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response 137 of 594:
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Jul 8 23:22 UTC 2003 |
Hm, I dont know where to begin.
About a week and a half ago I had to deal with the hardest thing in my life.
I'm still dealing with it, but I seem to be ok as of now.
His name was Victor, and he took his own life. He suffocated himself, but
how he did is not actually as important as I thought it was. He was 26, nearly
27.
At his wake, his funeral, walking down the streets, passing Jimmy Johns al
I can/could do is look for him... but he wasnt there. Its very odd for someone
who is always around to not be around anymore.
Nothing could really be said to make me feel better. But then again, what
can you say when something like this happens? No words can bring him back,
and no words can ease the heart and mind. For most of the day I didnt really
say anything. I got hugs, told people what happened and cried alot. I
eventually found a friend who somehow managed to make me feel somewhat better.
When I found him all I could do was hug him, and after I told him what
happened I couldnt let go. He held me for awhile, and held my hand for most
of the night. He didnt try any words, and I thank him for that. Every time
I've seen him since he's asked how I was doing, and knowing that he cares
helps. I cant really express what I would like to him, but I think he knows
I love him.
I havent cried in several days, although I'm starting to as I write this.
I dont really know what to say. I've felt numb the enitre time. Empty, and
alone. While I know I'm not alone its hard to accept the fact that someone
I loved very dearly is gone forever.
At his funeral I spoke of him, and it helped. I told the people of the fun
times I had with Victor, and I told them what he meant to me.
At this point in time all I can is continue to live my life and remember him.
But its still hard.
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tod
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response 138 of 594:
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Jul 8 23:42 UTC 2003 |
This response has been erased.
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slynne
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response 139 of 594:
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Jul 9 00:55 UTC 2003 |
I am sorry to hear of your loss, Staci. Suicide is a hard way to lose
someone you love.
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jazz
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response 140 of 594:
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Jul 9 01:06 UTC 2003 |
Todd and I both lost the same friend a few years back, and then a year
later, I lost another to suicide. I agree with everything he's said.
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jep
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response 141 of 594:
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Jul 9 03:20 UTC 2003 |
Staci, I grieve for your loss.
I also have lost friends to suicide. I was angry at them, especially
the first time it happened. How *dare* he do that? He dropped a bomb
on the people who loved him; his mother, the rest of his family, his
friends, all who knew him. Like Todd said, it is the most selfish act
there is. It hurts other people to the degree they care about you.
I might have a different perspective on it if it ever happens in my
life again. Suicides are calling out for attention in the most
serious way they can, because they think nothing less than that is
going to work. Or else they're so miserable (lonely, sad, hopeless,
in pain, desperate) they just can't stand it any more. Or else they
don't know what they're doing; they're so insane they don't
understand. There are other reasons... but if you imagine their state
of mind, sitting somewhere by themself with a gun in their mouth or on
top of a tall building or with drugs or whatever... it is terrible
that anyone would have to feel that way.
Of the people I've known who have gone that way, they all had
alternatives. They all had someone who would have done *anything* to
save them, to stop them, to ask/beg/persuade/force them to
reconsider. I think, in all of those cases, *they* *didn't* *know*
anyone felt that way. And no one knew they felt the way they did,
either.
I think I'm over being angry at those people in my life who took their
own lives. They did a very selfish thing... but it's pretty selfish
of me to be mad at them about it, too, especially now, after it's too
late.
For now... mourn. It's good to let it out and to let people share
what they can to try to help you. Maybe a lot of it doesn't make any
sense to you now, but later on, some of it will come back and it'll
help you to feel better then.
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michaela
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response 142 of 594:
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Jul 9 03:42 UTC 2003 |
My condolences, Staci.
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jmsaul
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response 143 of 594:
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Jul 9 12:19 UTC 2003 |
Mine, too.
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anderyn
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response 144 of 594:
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Jul 9 12:53 UTC 2003 |
Staci, I'm so sorry. I can only say that I know how it hurts, because I've
been there. I wish it hadn't had to happen to you, or to your friend Victor.
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other
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response 145 of 594:
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Jul 9 14:41 UTC 2003 |
Anyone who calls suicide a selfish act is speaking from an entirely
irrelevant perspective. The state of mind which produces the act
prevents one from seeing it as anything but the only route of escape from
absolutely unbearable circumstances.
Suicide is an act borne out of deep illness, not selfishness. We should
mourn only that we were too late to realize and help those who needed it,
not what they took from us.
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jazz
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response 146 of 594:
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Jul 9 14:48 UTC 2003 |
The two views aren't inconsistent. Great desperation usually makes
people behave in completely selfish ways; it's difficult to see the pain of
others when one is in great pain one's self. It's a productive way of seeing
things, though, to realise that someone was in enough pain that they didn't
think (and probably couldn't) of what they were doing to the people around
them, and it motivates some people through tough times to stay alive.
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dewshine
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response 147 of 594:
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Jul 9 15:56 UTC 2003 |
Thank you to all. And I think I'll stay out of the debate on suicide being
selfish.
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mooncat
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response 148 of 594:
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Jul 9 16:44 UTC 2003 |
<hugs Staci>
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tod
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response 149 of 594:
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Jul 9 18:55 UTC 2003 |
This response has been erased.
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anderyn
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response 150 of 594:
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Jul 9 19:07 UTC 2003 |
I can't hate the person I know who did it. I miss her far too much. I will
always miss her. I will always wonder if I could have done more. It's been
over six years, and it still feels like a hole in my life. I have felt angry
that she didn't take the help that was offered (and it was offered, by many
people) but in the end, the fact that she's gone is much more to the point
than any other fact -- I wish she weren't.
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dewshine
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response 151 of 594:
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Jul 9 20:00 UTC 2003 |
re #149
Thank you for your comfort, but I have to agree with Twila. There is no way
I could ever hate Victor. Even more so now that he is gone.
While suicide is somewhat selfish, it is also very selfish to hate someone
because they are no longer around. What about the things the person was going
through at that point in time? Are they supposed to suffer needlessly because
we are attached to them?
I do not hate Victor, nor am I angry at him. I'm sad he's gone, and I dont
understand it. But he made his own choices, and even if we think they werent
the best, they were his to make.
re #148
Thank you, love. :hugs Anne:
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