response 121 of 594:

Jul 6 08:37 UTC 2003

(Actually Eric would have gotten even more punk rock points for failing 
to start the bike at all, instead pushing it into the street and then 
sleeping in a puddle under the stage)

response 123 of 594:

Jul 6 19:49 UTC 2003

in a short time I will again be 4 hours away from dcat.

response 125 of 594:

Jul 7 14:09 UTC 2003

Re #104: I hate this economy.  Didn't Bush tell us he was going to
jump-start it?  Maybe other should loan him some guitar cords.

response 127 of 594:

Jul 7 18:25 UTC 2003

Meetings.  Feh.  I was just starting to build some momentum and really get
things done (good for a monday) and had to sit through an hour long meeting
during which, as usual, not one single important thing was said.  My momentum
is wrecked, and since for the last hour I've had nothing to do but sit and
think about how much I dislike this company, I expect a hard time getting it
back.  

response 129 of 594:

Jul 7 18:45 UTC 2003

Glad we could help.

response 133 of 594:

Jul 7 23:14 UTC 2003

What sort of job are you looking for, Trisha?

For me, looking for work with a "what I want to do is keep myself busy (but
support myself probably would have been interchangable), why won't anybody
let me?" attitude didn't get very far.  Once I shifted to, "what can I do that
is really needed," my luck got a lot better.  I'm seeing that a lot among
people I know these days.  In my case, yet another resume being added to the
hundreds that were being received for every network engineer job posting
didn't do anything to help anybody.

response 135 of 594:

Jul 8 03:04 UTC 2003

I was understaffed and overstressed today.  I fear tomorrow may be 
similar.

response 137 of 594:

Jul 8 23:22 UTC 2003

Hm, I dont know where to begin.
 About a week and a half ago I had to deal with the hardest thing in my life.
I'm still dealing with it, but I seem to be ok as of now.
 His name was Victor, and he took his own life. He suffocated himself, but
how he did is not actually as important as I thought it was. He was 26, nearly
27.
 At his wake, his funeral, walking down the streets, passing Jimmy Johns al
I can/could do is look for him... but he wasnt there. Its very odd for someone
who is always around to not be around anymore.
 Nothing could really be said to make me feel better. But then again, what
can you say when something like this happens? No words can bring him back,
and no words can ease the heart and mind. For most of the day I didnt really
say anything. I got hugs, told people what happened and cried alot. I
eventually found a friend who somehow managed to make me feel somewhat better.
When I found him all I could do was hug him, and after I told him what
happened I couldnt let go. He held me for awhile, and held my hand for most
of the night. He didnt try any words, and I thank him for that. Every time
I've seen him since he's asked how I was doing, and knowing that he cares
helps. I cant really express what I would like to him, but I think he knows
I love him.
 I havent cried in several days, although I'm starting to as I write this.
I dont really know what to say. I've felt numb the enitre time. Empty, and
alone. While I know I'm not alone its hard to accept the fact that someone
I loved very dearly is gone forever.
 At his funeral I spoke of him, and it helped. I told the people of the fun
times I had with Victor, and I told them what he meant to me. 
 At this point in time all I can is continue to live my life and remember him.
But its still hard.

response 139 of 594:

Jul 9 00:55 UTC 2003

I am sorry to hear of your loss, Staci. Suicide is a hard way to lose 
someone you love. 

response 141 of 594:

Jul 9 03:20 UTC 2003

Staci, I grieve for your loss.

I also have lost friends to suicide.  I was angry at them, especially 
the first time it happened.  How *dare* he do that?  He dropped a bomb 
on the people who loved him; his mother, the rest of his family, his 
friends, all who knew him.  Like Todd said, it is the most selfish act 
there is.  It hurts other people to the degree they care about you.

I might have a different perspective on it if it ever happens in my 
life again.  Suicides are calling out for attention in the most 
serious way they can, because they think nothing less than that is 
going to work.  Or else they're so miserable (lonely, sad, hopeless, 
in pain, desperate) they just can't stand it any more.  Or else they 
don't know what they're doing; they're so insane they don't 
understand.  There are other reasons... but if you imagine their state 
of mind, sitting somewhere by themself with a gun in their mouth or on 
top of a tall building or with drugs or whatever... it is terrible 
that anyone would have to feel that way.

Of the people I've known who have gone that way, they all had 
alternatives.  They all had someone who would have done *anything* to 
save them, to stop them, to ask/beg/persuade/force them to 
reconsider.  I think, in all of those cases, *they* *didn't* *know* 
anyone felt that way.  And no one knew they felt the way they did, 
either.

I think I'm over being angry at those people in my life who took their 
own lives.  They did a very selfish thing... but it's pretty selfish 
of me to be mad at them about it, too, especially now, after it's too 
late.

For now... mourn.  It's good to let it out and to let people share 
what they can to try to help you.  Maybe a lot of it doesn't make any 
sense to you now, but later on, some of it will come back and it'll 
help you to feel better then.

response 143 of 594:

Jul 9 12:19 UTC 2003

Mine, too.