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Grex > Agora41 > #8: Tickle your funny bone even if you aren't a spring chicken | |
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| 25 new of 257 responses total. |
bru
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response 100 of 257:
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Mar 30 04:08 UTC 2002 |
But are any of you smart enough to work for the American Mathematical Society?
Anderyn Does. So there. Nyahh Nyahhh Nyahhh.
Now don't you all feel better.
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rcurl
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response 101 of 257:
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Mar 30 04:11 UTC 2002 |
Somebody has to empty the wastebaskets full of backs of envelopes....
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keesan
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response 102 of 257:
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Mar 30 04:35 UTC 2002 |
I used to work for them but after I finished the backlog they ran out of work.
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oval
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response 103 of 257:
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Mar 30 04:40 UTC 2002 |
hahahahahahaha!!!!
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tsty
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response 104 of 257:
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Mar 30 05:21 UTC 2002 |
>
>
>"Bear in a Bar in Billings, Montana"
>>A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on
>>the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
>>The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars
>>in Billings."
>>The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
>>The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to
>>belligerent bears in bars in Billings, MOntana."
>>The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going
>>to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
>>The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent,
>>bully bears in bars in Billings, Montna"
>>The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the
>>woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
>>The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully
>>bears in bars in Billings, Montana who are on drugs."
>>The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."
>
>
>The bartender says, "You are now. That was a BarBitchYouAte."
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
drugs , they are everywhere! avoid them
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russ
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response 105 of 257:
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Apr 1 03:40 UTC 2002 |
Apropos to the religion discussion going on elsewhere:
Three applicants for a Catholic seminary show up at the
appointed time. The abbot tells them that before they
will be allowed to study for the priesthood, they must
first be tested for their ability to resist temptation.
The three are led into a small room with a bench, and
are ordered to remove their clothes. Once they are
seated a monk ties a small bell to each applicant's
penis, then they are alone again.
Suddenly a door opens, and a lovely young woman wearing
only a string bikini dances seductively through the room.
Before she leaves, one of the bells rings. The abbot
comes through and tells the unfortunate bell-ringer that
he cannot resist temptation and is unsuitable for the
priesthood.
"Father Abbot, please let me try again! It was only
because I was caught unawares! I know I can do better!",
he begs. The abbot agrees, but when the young women
comes through again she is wearing not a stitch. The
bell rings even louder.
The abbot tsks, and bids the unfortunate applicant to
find a more suitable vocation. Crestfallen, he bends
over to pick up his clothes.
And the other two bells ring.
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bdh3
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response 106 of 257:
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Apr 1 05:10 UTC 2002 |
Hahahah! That is so funny. Russ who prides himself on being
so 'rational' - is an 'engineer' - yet tells a 'funny' joke
that reveals he thinks at best all catholic priest are homosexual
and that homosexuals are a subject of humor.
My favorite 'joke' along this thread is the one where two
politically/socially prominant blacks, one named Carter,
apparently actually approached President Carter's brother at
a function and asked him to confirm they were not related.
Billy Clinton was reported to have replied, "Dunno, we'uns
all left a few niggers in the woodpile". Its funny regardless
of if Billy was being ironic or speaking his mind (and I
suspect the latter).
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rcurl
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response 107 of 257:
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Apr 1 05:30 UTC 2002 |
I'm not sure what the joke is. I would not be surprised if at least during
slavery (or even after) some (former) slaves adopted the name Carter,
being (once) their master. I would also not be surprised if some Carters
mated with slaves. It would be reasonable for Billy to allow such a
possibility, or even assert it if he had family lore in that regard. So,
what's funny about it?
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bdh3
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response 108 of 257:
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Apr 1 06:02 UTC 2002 |
re#107: Good April Fools day bit.
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rcurl
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response 109 of 257:
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Apr 1 06:19 UTC 2002 |
If so, it is only on #106, for having believed the story about Billy.
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bdh3
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response 110 of 257:
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Apr 1 06:34 UTC 2002 |
You don't believe Billy actually said something like that?
Who's the fool?
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morwen
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response 111 of 257:
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Apr 1 08:13 UTC 2002 |
I don't beleive Billy Clinton would have said something like that, but
what makes the joke funny is the fact that it sounds so much like him.
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mcnally
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response 112 of 257:
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Apr 1 09:46 UTC 2002 |
Interesting slip..
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brighn
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response 113 of 257:
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Apr 1 14:27 UTC 2002 |
(#111> Billy CARTER)
#106, first para> I dunno. I'm queer, and I find jokes like #105 humorous.
I've just heard it before. Maybe you're the homophobe, for coming to such
quick and obvious defense of gays.
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orinoco
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response 114 of 257:
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Apr 1 20:25 UTC 2002 |
<blinks>
Come again? I agree that #105 was almost funny, and not really offensive,
but what's wrong with "coming to such quick and obvious defense of gays"?
Isn't that, in principle at least, a good thing?
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russ
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response 115 of 257:
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Apr 1 22:42 UTC 2002 |
And just to piss off Beady some more:
Q: How do you get a priest to have sex with a nun?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy.
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tsty
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response 116 of 257:
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Apr 1 22:43 UTC 2002 |
oh , let's fly a littl bit ...
Subject: Airline stories
For my flying friends as well as the grounded ones. Only John Xxx will
have intimate knowledge of these events.
Aircraft Humor
Conversations that passengers normally don't hear - the following are
accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from
around the world:
While taxiing the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a
wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
The irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
"US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie
taxiway!
You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you
to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it right!"
Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to
sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You
can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want
you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You
got that, US Air 2771?"
"Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal
bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground
controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was
running high.
Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you
once?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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morwen
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response 117 of 257:
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Apr 1 23:46 UTC 2002 |
<laughs uncontrollably>
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brighn
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response 118 of 257:
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Apr 2 01:14 UTC 2002 |
#114> I find it pretentious and demeaning for somebody who is not a member
of group X to tell somebody else who is not of group X that telling jokes
about group X isn't funny, especially if that first somebody is known for
making abusive comments about a wide variety of groups who are, presumably,
capable of taking care of themselves. No, it's not a good thing in this case,
it's beady saying, "I can abuse everyone under the sun except faggots. They're
helpless and need my support and defense."
#115> Now, that one's humorous.
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orinoco
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response 119 of 257:
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Apr 2 15:22 UTC 2002 |
(I'm gonna start a new item for this one before it's too late. Let's just
say I disagree.)
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orinoco
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response 120 of 257:
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Apr 2 16:17 UTC 2002 |
(Yanno, no I'm not. I think I misunderstood what went on there.)
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gull
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response 121 of 257:
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Apr 2 17:10 UTC 2002 |
Re #116: A few more:
Madison Approach: "Cessna 1234, are you direct to Madison?"
Cessna 1234: "We're trying."
Madison Approach: "Cessna 1234, turn right 20 degrees and try harder."
Navy XXX: "Duluth, we don't have any Jeopardy contestants on board and we
were wondering if you could tell us what lake that is that we're seeing."
Duluth Approach: "Do you mean that big one off to your right?"
Navy XXX: "Yup, that's it."
Duluth Approach: "That would be Lake Superior."
Center: "Delta XXX, say your Mach speed for in-trail spacing."
Delta XXX: "Center, oh, we're really hauling ass."
Center: "I don't care what kind of cargo you're carrying, I just want to
know how fast you're going."
PIA: "TWA xxx, how's the ride?"
TWA xxx: "It's rougher than burlap underwear up here."
PIA, after a short pause to catch a breath: "Would you classify that as
light, moderate, or severe chafing?"
For months after California's Northridge earthquake of 1994, aftershocks
rocked the San Fernando Valley and Van Nuys Airport. One morning about three
weeks after the initial quake there was a particularly sharp aftershock.
Moments later on Van Nuys' ground control frequency:
"Uh, four three kilo would like to file a pilot report for moderate
turbulence on the east taxiway..."
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tsty
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response 122 of 257:
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Apr 2 20:45 UTC 2002 |
<that's a good one ... haha!>
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amethyst
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response 123 of 257:
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Apr 2 21:22 UTC 2002 |
I am looking for something I saw a while back and can't find anywhere
now. It was a joke transcript of Dennis Ritchie in an AOL chatroom.
Anyone have this or know where I can get it?
Thanks in advance.
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janc
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response 124 of 257:
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Apr 3 01:32 UTC 2002 |
Learn the power of the search engines. (Keywords "Ritchie AOL chat" on Google)
===============================================================================
Subject: Re: That AOL Ad
From: phoenig.nospam@news.unimelb.edu.au (Phil Hoenig)
Newsgroups: aus.tv
Chris Baird <abuse@brushtail.apana.org.au> writes:
> > The girl saying "I chat with famous people all the time"
> Rather, it's "I get to watch other people chat with famous people all
> the time".
> (Then again, I've had follow-ups from Dennis Ritchie to some of my
> postings to alt.folklore.computers :)
I can imagine what it would be like if Dennis Ritchie were ever to go
on an AOL chat session.
---------------------------------8<---------------------------------
AOL: Please join me in welcoming our latest famous guest,
Dennis Ritchie.
DRitchie: Thank you.
Neo88: DUDE, WHO R U???
Britney2002: rnt u one of the guy's from Five? i loved that song u
wrote "we will rock u"
JohnL69: Britney2002, A/S/L?
2Hot4U: they didnt right We Will ROck U Queen did!! Queen
Rule!!!1! Five are just a faggy boy band!
JohnL69: 2Hot4U, A/S/L?
M@st3rH@q3r: U M0r0nz.. Dennis Richiees a \/\/@y-|<3wl l33T H@q3r
like me they talked about him on level9 last nite he
cumz from sweeden and he rote linnix
Trik-Ee: Yeah! And PEARL! PEARL RULE'Z!!!!!
2Hot4U: heehee.... cumz... rofl
Neo88: DONT CALL ME A MORON YOUR THE MORON
JohnL69: 2Hot4U, A/S/L?
DRitchie: Ummm. Actually I didn't code Linux or Perl, although I
did help write other...
M@st3rH@q3r: what good r u then?
<M@st3rH@q3r runs script he found to kick DRitchie off>
AOL: We seem to be haveing some techncial difficulty's at the
moment
but we'll have Dennis back on again soon. While we are
waiting, maybe you could come up with some questions
for our guest.
Neo88: TRIK-EE WHATS PEARL
Trik-Ee: All my leet scriptz r ritten in it.
<DRitchie gets back on>
AOL: Our famous guest is back on again. Are there any
questions for him now?
Priss2040: doctor cabbot ive got a bit fo a rash and its not going
away even after washing with a douche
AOL: Dr Cabot will be on next week. This week we have Dennis
Ritchie.
JohnL69: Priss2040, A/S/L?
Neo88: I THOUGH DR CABOT WAS ON 2 WEEK'S AGO
16yoPerthGrrl: she was.... she'll be on again next week too....
JohnL69: 16yoPerthGrrl, A/S/L?
M@st3rH@q3r: JohnL69..... u got problem's man
<JohnL69 gets kicked off permanently>
2Hot4U: wennz santa hear? I wanna hot chick next xmas
Neo88: SANTA WAS LAST WEEK DUDE
2Hot4U: doh!
Neo88: LOL
2Hot4U: :-)
Trik-Ee: I got a question for Dennis.
DRitchie: Finally. I was beginning to think this was all a waste
of time.
Trik-Ee: Yeah. If your so famous, why doesnt n e 1 no u?
M@st3rH@q3r: rofl
Neo88: LOL
2Hot4U: >;-)
DRitchie: That's it. One more inane question and I'm out of here.
AOL: Please, someone ask a serious question here.
Adelaide69: DRitchie, A/S/L?
---------------------------------8<---------------------------------
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