Anything For Love

Jun 18 03:49 UTC 2003

Usually I'll pass on reality type TV shows, but on Fox's latest 
offering I made an exception.  Julie seems to turn on a lot of stinker 
shows but at this was fun disseminating, that is, commenting on what 
we thought was good and what seemed rather insane.

The first couple was comprised of man who liked to frequent the strip 
clubs and a woman who felt it was straining their marriage.  She 
decided to perform a striptease for him at the club he liked to go 
to.  It was hard for her as she was much more reserved and somewhat 
conservative, but she figured he wanted her to come out of her shell 
somewhat.  We looked at it with a somewhat wary eye because of what we 
know of sex addiction, but he responded pretty favorably once she 
removed the mask she wore to conceal her identity.

Quite a few other stories were a lot of kick-it-to-the-curb scenarios 
where we figured the man or the woman (yeah, there were instances of 
both cases) was just getting dramatic closure.  Both had a similar 
formula where the cheating or straying partner was baited by an actor 
or actress and was watched by the other on concealed cameras.  
Usually, the player was caught giving away a phone number or something 
like that and played down their existing relationship.  They would 
always be greeted at the end by their significant other and dumped, 
and in both instances, neither seemed to think they were doing 
anything wrong.

The really scary story was a woman who decided she needed to get back 
her ex-boyfriend.  She was determined that the woman he'd been living 
with for two years was making him unhappy, so she plastered her face 
and the phrase, "Marry me, not her" on a moving billboard which she 
had carted over to his office.  One of the hosts brought him down and 
coaxed him to tell her the reasons why he wouldn't be with her (as he 
was very polite but made motions to quickly leave).  It was pathetic, 
as she all but begged him on hands and knees.  Julie asked what I 
would do, and I would say I would have run if I were him.  Politeness 
was a nice touch, but I would have made it clear to America-- "Holly, 
you're freaky.  Bye!"

Another girl was brought on the show from Salt Lake by a young man who 
felt she was his soulmate-- they had met three times over the course 
of about three years or so.  This was the only one I thought was 
innocent and not at all scary, because both parties were honest, real, 
and not over the top.  It didn't work out romantically, but both 
handled the situation extremely well.

The last couple decided to 'marry' on the show but took a polygraph 
test to determine some questions about the strength of their 
fidelity.  It was administered by a seasoned professional but I was 
surprised (perhaps it was due to time concerns) that it was limited to 
three questions.  The man was a rocker in a band and the woman had 
concerns about temptation with the other women he'd meet on the road.  
He didn't pass a related question, but he assured her that he was 
merely nervous during that question and was angry and upset about that 
test result... apparently, it was enough.

A little strange all in all but thankfully "Mr. Personality" 
nor "Temptation Island" or "Paradise Hotel" it was not.

response 4 of 24:

Jun 18 18:59 UTC 2003

re resp:1 and resp:2 telling-- no offense, but I'd expect that from 
you, Sapna.  I don't think I'll watch the show again.  Not enough 
sweet stories and yep, too much sick.

resp:3 I disagree.  Different, but it is still an addiction-- just not 
in the physiological sense that goes with substance abuse.  If you 
don't want to call it addiction, call it some other stripe of self-
destructive behavior, because there are some people who do indulge in 
stuff like this and can't seem to stop.

response 6 of 24:

Jun 20 00:57 UTC 2003

I'm talking about people that chase sex for the rush, that seem to 
prefer hardcore pornography and identifiable smut to real 
relationships-- or seem to let them creep in a drive a wedge in their 
relationships.  Compulsions, obsessions that don't seem to be 
conducive to communication, sharing, et cetera-- that they are 
secretive of, lie about, try to cover up.  People that believe sex is 
their most important need and that orgasm is the most important need, 
sometimes almost a fix.

This has been discussed a little bit in the recovery cf, and the thing 
that it seems to be marginalized somewhat by the fact that religious 
groups most often advocate therapy and help.  But I still think SA and 
SAA exist for a reason-- apparently it's a problem to some people.