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oval
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SEX and OWNERSHIP
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Dec 31 01:59 UTC 2001 |
so since senna thinks i should contribute more, i thought i'd start a thread
on something i find most puzzling about sex and relationships. it's not as
simple as a question of whether or not 2 people are monogomous, but more of
how jealousy plays into it. does the thought of your partner kissing or
fucking another excite you or make you feel threatened? one argument my friend
had about why she thinks monogomy is the best way is this: "well, what if you
find someone BETTER?" i find it odd that people think this way regarding
sexual relationships, but not platonic ones.
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| 73 responses total. |
brighn
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response 1 of 73:
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Dec 31 02:41 UTC 2001 |
I'm confused, I'd think that would be a good reason why polyamory is better,
frankly. If you honestly think that the one you're with is not the best
possible one for you, then why are you with them?
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phenix
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response 2 of 73:
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Dec 31 03:16 UTC 2001 |
hey, i alwas get turned on when i think of my current gf going at it with
another woman. but that's a WHOLE 'nother item:)
anyway, yha, that's the problem. we try to hold out. <shrug> though ihave
noticed it in the "popular" people tend to suffer more than the lonely.
the lonley tend to be happy with what htey get:)
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i
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response 3 of 73:
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Dec 31 03:38 UTC 2001 |
</ramble>
Taken literally, "the best possible one for you" is 99.9% sure to be a
person who you'll never even meet amid the worlds billions of people.
Considering the divorce rate in our rather-friendly-to-traditional-het-
monogamy society, it's pretty hard to criticize poly. OTOH, there're
a lot more relationships that need to stay healthy in a triangle than in
a couple - i don't see poly working for more than a small minority.
Ignoring emotions for a moment, non-sexual relationships tend not to have
issues with STD's, Friend of the Court, etc. There's fairly good reason
for a strict pragmatist to be a bit more closed about sexual relationships.
Jealousy seems (to me) to be pretty understandable as a genetic/ego self-
interest thing.
</end ramble>
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oval
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response 4 of 73:
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Dec 31 04:34 UTC 2001 |
re#1: that's just my point. is it fair to judge people against each other?
does there have to be a "best"? does how one feels about one person have
anything to do with how they feel about another?
re#2: and what aboutyour gf with another male?
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brighn
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response 5 of 73:
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Dec 31 06:10 UTC 2001 |
#4>I've had a few years to develop no-win arguments against monogamy. Here's
this one: If you honestly believe that there's one "best" person out there,
and it's not the one you're with, then you're ill-advised to limit yourself
to that person. If you don't honestly believe there's one"best" person out
there, it's because you realize that different people can fulfill different
emotional needs, which is also a pro-poly argument. *eg*
#3> POly is a cat-rat farm, as is any alternative lovestyle: The failure rate
is higher because societal support is lower, and so people who are opposed
to the lovestyle has ammo to keep it marginalized, which keeps failure rates
high.
It is currently true, in our society, that polyamory requires a higher level
of self-awareness to succeed, because the social support is lacking.
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