Grex Poetry Conference Item 304

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Message

Unsure about the title.

Apr 23 18:36 UTC 2002

THE SHOES

It starts, easily enough,
In daylight
When I begin my enchanted dance
Into the black spiral path.

One, two, and three steps,
Swirling and twirling,
Picking up speed,
Like a ship in a black hole
Or a whirlpool.
Frantic,
I struggle to free myself
To stop this dark dancing,
To find the light of laughter,
To be free.
A cold voice whispers of impossibility
Amid the funereal music
That moves my feet
In the dance of darkness
That plunges me into the well.
~22 April 2002

8 responses total.

morwen

response 1 of 8:

Apr 23 18:40 UTC 2002

When I wrote this, I was attempting to put down my feelings relating 
to the subject of depression (in a kind of theraputic sense).  Then, 
when I tried to come up with a title, the poem reminded me of the 
fairytale about the enchanted shoes that, when you wore them, would 
dance you to death.

In poetry class, they said that the title can lend a new perspective 
to a poem.  So, I'm not sure if "the Shoes" is appropriate, but "Black 
Spiral Dancing" is too obvious.

jaklumen

response 2 of 8:

Apr 23 22:33 UTC 2002

I like the latter title.

btw, Julie, I find it much more fun to wait for the audience's 
perspectives before I tell them the intended meaning.  But your 
mileage may vary.

Practice is doing you well.

morwen

response 3 of 8:

Apr 24 17:20 UTC 2002

Any others?

flem

response 4 of 8:

Apr 24 20:06 UTC 2002

Definitely "the Shoes".  

I found "funereal" to be off-putting; it's a little awkward in that phrase
for some reason.  Good work otherwise, though.

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