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| Author |
Message |
keesan
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Friends
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Mar 22 19:50 UTC 2002 |
How have you met friends? At work, school, the supermarket, the train, as
housemates or neighbors? What sorts of things do you do with friends? Play,
talk, work, trade childcare? Which of you took the first step to get together
again away from where you met? Do you tend to lose track of friends or keep
the same friends for a long time? Do you have lots of individual friends or
a group that all knows each other? What do you depend on your friends for?
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| 123 responses total. |
keesan
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response 1 of 123:
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Mar 22 19:53 UTC 2002 |
I am especially hoping to hear from grexers not living in the USA, who may
be more likely to continue living in the same place they grew up and have
lifelong friends inherited from their parents.
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flem
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response 2 of 123:
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Mar 22 21:59 UTC 2002 |
No. I've never met any friends.
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senna
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response 3 of 123:
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Mar 23 08:35 UTC 2002 |
I have no friends.
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michaela
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response 4 of 123:
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Mar 23 09:33 UTC 2002 |
I met most of my current friends through work and the SCA.
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vidar
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response 5 of 123:
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Mar 23 15:21 UTC 2002 |
Earlier in life I met my friends in school, sometimes by also being
friends with their siblings. These days, I have a lot of friends from
RoS, but not nearly as close as some of my school friends. I tend to
lose track of friends . . . which is annoying in one particular case.
I lose track mostly because my friends in school were mostly that, we
spent most of our time together in school and very rarely did we hang
out. Also I'm not as good with correspondence as I used to be.
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rcurl
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response 6 of 123:
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Mar 23 15:31 UTC 2002 |
I have no really close friends, primarily because we have a quite close
family, and don't socialize much. My wife has formed very close friendships
with a few colleagues, though even those are not exercized often because
they also have their own families and circle of acquaintances. I've lost
contact with my closest friends from the past. In fact, a few of my
very closest friends from the past, who might have remained friends,
died too young, quite a while ago.
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jazz
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response 7 of 123:
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Mar 23 18:42 UTC 2002 |
Everywhere. I have friends from my high school and college days,
friends that I ran into through people I'd dated, people I'd dated, people
I'd started talking to in coffeeshops, people I've just run into on the street
and seemed somehow interesting.
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rcurl
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response 8 of 123:
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Mar 23 19:49 UTC 2002 |
Are they acquaintances rather than friends?
Let's have a definition of "friend". Someone with whom just you and
he/she do something social six or more times a year, but without
any sexual undertones?
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oval
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response 9 of 123:
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Mar 23 21:23 UTC 2002 |
i disagree with that definition. but i wouldn't put all my friends into the
same 'friend category'. and i certqinly feel there are sexual undertones with
any heterosexual male friend or lesbian friend [platonic] i have.
one of my closest friends lives in malaysia. we used to be roomates. he's
buddhist and very very quirky. great guy, but we only talk a few times a year.
i'd still say he's a close friend.
i'd classify 'closeness' of a friend determined by mutual understanding of
each other and ease of conversation and comfort.
my other 'close friends' came from college (1 student, 2 former professors),
a linux server (the man i married), 1 from playing pool (and his girlfriend),
and i'd throw my dad in there too. everyone else i know are friends, but the
level of trust and understanding is lower at varying degrees.
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digivibe
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response 10 of 123:
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Mar 24 01:39 UTC 2002 |
I used to have a lot of friends until I learned about Unix. :)
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mwg
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response 11 of 123:
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Mar 24 03:36 UTC 2002 |
I rarely had much in the way of friends until a fortunate combination of
curcumstances got me into science-fiction fandom. Now I have friends
scattered about the planet in the SF community as well as the techno-geek
community which I linked to via SF fandom. I have 3 friends, not very
close, who do not fit into either of these two categories.
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jaklumen
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response 12 of 123:
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Mar 24 11:09 UTC 2002 |
Grex has been an excellent source, especially as Julie and I took the
opportunity to meet some of the users.
Other than that, it's been a smattering of places-- church, school,
gaming, work, etc. Wherever I hang out, pretty much.
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janc
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response 13 of 123:
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Mar 24 13:31 UTC 2002 |
I seem to be wired to need one and only one close friend. If my friend
moves away, I find another one pretty quickly, but if I've got a friend
then I'm not strongly motivated to make new ones. I tend to pick up
some second hand friends (friends of my friend) and that's fine. But
my social needs are pretty minimal.
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rcurl
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response 14 of 123:
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Mar 24 21:13 UTC 2002 |
(Another try...) People seem to be defining friends very differently. I
have a zillion acquaintances from involvement in many local and national
non-profits, but I don't define acquaintances as friends unless I am
in frequent, personal, touch with individuals with whom I share private
information and engage in one-on-one social activities. Maybe we need
here a scale of friends, say from 1 to 10, where 1 is an acquaintance,
and 10 is a bosom buddy with whom you share your most private thoughts
(but non-sexual). Add an "s" if sexual.
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slynne
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response 15 of 123:
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Mar 24 21:27 UTC 2002 |
I have several close friends I dont see very often. These are the
people I know I can count on though. The ones I know I can talk to if I
need to talk to someone. But, like Jan, I generally find that I need
only one friend which isnt always so great because I am always afraid
that they will move away or something. I guess I am not quite as
confident that I will find another one quickly.
One thing that I have noticed and I think is kind of odd is that I have
no contact with any of my friends that I had before I moved to Ann
Arbor just before senior year in highschool. I couldnt even contact
them if I tried. I dont know where they are. A few years one of them
called my parents house while they were out of town and left a message
that his band was playing at the Blind Pig so I should come see him. I
didnt get the message until several days later and of course, he didnt
leave a message. grr.
Actually, I have one friend from my childhood I know how to contact and
once every few years, I call her up. She lives in Oakland, CA though so
obviously I wouldnt be able to see her much. Although one of my best
friends who I see several times a year and talk to on the phone all the
time lives in Sebastipol CA so I guess I cant really use the distance
as an excuse. Anyhow, Anna (my friend in Oakland) and I dont really
have much in common anymore and talking about old times only goes so
far although it does have its place. It is kind of weird though because
I really care a lot about her. I have a picture of her in my living
room but, of course, not a picture of her as an adult but a picture of
her and me (and a couple of other friends) together when we were around
8 years old.
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keesan
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response 16 of 123:
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Mar 25 01:13 UTC 2002 |
I am not in touch with any friends from high school but I still write
regularly to the mother and sister-in-law of a high school friend.
I have three friends who I met during a summer school in 1973 and we all still
keep in touch by email, and one has visited here and the other three visit
each other (they are in Europe). Some day a reunion? One was a housemate
at the summer school, one took pity on me because I obviously was not
understanding a word of Slovene, and the other spoke good English and also
no Slovene (Dutch). I am still in touch with four friends from the late
sixties (college) who I may see once in ten years, or less. At the other
extreme are some recent email pals, one of whom wonders why I had my messages
turned off - he wanted to talk some more about friendship in different
countries.
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orinoco
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response 17 of 123:
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Mar 25 02:00 UTC 2002 |
Jan's description sounded about right for me too, up until the part about not
needing other friends if you've got one good one. For me, the impulse to meet
new people dries up if I've got a good friend or two, but I still get lonely
unless I know a good deal more people than that. I usually end up with fewer
friends than I really want or need because of it.
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gelinas
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response 18 of 123:
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Mar 25 02:04 UTC 2002 |
I'm with you, Rane. Most of the people I know fall into the category of
"acquaintance." And I'm sometimes surprised by the number of them.
slynne reminds me that I exchanged e-mail with one of my highschool
classmates, while trying to arrange to attend one of our class reunions. So
there is _some_ contact possible that far back. It's just very rare for me.
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eskarina
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response 19 of 123:
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Mar 25 04:31 UTC 2002 |
I *like* meeting new people. I tend to be less good about following up with
them, whether I want to or not. I like meeting new people because it makes
me feel like I get new perspectives on life every time I talk to someone about
stuff and just listen to them.
I've been burned too many times in the "one close friend" model. Inevitably,
we end up in a fight and then I'm sitting around with no one left who
understands. So now I have several moderately close friends, with none of
the relationships being as close as the former "one close friend", but more
of a compilation that satisfies the need of the one.
So now I've got my math friends that I talk math stuff with, my church
friends, my dorm friends, the people I've met at Hillel, and the traditional
"friends from high school" who I try to talk with now and then to see what's
new, etc, and probably people who don't fit into any group.
(I don't call them "aquantainces" unless I don't like them/think they don't
like me but am too polite or something to say it.)
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gelinas
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response 20 of 123:
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Mar 25 04:48 UTC 2002 |
If I don't like them, I'm not inclined to refer to them at all.
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scott
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response 21 of 123:
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Mar 25 14:28 UTC 2002 |
I had a couple really close friends back in elementary/junior/high school,
but I've mostly drifted away from them (or vice-versa). These days I tend
to have many more but not-so-close friends.
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anderyn
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response 22 of 123:
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Mar 25 15:56 UTC 2002 |
This response has been erased.
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rcurl
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response 23 of 123:
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Mar 25 16:23 UTC 2002 |
My impression is that women have more friends, of say level 7+, with
whom they discuss their personal lives, than do men. What do you
think?
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morwen
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response 24 of 123:
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Mar 25 16:29 UTC 2002 |
I can usually socialize anywhere I am, but I only claim a few people
into my circle of "friends". These are generally people I feel I can
trust and talk with, who care as much about me as I do for them. It's
harder finding people like that now and I find myself more an more
often just tagging along with Jon to where ever it is he is going or
else staying home and doing something quiet, like read a book. I know
I should go out and make more friends. I love to play role-playing
games, but I don't currently know anyone with a group that doesn't
smoke. Also, with a new baby on the way, I think I may tend to
sacrifice my own social well-being in favor of taking care of my
child. I use to be such a social animal, but lately, I've just fallen
off. It may be something I've picked up from my folks, who are both
introverts and don't really get out much. Who knows?
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