nettie
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Medical humor
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Oct 12 02:21 UTC 2000 |
Subject: Medical humor
Date: Mon, 09 Oct 2000 21:16:26 -0500
Subject: A little medical humor
Sometimes the truth is more amusing than fiction:
A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there are several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
*********
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed."Yes, they used to be," lamented the patient.
*********
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had
died of a "massive internal fart."
*********
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right
eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. " Now your left."
Again, a flawlessa read. "Now both eyes," I requested. There was silence.
He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with
both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
*********
I was helping a patient into the bathroom when the patient exclaimed,
"You're not coming in here with me. This is a one-seater!"
*********
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his
medications." Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch. The nurse told me
to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
put them!" The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped
he wouldn't see....Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now,
the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new
one.
*********
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered....."Why, not for about twenty years- not since my husband was
alive."
*********
And of course, the best is saved for last....
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast
this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see
the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
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