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Grex > Agora35 > #71: Don't take this the wrong way, but you kind of suck. | |
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beeswing
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Don't take this the wrong way, but you kind of suck.
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Oct 8 05:13 UTC 2000 |
Or something like that. I noticed in the 'music guilty pleasures' item
a few people said "It doesn't matter because I don't give a shit what
people think."
Now. We all say this, but don't most people deep down wonder what
people have thought or said of them at one point or another?
How much does another's opinion of you-- good or bad-- matter? How has
it affected you at one time?
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| 79 responses total. |
mdw
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response 1 of 79:
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Oct 8 07:31 UTC 2000 |
At least for me, that's kind of a complicated question, and it depends a
lot on the situation and person. I certainly hope friends and
associates have a good opinion of me, and to the extent that I have to
encounter absolute strangers sometimes in daily life, I hope they don't
take an instant dislike to me. On the other hand, I find it kind of
disconcerting to have an absolute stranger fawn on me (ok, so I wrote a
computer conferencing system once, that doesn't make me god, honest!).
I would definitely prefer to be invisible to people, telemarketers
especially, who think they're justified in taking up my time with
elaborate plans to extract money out of my pocket. And there is the
occasional human relations disaster - people whom for whatever reason
have taken a dislike to me, or people that I have taken a dislike to
myself, or sometimes both. Usually, I don't find it that hard to ignore
those people's opinion of me, and sometimes, it's even useful to have
that "dislike" thing going - it makes it a lot easier to avoid conflict,
oddly enough. I dislike conflict, but soemtimes it's impossible to
avoid, which can lead to some unpleasant situations.
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bdh3
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response 2 of 79:
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Oct 8 08:18 UTC 2000 |
Sometimes there are people like mdw who deserve to be regarded as unix
gods. Janc is another. Its hard to place mdw and janc in the unix
pantheon. - whom is the prophet and whom the god. And then there are
people like Clyde Hoover.
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jerryr
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response 3 of 79:
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Oct 8 11:22 UTC 2000 |
i don't let a person's accomplishments get in the way of my disliking them
if they are assholes.
i have no interest in promoting myself to others so they like me. they either
do or they don't. either way it's no skin off my nose.
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beeswing
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response 4 of 79:
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Oct 8 15:46 UTC 2000 |
My question is if anyone REALLY feels that way... that they genuinely
do not care what someone thinks or says of them. Don't you at least
step back for a second and go, "Whoa, they think THAT?" And that can
pertain to something positive or negative.
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happyboy
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response 5 of 79:
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Oct 8 16:35 UTC 2000 |
i'm not worried about it. doesn't make me *happy* if
someone doesn't like me but...o h w e l l.
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jerryr
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response 6 of 79:
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Oct 8 17:23 UTC 2000 |
re: #4 honestly, no. my ego is full and intact. i figured out many years
ago that i have to live my life to please myself. if in the process i please
others - coo el. but if i don't, it doesn't bother me in the least. i am
almost purely inner directed.
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danr
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response 7 of 79:
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Oct 8 18:07 UTC 2000 |
There are some people, who if they said to me, "Dan, you're way off base
there," or "Dan, you're acting like an asshole," I would step back and
reconsider. These are people who I feel know me and like me. Criticism from
people I don't know or criticism from out of the blue goes right by me,
however.
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scott
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response 8 of 79:
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Oct 8 18:11 UTC 2000 |
This (an online discussion) is an interesting place to talk about this sort
of thing.
A lot of people become very immune to the opinions of others when online.
This is what leads to flame wars and the like. My theory is that to them,
online people aren't actually real people.
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birdy
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response 9 of 79:
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Oct 8 19:55 UTC 2000 |
If my friends have a criticism I step back and listen. If it's a stranger
I examine it, then shrug it off. Strangers don't know me well enough to pass
judgment. Now, if it's something like, "Wow...are you fat!" I still shrug
it off 'cause duh...I am. ;-) Sure, they're rude and obnoxious but it
doesn't ruin my day. Why let it? I think I've just become callous to
strangers since I deal with rude ones ALL DAY.
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scg
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response 10 of 79:
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Oct 8 20:50 UTC 2000 |
I have no desire to be universally regarded as a god, or anything like that.
However, if I'm spending time with people I certianly hope that we can all
like eachother, since that's generally a sign that something is a pleasant
experience for everybody involved. If I'm spending time with somebody and
they don't like me, then I'm presumably making things unpleasant for them,
and unless I have some more important purpose in being there I should probably
leave.
I don't know how I'd take somebody telling me they didn't like me at this
point. It's been years since it last happened. I'd probably want to take
a hard look at whatever reasing they presented, or whatever reasoning they
figured out, and decide whether it was their problem that I couldn't do
anything about, or something where I had been wrong and where I should try
to change. Certianly there are some people who I wouldn't be able to please
by doing anything I felt it was reasonable to do, and in that case I suppose
I'd just have to ignore it.
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gull
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response 11 of 79:
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Oct 8 21:56 UTC 2000 |
I think I've always staked far too much of my self worth on what others
think of me. I've been told by many, many people that this is a bad idea,
and I've tried to change it, but I still will bend over backwards to keep
people from disliking me a lot of the time. I mean, logically, it's not my
opinion of myself that controls how far I'll get in life -- it's what others
think of me.
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mary
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response 12 of 79:
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Oct 8 22:01 UTC 2000 |
"Criticism" is a load worded, packed with all kinds of
negative emotions. Years ago I decided to think of
what most people label as "criticism" as a "difference of
opinion". Which in almost all cases it is.
Very sensitive, high-maintentance people, who walk around
without skin tend to disagree with me on this one. ;-)
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slynne
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response 13 of 79:
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Oct 9 01:28 UTC 2000 |
I care about what people think of me, even strangers. This is why I sometimes
have a hard time having bowel movements in public.
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mdw
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response 14 of 79:
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Oct 9 01:37 UTC 2000 |
Apparently, slynne lives a much more exciting public life than I had
guessed. I hate to think where she has these public bowel movements.
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beeswing
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response 15 of 79:
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Oct 9 02:02 UTC 2000 |
Yes but if you're seen leaving a public restroom and you encounter
stank, you're labeled as 'the one who stunk up the bathroom'. :)
I know of someone who does not listen to anything, good or bad, that
people say about him. He feels that is giving other people control over
how he sees himself. He's got a point...
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senna
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response 16 of 79:
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Oct 9 05:23 UTC 2000 |
My perspective is somewhat odd, since my job has some interesting pieces
involved. Customers tend to slide off my back, but I am in a curious position
regarding most of my coworkers; I generally consider it part of my job to
make them feel at least somewhat happy and satisfied with the job. This leads
me to do a lot of things (which, I might add, some other people dont' seem
to care about) to brighten their mood, enrich their experience, whatever.
I'm thus concerned about what they think about me, as an extension of their
environment.
Other than that, though, I try to ignore everybody. The place is juvenile.
I am reminded of that almost constantly. :)
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jazz
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response 17 of 79:
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Oct 9 14:05 UTC 2000 |
Steve, with that attitude, wanna come to work with me? Heh.
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xcalibur
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response 18 of 79:
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Oct 9 21:59 UTC 2000 |
I seem to operate the same as Senna. I like all my co-workers and joke and
chat with them cuz I know they are probably having about as crummy a day as
I am. We all get along really well. :)
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mcnally
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response 19 of 79:
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Oct 10 00:41 UTC 2000 |
I generally prefer to have people like me (who doesn't?) and I probably
spend too much time worrying about what people think of me. With the
exception of a few people whose opinions I have completely written off,
I usually want even people whom I dislike to at least respect me.
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jerryr
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response 20 of 79:
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Oct 10 12:14 UTC 2000 |
not caring what people say is different from not listening to what people say.
i demand the right to do with the imput what i please. the point is, just
because someone says something negative about me it is not going to trigger
waves of introspection and a series of actions intended to change myself to
please the person leveling criticism at me.
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flem
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response 21 of 79:
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Oct 10 20:37 UTC 2000 |
I frequently do care what people think. I consider myself to have a
fairly strong ego, and to be fairly well "internally motivated", but I
find that one of the things towards which I am motivated is to secure
the good opinions of people I respect, and I find it painful and
embarrassing to fail to do so.
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jerryr
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response 22 of 79:
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Oct 11 13:07 UTC 2000 |
you are allowed to be how you want to be, but i would argue that being pained
and embarrassed when you don't get the good opinions of those you respect,
falls far short of being fairly well internally motivated.
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md
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response 23 of 79:
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Oct 11 13:25 UTC 2000 |
Y'know, jer, I think we get the point: All the insults, derision,
mockery and indifference with which your posts are greeted here and on
mnet have had absolutely no effect on you, it's all just pixels on a
screen, it is to laugh, yada yada yada. We get it. Some of us might
even believe it. In any case, you can stop saying it now. (Although,
of course, you are allowed to keep on saying it if you want.)
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md
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response 24 of 79:
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Oct 11 13:26 UTC 2000 |
;-)
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