Lingerie

Sep 28 07:33 UTC 2000

(((I did not write this.)))

My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and
lifted out a tissue-wrapped package.

"This," he said, "is not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the
tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and
trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure
on it was still attached. "Jan bought this the first time we went to New
York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it
for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion."

He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we
were taking to the mortician.

His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed
the drawer shut and turned to me.

"Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you're alive
is a special occasion." 

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed
when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an
unexpected death.

I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the
Midwestern town where my sister's family lives.

I thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or heard or done. I
thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they
were special.

I'm still thinking about his words, and they've changed my life. I'm
reading more and dusting less.

I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the
weeds in the garden.

I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in
committee meetings.

Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savor, not
endure.

I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them. I'm not
"saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special
event-such as losing a pound getting the sink unstopped, the first
camellia blossom.

I wear my good blazer to the market if I like it. My theory is if I look
prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one smallbag of groceries without
wincing.

I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware
stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my
party-going friends.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary.
If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it
now. 

I'm not sure what my sister would've done had she known that she
wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she
would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have
called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past
squabbles.

I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her
favorite food.

I'm guessing -I'll never know.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew
that my hours were limited.

Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in
touch with - someday.

Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write
- one of these days.

Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband often enough how much I
truly love him.

I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that
would add laughter and luster to our lives.

And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. 
Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God. You've got
to dance like nobody's watching, and love like it's never going to
hurt.... 

People say true friends must always hold hands, but true
friends don't need to hold hands because they know the other hand will
always be there." If you've received this it is because someone cares for
you. If you're too busy to take the few minutes that it would take right
now to forward this to ten people, would it be the first time you didn't
do that little thing that would make a difference in your relationships? I
can tell you it certainly won't be the last. Take a few minutes to send
this to a few people you care about, just to let them know that you're
thinking of them.

Enjoy the moment.

response 2 of 30:

Sep 28 15:05 UTC 2000

Thanks nettie, that's a nice story.

response 4 of 30:

Sep 28 15:37 UTC 2000

Yeah, all right, I know, this is a good message and all, and I can't say I
disagree with any of it, but for some reason, I found reading it to be an
extremely unpleasant chore.  As someone said recently, "This is to Oxygen for
me."

response 6 of 30:

Sep 28 19:19 UTC 2000

Are you sure?  Good lord, my memory is going down the tubes.

response 8 of 30:

Sep 29 00:22 UTC 2000

i fail to see what difference it makes to the dead what they are planted in.

response 10 of 30:

Sep 29 00:56 UTC 2000

It makes a difference to the people who are planting them, though, jerryr.
And, in case someone didn't know, normally the funeral director will ask for
full head-to-toe clothing for the deceased to wear. 

response 12 of 30:

Sep 29 02:18 UTC 2000

Oh god, did this chick get fired from the Oprah magazine?

response 14 of 30:

Sep 29 06:13 UTC 2000

I have two silver hairs now.  They're kinda neat, but eep!  ;-)  And fwiw,
I don't know if you're really older than me or not, Greg.  Heh...

response 16 of 30:

Sep 29 18:11 UTC 2000

I told my parents to dress me in my favorite outfit, not a dressy thing.  This
is also because I want to be cremated.  Why ruin a good dress?  =)

Hmmm..I want my ashes scattered in the UP...maybe I should be wearing flannel
and jeans...

response 18 of 30:

Sep 29 19:35 UTC 2000

Re #9:
    That would also make it harder for them to rise up out of the grave and
go around biting people.

response 20 of 30:

Sep 29 22:58 UTC 2000

Well, I'm planning on being cremated, too. My motherinlaw had picked out a
outfit that we found in her closet, and we added her hat (the one she *always*
wore and a stuffed animal because those things seemed important. The funeral
director said we had to have shoes and socks too, even if no one saw them.

Actually, I'll probably want my favorite outfit and maybe one of my bronze
dragons, or something... but then, I'm going to be made into paper once I'm
ashes, so it doesn't matter that much.

response 22 of 30:

Oct 1 15:36 UTC 2000

Some people just enjoy owning a few nice things, not necessarily showing them
off to other people.

response 24 of 30:

Oct 2 00:47 UTC 2000

  Maybe she's just not as smug about her lifestyle..