[IMG: TCrBF banner, by SJ]

 

Intoxative summary

The Tallinn Crap Beer Festival has traditionally appeared near the thirsty queue for the Tallinn Craft Beer Weekend on Saturday afternoon.

 

Overview

[IMG: Prosenttimies logo] You might think that the whole idea of TCrBF is nonsense - and you may be right. It might be a refreshing oasis for the stomach or beer scene, or it might be just a mirage. Either way, you blink and then it's gone.

As with everything in life, there are two sides to every story, and that includes beer. TCrBF is that other side. TCrBF is those memories about beer that you've forgotten you even had. TCrBF is the wide-eyed view of the world that was accepting of all, without prejudice. TCrBF is you.



[IMG: PET cap]

...A Crap photo gallery

Some photos and media nonsense can be found thisaway ->


 

[IMG: PET cap]

Tallinn Crap Beer Festival 2017 updates

11 May

Media nonsense and stuff like that can now be found in the Gallery section.

That's it for now. See you next year, maybe!

[IMG: empty PET bottle graphic]

 


7 May

Thanks to all who helped to make the fifth annual TCrBF the best - or most crap - ever. This includes the people who provided beers, everyone who drank them, and all the people who together laid on the fantastic after-party in the building behind us.

Quotes from people attending the festival, describing either the festival or one of the beers:

"Well, that was interesting."
"Euuurgg."
"proper us malt lika, my life is complete!"
"Dear god, what the hell is this?"

More reviws etc. to come..., and looking forward to next year!

 


[IMG: watermeloniness from can label]

1 May

[IMG: percentage from the label]

This just in:

A special bonus drink is on its way.
The important details found on the can are '12% ALC/VOL' and 'WATERMELON'.

You're gonna love it.

 


25 April

The latest brewery we can announce is Kilwaukee-based Killer Brewing Company, with two TCrBF entries.

[IMG: malt liquordom from can label] The first is Olde English 800.
Lest you be put off by its relatively low alcohol content (5.9%), the brewers assure us that this is a true malt liquor. As for the other positive qualities of the drink, they state: 'Olde English 800 enjoys a diverse consumer base that is linked together by an urban mind-set.'

Some tasting notes for our non-English-speaking guests:

  • IS:
    Ég verð í veikindaleyfi fram á sumar og mun ekki skoða póst.
    Vinsamlegast hafið samband við hjá alþjóða skrifstofu ef bregðast þarf við erindinu.
  • CY:
    Nid wyf yn y swyddfa ar hyn o bryd. Anfonwch unrhyw waith i'w gyfieithu.
  • KL:
    naDevvo' peghoS!
  • ▯▯:
    ? ??? ?

[IMG: high-gravity note from can label] Its heftier companion this year is Steel Reserve 211 High Gravity,
which weighs in at 8.1%. Among its other positive attributes are the logo and that '[w]e [...] brew for over twice as long as many quality beers' (emphasis added).

Notes for visitors who speak other languages:

  • IS:
    Svifnðkkvinn minn er fullur af álum!
    Skál!
  • CY:
    Mae fy hofrenfad yn llawn llyswennod.
    Iechyd da!
  • KL:
    lupDujHomwIj lubuy'moH gharghmey.
    'IwlIj jachjaj!
  • ▯▯:
    ?Some characters may not be shown properly with your display settings.Ä
    ?

 


[IMG: Put America Thirst!] 18 April

We are pleased to announce another high-quality beverage that is apparently headed to TCrBF - a full 10.5% of quality. The beer is Camo Black Ice, which is in a style that has been largely overlooked by the craft beer world: 'High Gravity Lager' as the brewers put it. Could this start a trend? We may soon see.

In the meantime, a reminder as festival day nears:

- Put crap beers first!

- Let's make crap great again.

- Lagerboarding works.

- We're going to build a LOL.

 


15 April

Two more beers seem to have found their way into the TCrBF gutter. These lovelies apparently have crawled all the way from the US of A. We asked some of the world's best-known kräft drink experts to provide reviews of them, to help you prepare. Here is what they said:

Natural Scheiss (from Anheuser-Booze, USA)

  • EN:
    Made with only the finest adjuncts and caustic chemicals, this 'drink' is spiced with hangoverberries and a touch of centre-pivot irrigation system. It had propelled itself to number-two position on (one of) Ratebeer's charts at last report.
  • ET:
    Selle joogi tegemiseks on kasutatud ainult kõige paremaid koostisosasid kõige halvemate seast. Iga keemiline komponent on hoolikalt välja valitud ja käsitsi korjatud kõige vilunumate I don't give a fcuk suhtumisega keemikute poolt. Kokku segatult moodustavad nad ühtse terviku mille kordumatud maitsenüansid toovad pisara silma ka kõige karmimatel.
  • RU:
    Это хорошо
  • FI:
    On alkoholi!
  • SV:
    Ye poot dis can ooptoo de mooth un den go glugglug. Get em drunky. Bork bork bork!
  • LT:
    Šviesusis alus (lager tipo) verdamas su kukurūzų ir dažų mišinio, kuris suteikia šiek tiek saldumo. Kartais apibūdinama kaip trapumą alaus ir vandeningas.


Bud Light Slime Cherry-Ugh-Rita (from Anheuser-Booze, USA)

  • EN:
    This beer sleeps furiously in the can until allowed to escape. With hints of gently simmered nightmares in the aroma and a slightly diagonal mouth feel, it is ideal for summer afternoons in the seventh circle of Hell.
  • ET:
    Selle joogi peen maitsebukett on nagu magav draakon. Või Okasroosike. Kuid vilunud keelel rulluvad nad lahti, kiht kihi haaval, nagu sibul või kapsas. Tule ja veendu ise!
  • RU:
    Хорошо - крапко
  • FI:
    Sisáltáá alkoholia.
  • SV:
    Zees is a guod crep beer. Zees oune-a gues vell vit pickled leefer iff druonk in suoffeeceent quountities. Bork bårk børk!
  • LT:
    Ribotos leidimas rudens / žiemos sezoninis alus, kuris jungia saldus, sultingas skonis tamsių vyšnių su šviežia margarita naujumo. Drąsus Margarita skonių, kurie idealiai tinkaš ventėms.

 


1 April

Preparations now appear to be well under way for the 5th annual Tallinn Crap Beer Festival...

TCrBF 2017: Can't Trump This

We have heard that the focus this time is on American crap beers.

As our orange friend might say: 'We have the crappest beers. So crap!'

In the coming weeks, we will be bringing you further rumours about this year's TCrBF:

fake news about real booze.

 


30 March

It appears that the first beer for the Tallinn Crap Beer Festival has arrived! The photo below shows the most important details.

Other information: This beauty is from Belarus and has 'STRONG' on the label.

[IMG: brown-bagging it]

Looks tasty, doesn't it?

 


 


Any opinions expressed on this page are opinions. And any resemblance to real facts or events is purely coincidental.