When I was about 15, and that figure is not an exact one, I discovered 2 things; women and lingerie in exactly that order. Before then I was blissfully unaware that women actually wore such frilly things under thier clothes. One spring day in downtown Detroit changed all that when a young woman who was about 20 crossed the street. Suddenly a gust of wind blew her skirt up over her head revealing white silk panties, a garterbelt, and stockings which I assumed also were made of silk, not to mention a slip made of silk and trimmed in lace. I was in love, or at least infatuated with the concept. I wanted to find out exactly what lingerie was and how it felt.
The years between 15 and 20 were painful, but either I was too stupid or too busy to get a clue to how much pain I actually was in. I got various pieces of my mother's lingerie from the wash and I squirreled it away for those times when I wanted to masturbate. But there was something more to the whole thing. When I finished my orgasm, I wanted to still go on wearing the pretty lingerie which was a vast improvement over what I had been wearing. I'll spare you what exactly that was but I'm sure you get the idea that it was awful.
When I moved out of the house, things got better but not much. I still had my collection of lingerie, but I didn't know what I was or how to deal with the feelings I had. I went deeper and deeper into my shell, hoping that no one would find out about what I was doing or wearing. I had a even bigger collection of lingerie, but still no courage to wear it where it could be seen. I was afraid of pantylines, bra outlines and other stupid thimgs. I wasn't ready for lingerie.
On April 1 1982, I made a decision for the ages. I picked up all my boy underwear and tossed into the trash. Never again would I wear jockey shorts again. From this moment on panties were the rule. The only bad part about it was that I was still mortally afraid that someone would find my panties, or would think less of me because I wore them. Bras were another matter. I only owned one or two and they were butt ugly, and I would only wear them to bed for you know what. But still, I adored bras for some reason I wouldn't know for a while yet.
I found a girlfriend and that had me hoping that I could put all this lingerie nonsense behind me, and for a while I really didn't think about my feelings. I only knew that I was really in love with her, or maybe I was kidding myself into believeing that I loved her. She thought I was more like her big sister. I wasn't dressing, but she loved to go shopping for lingerie hoping that I would throw a rod and find it to be disgusting. The only thing she didn't count on was having me for a boyfriend. I liked shopping and it turned out that I had better taste in lingerie than she did. I don't think she liked that at all. I think the final nail went into the coffin when I was dispatched for a large box of kotex, I retreived it with no problem. I had been buying it for years at the behest of my father. Mom sent him to the store and it was one of the things he really hated doing. I just couldn't understand how a great big man could be intimidated by a little box of kotex. In the end, I was unceremoniously dumped. I was depressed for a while, but in the end I decided that it was for the best. Some things just take a little longer to show themselves than others do.
I began to ask myself if I was really interested in women. I was, but not like I actually wanted to have sex with a woman. That thought was disgusting. But I still appreciate a tight pair of buns, a nice set of breasts and seeing a little panty now and then.
The last few years have been interesting to say the least. I came to the conclusion that 1) I am not a crossdresser but I am transgendered. I really want to be and believe I am a woman down deep somewhere. I gave that personality a name, and (ta da) her name is Nancy Elizabeth, or just Beth for short. And for number 2, well, I'm gay right through and through. If I had to have sex with a woman, I probably could, but chances are I wouldn't enjoy it much, and that's all I'm going to say about that.
I'm not an attractive person, and it's taken a few years to realize that, but I am what I am and there is nothing on this planet that will change my DNA or gene structure. I'm over being embarrassed and I'm over worrying about what other people think. I figure that you're either going to like me as I am or not at all. It's just that simple. I wear a bra and a pair of panties everyday, and I am not ashamed to say that. I rather enjoy wearing bras to tell you the truth, and these days, I'm way smarter about buying and wearing them. In fact, I could probably write a book on how to buy a bra. I look at it this way, no one should give you bad looks when you buy lingerie for yourself. Your business counts, and your money is just as green as anyone elses is. Either they want your business or you can let it stay on the shelf, and I don't know one merchant who is willing to let his stuff sit around.
I've recently graduated to wearing women's pants, and shorts. I think they are cool to tell you the truth, and I got a really cool deal on 2 pair of pants at the thrift store. 2 for $5. They were 2 for $7. I pointed out to the saleslady that she could accept my offer or I would let them sit there for the next person to buy, and judging from all the foot traffic (none) she had, she really had little choice but to accept my offer. Sometimes you have to be a little pushy to get the job done.
I also buy my bras at the thrift store, I mean if they already have your size you can really get a bargain if you know what you're looking for. I'm going to write a small page on bras and how to find that special one you've always wanted. Also I'll include some suggestions about how to fill out your special bra.
Ok. That's about it for me. I like myself and I like being who I am. I'd like to hear what you think about all this. Just click on the links below to send me some fe-mail.