Grex Recovery Conference

Item 5: What is real recovery?

What does it mean to recover from an addiction? What is "real recovery"?

   it seems to me that you've reached "real recovery" when you reach the point
of not spending most of your day thinking about staying away from your
substance of choice, and when you've managed to remedy most if not all of your
addictive behaviors. that's not to say that they never crop up again (mine
do when i'm in times of extreme crisis), but more that avoiding both the
substance(s) and behaviors are no longer a constant, 24/7, conscious struggle.

Such is the end product, of course.  But how do you begin upon the 
path to recovery?

The answer is simple in concept, but so difficult for those of us who 
are addicted to follow.

It is the desire to be healed-- to be free in the sense that void 
mentioned-- free from your substance of choice and the correlating 
addictive behaviors.  You want it so bad, you can taste it.  You are 
willing to do whatever it takes to be completely free.  You are 
willing to put joy and happiness in your life in pursuits and 
activities that do not enslave you, i.e., you are not trading one 
addiction for another.

That is another key behavior.  You can't simply remove what is 
plaguing you, because the emptiness will seek to be filled.  The 
hunger must be filled with something that can truly satisfy you.  The 
all-consuming hunger, which some folks call "The Beast," cannot be 
allowed to remain in control.

A counselor recently told me something I really already knew, but he 
said it so eloquently I think it's worth sharing.  We discussed that I 
need to have guidance and direction in my life again-- a purpose, a 
focus.  Without that, energy continues to build up inside me, and has 
nowhere to go except for areas of weakness and vulnerability.

A baby will take care of that problem quickly!

But, you do have to realize that is a temporary solution.  It isn't healthy
for you or your kid (or spouse) to have your "direction" in life oriented
toward them.  

Not really.  I have met so many ill people that have had babies, so 
having a baby may be a motivator, but still..

Basically, I agree.  I must heal *myself*.  I have to do it for myself 
first.  Dragging others into it basically entails co-dependency and 
other unhealthy relationships.  I'm glad my wife helps me, but I know 
my problems are mine, and hers are hers.  And my new baby should have 
healthy parents who have love and support to give, not an environment 
corrupted by addiction.

Tired.. sorry, I may not be coherent.

Well, Jon, you described addiction as a beast.  This is something that
the Rational Recovery folk use (the jury is still out on Rational
Recovery as an effective method) to help themselves control their
urges.  It's something I use when I'm teetering on the brink, too. 
Picture your addiction as a monster which lives in your head.  Picture
yourself imprisoning it by whatever means are most effective to you. 
Now, learn to recognize your addictive voice -- the one telling you that
you can handle getting drunk/stoned one more time, that it's all right,
that no one will know, that you can handle it -- as the voice of that
beast, and start telling it to shut up.

Just as a reminder, I didn't go through any programs when I sobered up. 
I did it myself, and found out years later that I had been using a mix
of the twelve steps and Rational Recovery methods.  YMMV.

Right.  I became familiar with the basic tenets of Rational Recovery 
at their website.  It's simple and to the point, but I didn't find it 
to be the magic bullet.  It would make sense that they've got another 
good piece of the puzzle, but that it may not be enough alone.

Well, yeah.  The stuff about locking up the beast and recognizing the
addictive voice is useful, though, when used with some of the steps.

That seemed to be my observation.

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