Crisp morning. I step out the door And into glassy art. It seems that nature has been busy Lining everything With tiny feathers of frost. Trees are delicate sculptures of glass. The mailbox wears a lacy collar today. Metal fences appear made of fabric. Except where the weave has been marred by careless fingers. Even the grey-white sky seems like glass today. The shards shatter under my feet As I blunder to my car. ************* This is another off the cuff one. Comments?4 responses total.
The first three lines kick ass. "Out the door and into glassy art" really struck me; I'm not entirely sure what it was about it. You might want to consider losing all the "seems like"s. Especially since this is a pretty common metaphor, you don't need to tell us that the metal fences aren't _really_ made of fabric.
ditto; window dressing. some choice lines here, I like it.
only one "seems like." I'll have to print this out so she knows she's improving. She's not a student anymore, so access isn't guaranteed.
(bows) Okay. Excise the "seems like" I'll rewrite it here soon so you can see what it looks like written right.
You have several choices: