my favorite bird a feather speckled, spotted almost curb cut nearly blue against warm brown my voice in technical distraction paused in recognition reaching down optics not having touched glancing I see beside nearby glass tower her slightly curved bill broken, still sharp markings I make no mistake, though maybe was there something wrong with my favorite, with my favorite6 responses total.
Was this really written entirely as an exquisite corpse? It seems incredibly coherent: the images and phrases are all over the place, but it sounded like it was written with a particular feeling in mind, and like it hit that feeling right on the nose. Of course, that scattered-ness also makes it hard to comment on. I have no idea what makes it work, so I don't really have anything to suggest. But good work, and welcome to poetry! -- am I right in thinking you're new to the conference?
YEAH! I exuberantly like this one.
Welcome. Perhaps you've hit some deep sense of artistry we cannot fully comprehend. I do tend to agree with Dan, but I'm not sure the poem ends neatly for me. I'm wondering if there could be more description before the last two lines. But then, since I'm having trouble interpreting this as well, I can't be certain that's a problem.
If nearness black city disgorging, heat cod-liver oil antennaee!
You really think so? <shakes head>.
I like this. The meaning isn't immediatly clear to me, but I'm not focusing on that- Every line feels finely honed, almost surgical. Everything was removed that wasn't nessecary. Good work.
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