vauge half remembered dreams flowing visions of deep red lust all that I remember as I awake trembling and terrified shaken by images far too elusive to grasp6 responses total.
Ooh...
Wow. That's really good, joe. I think it's the shortest poem you've ever writen, too. (; I think it takes more skill to say much with a few well chosen words than to write a whole lot to say basically the same thing -- similerly, it takes more skill to sing softly and retain the intensity and focus of the tone than it takes to sing at normal to full volume.
Yeah, what she said.
I love "shaken by images far too elusive to grasp" -- they can touch you, but you can't touch them. "Deep red lust" doesn't do anything for me; a different adjective, maybe? Anyway, I more or less agree with arianna and jshafer.
I also agree with Erinn and John. This is effective, and I think you should try for brevity a bit more often. On the other hand, I'm often reading these poems burnt out, tired, stressed, or all of the above. I agree with Dan that perhaps "Deep red lust" isn't the best wordsmithing in and of itself, but I instantly saw blood blooming into a pool of water, or redness blushing and rushing to fill a space. Maybe I'm more intensely visual than Dan-- I think this was a superb use of imagery.
i thin tis is ore of a picre I wish I could draw than a poem....maybe I"ll try and have jessi do it...
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