Here is something for you all to read, since someone recently asked me if I would ever post another poem. Actually I post most things on my website now: http://www.angelfire.com/va/gerund in the calm reflections section. shameless plug, what can i say? ;-) anyhow... here's something for the person who wanted me to post: silent hour alone dreaming for relief from myself i ache for it to engulf my naked fear, collapse my soul like cardboard the end of everything the struggle put down laid to rest in a comfort sleep, no tears a victorious loss of the feeling ache of being i fall and give fall and give myself to you love, the motive of your angel hands holding me from the terror. gep 6-1-995 responses total.
wow. such simple beauty.
slick...very nice "of the feeling; ache of being" does wonderful things and I really like the repitition of "fall and give" good show
another wonderful example of eloquence.
Yes, the repetition of "fall and give" is very effective. I really like the slow, solemn rhythm of this. Every word seems to have meaning.
"Collapse my / soul like cardboard" is great...either the image of your soul being like cardboard, or of it collapsing like cardboard collapses, or both. Neat image.
You have several choices: