57 new of 62 responses total.
I am afraid of heights only if I don't have a solid base to stand on. (ie> rickedy ladders make me ill... but if I'm staring down 300 feet from a balcony or such, I feel no trepidation.) I used to be afraid of needles. I used to panic, fret, and even try to hide inside the doctor's office. Getting my blood drawn every other day helped kick that one. :-)
Re #1:
Christ, that describes half of GREX, being paralyzed in new social
situations. I'd wager it's a common phobia, though I'd never thought of it
as a phobia - traditionally the clinically diagnosed phobias I've heard of
were unreasoning, usually a strong response to a strong situation being echoed
in a weak-stimulus situation - whereas most of the social phobics I know just
worry too much about what other people are thinking or pay more attention
to the conversations in their head. Or they just don't have some of the
rules of interaction down. But then again you may be talking about something
of an entirely different order.
Re #0:
I really have a bad learned reaction to cheese. It's irrational. I
used to be lactose-intolerant, strongly, but I don't have learned reactions
to the other thing I'm allergic to - dogs and cats - and I'll play with them
for hours before I realise I've gotten myself a nasty reaction. But cheeses
often bring up very unpleasant images even IF I would enjoy the taste. The
exception is on pizza. I don't understand it. I'm flaky that way.
You're refering to simple phobias, that is, phobias of a specific stimulus. That's actually the sort that #0 is describing as well, but it's hardly the only sort of phobia that psychologists talk about. Also, simple phobias are rarely representative of the actual stimulus, but rather an associated stimulus... a sexually abusive uncle may have been the only cigarette smoker you knew as a child, and so cigarettes bring out an anxiety reaction, while the uncle himself doesn't; the last thing you saw before the mack truck killed your father right in front of you was a Dairy Queen, and so now you avoid Dairy Queens. And so forth... (these are extreme examples; simple phobias can be generated by much less, and there MAY be a direct connection, not a latent one... an acquaintance was terrified of cats because she was attacked by a wild one once). Social phobia is called that, but some consider it an anxiety disorder, not a phobia. It is *not* just an issue of having poor social skills, although most social phobics does have poor social skills. Sure, half of Grex might have trouble going out and being around people, but I don't think it provokes an intense anxiety reaction in most of them... they're uncomfortable out in public. It becomes a phobia or an anxiety disorder (by clinical definitions) when the act generates so much fear or anxiety that there are (a) intense physiological reactions, such as prolonged hyperventilation, mood control, nausea, sweating, etc. (if you've had an anxiety reaction, you know the difference between it and just discomfort) and/or (b) excessive attempts to avoid the stimulus, or feelings of paralysis when faced with its potential. Social phobia *is* a common problem... some estimate that as many as 20% of the population have some degree of it sometime during their lives. But it's not just about lacking social skills, something people should be easily able to "get over."
Well, I doubt I have the Real Genuine Social Phobia, but strange people are
one of the things that freak me out the most. Water also does in some
situations - cold water, or a fast current, or just huge stretches of it. But
neither of those affects me all that much, and I dout they're worthy of being
called "phobias" ("phobiae"?)
Children old enough to toddle suddenly become afraid of strangers, this is a useful reaction. It is also a good idea to be afraid of rickety ladders and other dangerous situations.
Geez, do we all think we have social phobia? Actually, I don't really think I'm afraid of interacting with people; rather people in general terrify me, especially in crowds. You know, going out to the mall, and getting in crowded elevators. Just really looking at a bunch of strangers is scary. Some people who know me think I am afraid of germs. Although I am very picky about where I eat & wash my hands many times a day... well, it's more a "compulsion" (if that) than a phobia. I do remember one. I used to be (at about 14 years old) very homophobic! I remember I had this friend who was gay (but a boy) but I was just totally freaked out about lesbians. One time after some remark he asked if I was bi or something, and I said "Oh, God NO!". Of course, it really freaked me out, because I was afraid I might be gay. (This reminds me, I even wrote a note to the school vice principle - i was always in trouble- that I thought she was a lesbian and it freaked "us students" -me- out. Funny how we forget the bad things we do, but she probably wasn't...)
What finally got you over the homophobia?
#11> Do you get sweaty palms, have trouble breathing, or go out of your way to avoid certain social settings? Are there places that you simply can't bring yourself to go, so much that the mere thought of it makes you want to cry, run away, or stop breathing? If so, you, too, may be a Social Phobic. Just call 1-800-IM-SCARED, and for four low monthly payments of ... oh sorry, too many late night infomercials.
re: #1-- well, I like conversing in small groups, but crowds make me positively uncomfortable, even with people I know pretty well. I find the chaos and shallow interaction rather unnerving, but I guess I'm a deep person. Really, what Paul describes fits me quite well-- I also fear rejection. However, if I have something else to distract me, I can forget about crowds. I used to be shy, although being manic-depressive hid it and I was rather forced to learn to make do. Calling people on the telephone terrified me for the longest time until I was about 18. Then I could talk to just about anyone. I still fear heights somewhat. Escalators, rides in small airplanes, balconies, etc. scared me a lot, but that too I began to deal with better when I became an adult. *but* if you even joke about pushing me off a tall building when I'm looking over its edge, I'll be very cross with you for quite a while.
<lise pats lumen on the back> Don't fall! ;) re #12: I don't know to be honest, I gradually (at about 15) started acknowledging my own MOTSS feelings & started getting used to the idea. I remember in particular being attracted to Sophie B Hawkins in the "damn i wish i was your lover" video. That's the first time I explicitly acknowledged to myself that I had such feelings. My former homophobia seemed pretty silly by then. I realized I was mostly afraid of myself. (Still am, sometimes..)
I was like that too, and it wasn't until I started realizing that I'd like to kiss all of these "beautiful women" I knew or saw on TV that I finally accepted who I was. =)
being attracted to sophie hawkins isn't enough in and of itself to determine sexuality. she's one of those people that seems to be attractive to a very diverse range of people, include very gay men and very straight women. =} speaking of which, she's scheduled to have a new album out jan 7. yay! lumen> I'm VERY afraid of myself. I'm not afraid of heights, but I'm afraid of hills... what I'm afraid of is getting about halfway up and then getting stuck; perhaps my car stalls out, or maybe it just doesn't have the power. Many a nightmare based on that one.
I'm absoulutely horrified of large, uncontrolled crowds, particularly if I'm by myself. Being stuck in a milling horde terrifies me to the point that I can hardly move... I can usually buck it up, grit my teeth and ignore it, usually if someone I know and trust is nearby, or if there is some great reason for me to endure it.
Re 17, I have had nightmares of being in a car that I could not stop, but not one that insisted on stopping. How can it put you in any danger to be in a stopped car? You can always get out of the car and continue on your way.
re 17: Indeed such an attraction alone is not, that is just a certain point in time or event that triggered that realization. Like "Aha! That's what I want!" Sexual attraction, esp. to women, had always been vague to me before that. After that, past attractions made more sense. But it brings up an interesting question - do we remember things very differently than they happened because we interpret them in the frame of current knowledge & identity? Probably, but it's weird to think I might be misunderstanding myself (especially when my memories seem so genuine). In other words, I'd interpret those attractions differently if I now thought of myself as 100% straight & maybe wouldn't even have those memories, or would have different ones of liking boys when I was young. Ok, ok, back to the topic. I have a recurring nightmare that I am taking a bunch of classes and forget all about one 'til the end of the quarter. It sounds ridiculous or anal retentive, but I've had the dream so many times now! & it's awful! (is that seriously weird?)
Nope...I've had the same one. =) Mine also involves forgetting to show up for an exam at the end of the semester.
I've had that dream, too. I hear it's pretty common. For me it usually signifies that there's something I'm neglecting to deal with. ;)
My related dream is signing up for too many courses and forgetting to drop them by the deadline and having to do all the work for them before finals. Jim dreams about not understanding his schedule or losing it and not knowing what class to go to next, he just wanders the halls. He never had problems with exams, he could handle stress, but he always worried about showing up at the right place at the right time. Or bringing the books for different class, carrying a ton of books but none for that class. He has also had the dream in which he knows he has not been to a class for a month, that dream happens so often it has become a part of his memory, of reality, he thinks he really did that but cannot name a class that he skipped for a month.
I used to have really terrifying dreams about being alone.
(random side note, but #23 sounds like my real life-- both ends of the scale.. but particularly the too many courses.... *sigh* <jessi concludes her pity party>
Keesan, that's usually the exact form of my dream! All of a sudden it's the end of the quarter and there's a class I should have been going to all this time. Glad my post got such response; I thought my anxiety was abnormal! re 24: that sounds terrible. But they're over now, right?
Re resp:26 and related - I also have had recurring dreams about forgetting a class I signed up for, and not being prepared for the final exam. In recent years, sometimes the dream takes the form of not being prepared for a class I'm about to *teach*. The lecture is supposed to begin in half an hour, and I don't even know anything about the subject matter. Scary! (I'm a teacher by profession.)
Does anyone dream about being lost in the woods or the city? re 27, sometimes I wondered whether a few of my teachers knew anything about the subject matter or had prepared the lecture. I recall one particular class in which the two instructors would get up there and argue fine points with each other. This was supposed to be an introductory anthro course, and it is the only class in which I skipped most of the lectures (so did the other students). The 'lectures' had no relation to readings or exams.
Yeah, pretty much.
good, Julie. :)
My dreams seemed to be in leaky, unkempt bathrooms. I would get lost in these maze-like bathrooms, and be chased by this redheaded girl... (It *sounds* hilarious, but in the dreams it's terrifying) Dunno... :-)
Being chased in a dream is *always* terrifying.
no, it sounds creepy, Vanessa..
I can actually picture the sort of dream in which a bathroom could be terrifying. It wouldn't take that much embellishment...
Jim thinks he has had dreams of locker rooms, and bathrooms connecting with
them and storage rooms, and getting lost in a maze. But he woke up in the
middle of the dream and had to go to the bathroom. Does anyone else find that
bathroom dreams are stimulated by an urge to go?
When he was a kid he used to have a recurring dream, before he could
drive a car, of being too short to reach the brake pedal. (In my dreams I
could not figure out which pedal was the brake pedal). He had to keep
steering and avoiding things because the car would not stop. He never
crashed. He also had a falling dream, but that dream never occurred again
after he fell out of the bunk bed and hit his head on the dresser. He escaped
from the dream. He was really young when he slept in the top bunk, 6 or
younger. He used to have to wake up in order to stop the falling dream. It
seemed like he had the dream at least once a week.
If I have to go to the bathroom in a dream, I always wake up with the urge to go. I've had lots of dreams about driving, but I'm usually the passenger. This is odd since I'm *rarely* the passenger IRL. I ride in someone's car about once a month. As for falling, I've never had that dream. I have many dreams where I'm flying, but I land safely. I wish I could have wings IRL, though...it would be cool. =)
hey, sarah, you made me sing another song! <kari is singing "i am the passenger and i ride and i ride"> re 36: that's funny sarah, because I often have dreams that I am flying and can't land! They are *very* realistic. I try everything possible to land, but keep going higher. (fear of death maybe?)
I used to have the "car" dream Jim describes -- behind the wheel of the car and can't reach the break and so have to keep driving to avoid hitting things. I had that dream well into my thirties, usually when my life was "out of control" in some way.
I never drive, and I have still had that dream (got a license once purely for
identification purposes). Cars are scary things.
In my flying dreams I just have to think about it and I can fly higher,
no need to flap wings or kick flippers. How do other people fly?
Actually my response (and now Misti's) put "Behind the Wheel" in my head. =)
it's probably not an actual phobia, but i detest crowds. it's something which seems to wax and wane; sometimes i'll go out no matter what and enjoy myself thoroughly, and sometimes it almost takes an act of congress to get me to leave my apartment for any reason other than to go to work, or some other absolutely necessary task. i don't have any sort of panic reaction when i'm in a crowd, i simply suffer from growing impatience or anger at people who can't seem to move along as if they actually have something to do, to the point where i frequently have to restrain myself from physically shoving them aside.
keesan - I had that car dream once, only I was too short to see over the dashboard, much less reach the pedals. I never would've guessed it was a common one, though.
sounds like a phobia to me, void. I don't know for sure, though. What do the rest of you think? Paul?
If I say excuse me more than twice, I push them out of my way (gently) with my backpack as an excuse. Trisha (beeswing) has a great name for the herds of people at the mall -- "cow people". =)
But then, when you're there, you're one of them. Maybe that's my real fear. It's not so much that they (crowds) just scare me, but that I realize my insignificance or potential similarities - which is frightening! and I really hate being in a small place with people. breathing the same air as a bunch of strangers gives me the creeps! irrational, i know... Oh, when I dream about flying it just happens. I'll be walking along and the wind will pick me up - no wings or cliff jumping, at first i like it (pleasant surprise) but when I can't land it becomes scary.
Re#41: Know the feeling! I've mastered (nearly) the art of "mad dash" where I can slip between the crowds and hustle like I wanna. I don't like it, but hey, it beats slogging behind someone with an "adorable" poodle and all the gawkers who *must* stand around and coo like it was a baby. <blech> I'm not much for malls, frankly. I tend to be very disapointed every time I go. (and not just of the clientel!) I often feel as if someone is going to shout "stop thief!" only because I'm not meandering around aimlessly as if windowshopping was my only life...but actually moving quickly to my destination! Though, I'm one of those people who *must* socialize once in a while, because I tend to stay home, feel sorry for myself, and get extremely depressed. (esp. in the winter...trapped in the house makes me very unhappy) I'd freely admit me having a fear of being alone...I don't like going places unless someone is with me. It's something I'd like to change. Re Dreaming: I used to have falling dreams, set as me ca. around 4 years old, crawling up a gravely hill, up to my mom, but I keep falling back, untill I can't see her anymore and I disapear in darkness and cold. Others where just the sensation of falling, as if falling into an endless space...I'd feel a jolt of impact,and an inability to breate, then I'd wake up terrified. I had the flying dream too...very pleasnt flying between the clouds...never had wings either. Wish I'd had the last one more often!
I stay away from malls at all costs. I am not a cow person while there since I walk very quickly and don't crowd the center of the aisles. I'm a speed demon.
/rotfl at the term "cow people." i'm not sure my dislike of crowds is an actual phobia. i think it has more to do with my general dislike of shopping. unlike many (most?) cowfolk, when i go to a store it's because i have already decided what i want and where i'm going to buy it. anything or anyone which hinders my mission to get what i'm after and depart needs to be gotten out of the way as quickly as possible, because i *don't* have all day to peruse the wonder that is briarwood (or meijer, or k-mart, or funcoland, or whatever). i even do most of my grocery shopping at bizarre hours so i can get in and out with a minimum of bother.
I power shop (power walking combined with knowing exactly what you're buying and where it is located). =) It drives my friends nuts.
ditto sarah
"Cow people" really says it. They're much worse when you give them something with wheels. A grocery cart to block the aisle with. Or, worst of all, a car. It's really miserable when a 5-minute errand takes 10-15 minutes because you're stuck behind some bovine who knows that lights turn a pretty red color if he waits long enough, or likes kids so much he follows the school bus in the left lane, carefully staying just behind it so he can watch the kids get on at each stop, or .......
I find that all cars get in the way of going anywhere. Recently one of them drove right in front of me as I was trying to cross the street, despite the illegality of turning right on that particular red light. I have not the least sympathy with car people of any sort.
You mean all of us who own or drive one? That`s rather harsh.
I meant that I have no sympathy with cars that cannot get where they are going as fast as they would like, because they interfere with the rest of us going where we want to go. By car people I mean people who see through pedestrians and pretend they are not there.
I'm 'car-using' person by weekend and ped/biker by week..... what a twisted double life ;) 'course lately the train is getting a lot more use than my bike ;)
I don't ignore pedestrians because if I were to hit one, it would put a ding in my car, and I like my shiny new car just as it is. (just kidding) But really, I understand nearly being run over. There's a three way intersection on teh way from where I live to the rest of campus, crossing htat intersection once on my way to a class, I almost got run down three times. (This was after almost getting run down anotehr time at another interesection) One of the vehicles that almost hit me was a commuter bus for the medical center (their parking is way out in teh middle of nowhere, so they run busses)... I thought they were in the business of saving lives. *grin*
I tend to err on the side of needing people around rather than
having difficulties with them, or with groups of people, too. I don't feel
that I'm really alive in a lot of cases unless I can share an experience, if
only in a small way, with someone, and it isn't necessarily a friend or an
acquantance - it can be as simple as a small comment on a movie I'd watched
with another moviegoer.
Thanks for clarifying social phobias, Brighn. I guess my bias lies
in that I used to have something close to a phobic reaction to many social
situations, but that was, in my case, a lack of social skills. Social
situations in our culture are incrediby complex beasts, and the most
intelligent and calm of us would be hard pressed to get by in a social
situations that they had no rituals or skills to handle, unless they were
supremely confident. And in order to be supremely confident, you have to do
well in social situations ... such was the trap that I was stuck in for a
period of time.
Well, we all fake it 'till we make it, eh? Just some of us are better
at hiding it than others. Smile, you can, as Bokono noted, make no mistakes.
Actually, I'm making remarkable progress on my social phobia. Buddhism helped a lot. The more I thought of it as an embarassing stigma, or a personal failure of mine, to have this phobia, the worse it got. Accepting it as just a challenge, as a shortcoming among a species that has shortcomings, and as something I could share without using it as a crutch or an excuse for my behavior, enables me towork with it.
Oh, the social rules in American culture do tend to be a bitch.
Heck, I imagine the social rules in any culture are a bitch - just a different sort of bitch...
Actually, I think it depends on the culture. In America we're very
big on informal social customs, the kind of thing where no one ever really
tells you what to do ... they just become very irritated when you do it wrong!
I agree-- for some reason, we place such an emphasis on individuality and informality, yet they're emphasized only on the surface. Protocol is still an integral part of our culture, but so much of it is assumed, I suppose because no wants to teach it. But then, our culture is complex. When the Titanic went down, we stopped trusting the rich as much as we used to-- and they were the last remnants of a nobility class. We kept so many ties in our culture to England, but their aristocracy hasn't really died yet. Many sociologists assert we have a class structure, but it's not so cut and dry as it was in the Old World. The old rules rarely apply, although fortunes can still be inherited, those held up as beautiful generally prosper materially, etc. In the community, it is more complex since the rules are partially hidden. I mean, I'm still figuring out some of it. Of course, with all the misconceptions, it gets harder. Stereotypes are one example, and strangely, sometimes they're enforced. I told you my sister was pressured to 'butch up' and lose the makeup. I've also read some gays are encouraged to 'act gay'. And in the midst of all this, there are the bis, who are often spurned because they're not gay or lesbian. But this is for another item-- and for the most part, this goes back to our overall discussion throughout this cf. (I just hope the tie-in was clear.)
You have several choices: