28 new of 69 responses total.
Staci is 12. Staci split her head open just below the hair line, dead center; school wanted us to take her to the Dr and have it stitched; STeve brought her to me at work and I tape stitched it (it was only about 3/4" long and superficial, just bleed like crazy as head wounds are apt to do). She has a scar you really have to look for to see. She's proud of it. She also fractured her arm in that little episode and the school said nothing about the arm. My sister gave Staci her old bike when she got a new one. The first time Staci took it out she didn't realize just how much of a slope our apartment building is on and it sort of got away from her. She came in with a chuck of flesh out of her knee. I finally got it cleaned out and bandaged it up, felt that it probably could use a couple of stitches since it was a bit deeper than I like to tape stitch. I called STeve to come home since it was also bleeding quite a bit. By the time he got home from Lansing it had pretty much stopped bleeding so we just bandaged it up and sent her to bed. As it started healing she kept saying that she had a hole in her knee and how cool that was. She was very disappointed that the hole completely filled in and the scar became faint. The cyst she had removed from her shoulder developed a nasty ketoid type scar that she thinks is really neat and often shows off by wearing spaghetti strap tank tops.
Sounds exactly like our Lauren. After entering the above #41, I asked my wife if she could think of any insecurities, adolescent or otherwise, that Lauren might have. We honestly can't think of a single one.
Same here. The only thing that seems to bother her is riding the AATA alone. She had to yesterday morning since she screwed up her alarm and didn't get up on time and I have an 8am class with a quiz first thing. She said it was fun so that is over. She does get very pissed at Damon when he calls her fat, but I think she would get just as pissed if he called her skinny. One of those big brother, little sister things. She is a bit pudgy, is aware of it, but does worry about it much beyond saying that she should ride her bike more.
Why is it that it's quite fashionable to hate your appearance, but utterly taboo to love it? The other day I was looking in the mirror and thinking, "Hmm, I like the way I look today," and then realized that to say so publicly would be considered very vain. Yet all the time you hear people say loudly and publicly, "I'm so fat," or other such self-denunciations. Seems like a weird double standard, in that you're allowed to completely obsess about your appearance only if you do so in a negative manner -- otherwise you must be indifferent.
"I'm happy I'm so rich!" vs. "I'm bummed that I'm broke" comes under the same double standard (IMO). What other attributes are considered bad vs. okay to vocalize this way?
Sara- yeah, I've noticed the same thing. Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong if someone is happy with their appearance. For the most part, I think I look pretty okay. Yeah, I'd like to lose some weight, but overall- I'm not bad looking. Yet to say that I may come off as sounding horribly vain. That could be part of it, people don't want to sound vain- and I guess you're only considered vain if you say positive things about yourself. For me, I think it's healthier for people to be honest about themselves- and think that while they're not 'God's gift' they're not hideous either... Does this make any sense?
Is this something to do with the evil eye. (You must not praise anyone or the evil eye will find them.) The trick is to tell someone else how nice they look and they will reciprocate.
I've been finding lately that when I compliment people they have to disagree. I don't think it really has anything to do with the 'evil eye' so much as we're not supposed to honeslty think well of our appearance. I've been given the occasional compliment that I didn't agree with- but I was raised to just say thank you. <grins> I actually kind of bothers me when I tell someone "Wow, you look great" or something and they say "no, I don't." <shrugs>
But for some people, it's difficult to accept compliments. It takes effort for me to just say "thank you" rather than disagreeing or getting defensive. Not sure why that is.
Hmm, do you feel like the compliment is inappropriate or wrong? I was just taught that it just makes the complimentor feel better if you just smile politely and say "Thank you." I've also noticed that I have an easier time with things like clothes, then things attached to me- for example "I really like that outfit" as opposed to "Your hair looks really good cut like that." Thie first is easier for me to feel good about and the second makes me fight the 'no, it doesn't, really' reply.
I get that with the "Ooh you've lost weight" compliment... most of the time I haven't lost weight. It's either the clothes or maybe I've lost inches, but not weight. Not sure how to respond because if I say "No, I haven't!" it's interpreted as: "Nooo! I'm a big fat cow!", when I'm just saying I have not actually lost weight. I usually respond with a "Dunno, I don't have a scale at home." Which is the truth.
I tell people working at the library or the bank that I like their clothing. They are generally ignored as part of the machinery. Every one has thanked me, as have random strangers on the street when I admired the color of their skirt. (I have not tried complimenting the opposite sex, maybe I should as an experiment, and report back.) Has anyone tried complimenting a man on his appearance? Are men allowed to say thank you?
People sometimes tell me they like a t-shirt I'm wearing, but that's not really the same sort of thing. I don't think anyone's ever complimented me out of the blue on "real" clothing I'm wearing. Of course, given the amount of effort I put into what I wear, that's hardly surprising....
What? T-shirts aren't real clothing? Um...**looks into closet** Hmm...
Meaning when I get a compliment on a t-shirt, it's because someone thinks the slogan is funny, not because they think I've got amazing fashion sense. "Real" probably was the wrong choice of words.
It's a compliment on your sense of humor as opposed to sense of fashion. If I actually thought about fashion before getting dressed every morning, I might as well crawl back into bed. In the few times that I need to care what I look like, I always get a second opinion.
Orinoco, if some friend said they liked the way your hair looked today, how would you respond?
I'd probably say "thanks" and change the subject. (Although it would feel a little weird taking credit for the state of my hair, since how it is when I wake up is how it is all day).
I'd ask them what they thought if I shaved it all off. ;) I've been known to do that sort of thing.
Beauty and looking great is, in my view, mostly determined by how someone feels about himself. Because when you do, you will radiate this into the outer world and people will mainly notice that. A low self esteem in that prospect is very deadly, but it can be oh so hard to come terms with how you look and what your appearance is like. I have known, and still do, people who are by no means the example of what the media define as gorgeous, but they still have that effect on me of mesmirizing and admiring them for the great beauty they have got. On the other hand can very beautiful/handsome people have no such effect on me whatsoever. Maybe that's why people who are very in love can be so beautiful. For instance, I am skinny beyond anything. When in the States there was this hotelroom in Las Vegas with a huge mirror in the bathroom. Very confronting when opening the shower curtain I can tell you. For the first time in years I could see myself from head to toe, and I thought to myself: 'God! You are skinny, Rick!' Yet, currently I feel very happy with the body and looks I have got. It's is lean and tight muscled even though it's not much. I simply love my hints towards a six pack at my abs. It doesn't bother me anymore not having broad shoulders, arms like tree trunks and wings at my back. Is this vain? I don't think so, it has taken me years to accept my body for what it is, and I think I'd hate it to change at all, right now.
Re 50: I'm the same way about compliments. I try to dismiss them as much as possible. I don't know quite why, and on some logical level I know it's silly. Last year in a writing workshop class I was taking, the class was commenting on things they liked about one of my essays, and I kept instinctively responding with comments like, "Well, thank you, but this is really very rough and I was just sort of making it up as I was going along and..." Finally one of my friends who was in the class took me aside and said, "You know, Sara, you don't need to argue when people say nice things about your writing. It's really okay to let them compliment you." But this doesn't naturally occur to me - I think somehow, instinctively, I do assume that the evil eye is going to get me or some such. With myself it's mostly *skills* that I feel defensive about being complimented about -- whether writing or photography or underwater basketweaving or whatever. Maybe I just have trouble thinking of myself as a creative person, or maybe it's just an awareness that even at things I can do sort of well there is still so much to learn. When I *give* compliments to others, though, it's the compliments on how they look that I notice being refuted the most. Somehow allowing oneself to think, "hmm, I look nice today," makes them feel guilty, as if that statement were the same as "I am the most beautiful person in the universe and everyone should worship me as a goddess." I've noticed this more with physical than with other attributes. Not sure why this is.
People generally thank me and look pleased when I admire their clothing. Possibly because I am clearly not trying to compete with their looks so they don't have to make me feel good about mine in comparison with theirs.
Re resp:62 - Excellent response!
Go clean your room, Rembo. ;-)
Er, um, thank you... :)
(Rembo?)
(Don't give it a second thought...)
After the last drops... I'm a man and I give compliments if the time is there. Timing and what the other expresses make me that I give easily compliments, and I live maybe with the fixed idea they are true and accepted. I live in the dream they like my compliments, for they depart smiling, and smiles show a lot, I think that. I invent, yes I've a well developed fantasy, in which I think I'm not a very bad man and even romantic and the absurd thing, I think I'm a nice husband. You can think a lot, can't you. Language is lovely.
You have several choices: