119 new of 158 responses total.
That's okay, on the Internet, and indeed on Grex, people are frequently guilty of not thoroughly reading things.
Well, there's a lot to read, in any item. It's a good habit to be in
to tail back before responding, but even then, individual responses can get
lost. That's one reason I don't debate in Agora anymore.
yeah, I guess. but not in forums where there are 100 or more postings. That I call "capital punishment".
Or self-torture.
ohhhhh, masochism:") i'm a fan:) anyway...glasses...and pigtails(notneccisarily on the same femme) and they've got to be sexy glasses, not like coke bottle shortbuss kind, but the cats eye, or rectangular match the face kind. mmm. and NOT blonde...i mean..blondes can be cuteish..but red hair, or black hair stright up nums
Allright, what's up with that fly punk rock sort of dual ponytail
thing?
I don't know, but I dig it.
It's really kinda cute on the right girly. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try, it doesn't look that cute on me. *grump*
I noticed that when I changed to dark-rimmed cat eye glasses (think Janeane Garofalo), my tips increased dramatically. Hmmm...
I just avoid glasses altogether. I just don't look all that great in them, due probably to my prescription. (Well, and they hurt my nose, too. :)
<thinks of reruns of the 1960's Batman's catwoman when he hears of cat eye glasses>
Julie Newmar?
I usually get a positive reaction when I wear my glasses (they're
designed as a sort of thin artsy remake of the cat's eye, oddly enough) but
I hate not having perhipheral vision, and I hate the distortion and the red
and blue ghost images even more.
Eartha Kitt also played Catwoman on the show, but I don't recall her wearing glasses.
Neither wore glasses. He's just saying that the phrase "cat-eye glasses" makes him think of Catwoman.
It's funny what glasses will do. Most guys I know don't have much use for women in glasses. I personally am a sucker for a guy in wirerims. Couldn't tell you why.
dude, women in glasses are hot if they're like, small and dainty
It really depends on how they're worn, how often, and how they
complement the person's face.
Thin frames, smaller glasses, and silver rather than gold seem to be
the rule (though skin tone might change those).
#54> If the glasses are small and dainty, or if the women are? ;} I dunno. I thought Tina Fey looked kinda dorky with her glasses, but without her glasses, I want her, now, on the SNL News Desk.
dude, the glasses give here that naughty librarian look nums
That's another weird thing. Ever known a twentysomething female
librarian? They're fierce party beasts. I don't understand it. Is there
something to library science that I'm missing? Is it overcompensation?
I don't get invited to a lot of parties.
i don't know of alot of parties, but i do kno wof the 20 something librarian thing maybe they actually just sit around and read all the banned books;)
Having been a librarian, it's mostly that girls who work there tend to be fun and open-minded...plus, literate. :)
All the female librarians at the place I worked were gay or married. *begins to think it really *IS* him*
We could have told you that Brighn! :)
I knew there was a reason I wanted to be a librarian! <grins> The great parties... I really wish someone had told me this earlier.
#63> *confused by the smiling* I'm suggesting that I'm physcially unattractive
to females, and (in this context) that I'm ot invited to parties because I'm
just no fun to be around. I'm being serious here. I don't see where the
smiling comes in. ={
Because I'm teasing you, that's all. *HUG*
I know. I was having a Pisces moment. Sowwy.
I knew there was something fishy around. I assumed it was just one
of the old items going stale, for politeness's sake.
It's never librarians that I've met through libraries, only librarians
that I've met in coffeeshops and bars and the like. I'm serious. They're
crazy. Take Kara. She was the sort to drag me to bars in Flint that I'd
never seen before, she hung out with the OTO in Pittsburgh, and she'd
occasionally point at a place and go, "hey! that's where I lost my tooth
mudwrestling". She'd just take off and go to Yellowstone for three months.
Great girl, but utterly insane. I loved that.
Wow. Brighn, I didn't know you were a Piscean. So am I. I don't think it's your looks, boyo. Some girls are just looking for other things, that's all.
Yeah. Like 9-inch dicks.
One's assume they're *feeling* for those before *looking*.
Depends. I was thinking of skyclad pagan events (actually, I was thinking of one woman in particular who hangs out with the skankiest guys in the world because they're hung like horses).
bah. then she's stupid and should get out of the gene pool
Ah, okay.
The overall sketchiness factor of the local pagan communities has
really driven me away from those kinds of events. Especially when I'm
involved with someone in the event.
Oops, #73 slipped in.
It's no problem. It'll help supply the next generation with stupid,
skanky, well-hung men. Would you deny the next generation its' Ron Jeremy?
I would.
Oh, c'mon, there's quite a bit of value in the ol' Hairy Hedgehog.
Humor, for instance. And self-esteem. Where else but in the wonderful world
of porn can the image-obsessed feel good about themselves and rationalise,
"wow if a guy that nasty can be blown by women that beautiful, then there's
hope for me?" Okay, well maybe men really don't need that much more
self-confidence, from what I've seen in bars. But at least he's funny.
i prefer m ore hugh hefners and less of the hedgehog
Don't forget, you are talking about a guy that female porn stars will try to avoid so much, that they write into their contract that they won't perform with him. The othre thing, though, is just look at male porn stars in general....they're all pretty much nasty. (at least, most of them in the movies I've seen)
So are most of the female ones, at least, to me.
Overall, I don't think pornography is an unrealistically high standard
to hold sex to, just ... unrealistic ...
#77> Maybe it's my Pisces blood, but when I see the Hedgehog getting laid and I'm not, I don't think, "Wow, there's hope for me," I think, "Boy, I must be REALLY ugly, because I could never get laid by any of those women."
resp:70 9-inch dicks aren't very comfortable. Most women are looking for someone who appreciates them. Problem is all the Good ones always seem to be taken.
hah and all the good women wouldn't know w diamond in the rough if it cut the sole of thier foot. or just go for the first guy to pat attention to them. aka you get the great asshole fest. and i'ad have to say it depends on the pornography, i've definatly recently seen some seriously unrealistic expectations but then, i dont exactly surf vanilla either.
Not even true!!!! I would have to say that none of the guys that I've dated were exactly the kind to have women draping on them. (Well, one of them was. But I've still not managed to figure that out since he has all the charm of the Hedgehog)
Well, I have to admit that as a bi, when I'm showering at the gym I do look at other guys. Unfortunately, I find that those I'm most attracted to are the most well hung. Granted I don't think I look long enough for the other guys to figure out what I'm doing. *sigh* In any case, I won't expect people to trudge through responses posted ages before hand to figure out why I do things or find clarifications on my fetishes.
I honestly never really payed much attention to the size of a guy's package when I see them naked (like movies or whatnot), if for no other reason that I really don't have any interest in looking.
I just feel ashamed of falling victim to attraction through sight alone, especially considering how much I say that appearance doesn't matter.
and besides, unless the shower is really "invigorating" you don't know how big it is deployed
I think the whole problem with what Greg terms the "great asshole
fest", is that what men look for out of a potential partner is fairly well
known and most men are honest to themselves when asked (though they downplay
parts), whereas what most women look for out of a potential partner isn't,
and isn't very often honestly discussed within earshot of men.
If you read his column, Dan Savage has the right idea in one of his
recent responses (I think it's still up on http://www.onionavclub.com, if
anyone's interested). I've seen a number of men trying to mold themselves
in the shape of what women have told them are the qualities they "wish their
boyfriends had", or qualities that "it'd be great if guys ...", while
ignoring the unspoken qualities that attracted these women to the men they're
with in the first place.
Of course, Dan's got an advice column and says it better than I do.
Now the qualities that many women look for (and women are as diverse
in this as men are) often include a degree of unavailability, the ability to
control one's emotions, and a certain masterfulness or being in control of
their situation. These qualities more often belong to an asshole than they
do to a gentleman. However, women are certainly not alone in selecting for
qualities that may signal trouble down the road, or even revelling in the
fact that they've got a good catch who has just a few issues.
I know I'm going to get an argument on this, but it's a perception
based on a great deal of paying attention to what people *do* rather than
what they *say*.
Well, I knew what I was looking for. I wanted someone who made me laugh. Someone I felt was my friend first. I wanted someone I could talk with. Some of you met Jon and I when we visited a couple of years ago. Pardon me, Jon, but he's not in the greatest physical shape and he is *not what you would call "well hung", but, to me, he is a wonderful man. Now I'm not saying that, if Jon had been a wonderful physical specimen, I wouldn't have been thrilled to death, but physical looks is only part of the package. I wanted someone I could *live* with first. I guess the difference is I was looking for something with more long-term perks.
seee, if women would just, y'know own up to some things we could avoid the freind syndrome btw, if you know what that is, i feel sorry for you
I assume it's related to what someone (who was polyamorous) said to me: "Brighn, I just want to have one male friend I haven't slept with." Take out my testicles and staple them to the wall, I don't want them anymore.
Sounds like rather the opposite, actually: hearing "you're such a good friend... you're like a brother to me... " when you're looking for "so, good lookin', what're you up to tonight?"
dan's got it in one. "you're such a good freind" <cringe> i swear, if i hear that one more time in releatoin to "why can't i find a decent man who listens to me and would be a good freind" i'm going to just start shooting people
How is #93 the opposite of #92? It was exactly the same thing: "I'm not going to sleep with you, because I want you as a friend." Translation: You're nice enough, but sex? Yuck!
no, translation "you're my giant emotoinal douche spounge who actually thought he had a chance especially compared to the loosers i typically pic" freind of mine had this thought "women go for musicians because they show such passion and expression when playing, they think that the musicians will show the same amount of passoin for them"
That and they have great hands. Let's face it, most people feel that the 'nice' or 'good' ones of their gender (usually thinking of themselves as fitting that criteria) are ignored by the opposite (or perhaps same) gender who apparently prefers bitches/assholes who are fabulous looking.
Don't forget that we musicians also have great "rhythm"!
#97> Not quite my thinking. There are Gingers and there are Mary Anns. Most people seem to see me as a Mary Ann: Great marrying stock, wonderful with kids, nice guy to be around (most of the time), but sex? Not without a ring, or at least a serious commitment. I know that if I weren't married, I could get lots of dates... with women who are seeking someone to settle down with. Which are mostly the kinds of women I'm attracted to, anyway. I just wish more of the Mary Anns of the world were open to at least occasional play. The ones I meet don't seem to be, and since a certain Ginger fucked with my brain for five years and then just disappeared, I don't seem much inclined for that anymore.
you have to make sure it's a real ginger. but i digress. i've SEEN some fo the assholes that get dates. i'm certianly better looking than ron jeremy now:) and i went to hs with andrew wk!
i could add a lot to this discussion, but guess what. im not gonna.
And I'm still picturing brighn with those silly Mary Ann pigtails.
Yikes. :) I think there's a less cynical way of looking at it, too. It's not so much that people are attracted to losers, it's that we're reluctant to look a gift horse in the mouth. If you're giving someone unlimited friendly devotion, endless emotional support, lots of favors, and seem to be thrilled just to bask in their presence in return.... well, why should your "beloved" do anything to change the status quo? Hell, given the attitude that relationships are difficult temporary arrangements and friendships are easy and permanent, your beloved's got a pretty good incentive _not_ to change the status quo. (Now, I'm not saying that the one getting all that attention is being manipulative. I've seen a few people who play the "just friends" game deliberately, but I've seen a lot more who really just want to believe that someone likes them and is being kind and generous, or who see what's going on but don't know how to change it without losing a friend they've come to depend on.) The problem is, the easiest alternative is to make it clear that you _do_ have an ulterior motive in being so nice, and that's something that a lot of people have been conditioned not to do. And especially when ... well, honestly, part of your ulterior motive is to get in your friend's pants. That looks suspiciously like "expecting" or "demanding" sex in return for kindness, and to me -- to a lot of people, I imagine -- that's more distasteful than just letting yourself be unconsciously manipulated.
Heh, I saw a movie with Ron Jeremy last night....as a preacher! *snicker* It's funny, because the guys that I've dated don't really fit into my list of what I would necessarily be looking for....yet they were all mostly perfect (for awhile anyway....they are all ex's now :) But it does give me a better idea of what to look for next time. Skip nice, give me somebody that can actually manage to out-stubborn me :)
Re #91 and #92:
You may be running into another phenomenon that I've noticed - that
a lot of people, the majority of them, or so it seems, being women - have
difficulty telling someone that they're uninterested in a clear and
unambiguous manner. Then again, maybe you aren't running into it, and you
really have found someone with who sees you as a sibling, or has more regard
for good friends than they do for lovers.
Re #97:
I don't think that's really the case, but I often am surprised at just
how much some people will put up with from the "right" person, and how some
people continuously seem to seek out the "right" person who winds up being
terribly wrong. It doesn't really even seem to have that much to do with
attractiveness - I've seen people go out with ugly assholes, and been unable
to do more than simply scratch my head.
Back to the topic:
There's also the issue of playing the polarities. If someone's
actively chasing you, then it's easy for a lot of people to start thinking
in terms of resistance. If someone isn't, or is, but doesn't really seem to
be working all that hard at it, then it's easier to think in terms of
pursuing them.
I ran into that one hard and fast when getting back together with an
ex-girlfriend; I hadn't been much of a flower-buyer, in the past, and had
become more of one in the time we'd spent apart. When we got back together,
I made up for lost time. And overdid it. Bigtime. Not just with flowers.
That really killed her interest in me, and when she became argumentative, it
killed my interest in her.
I don't think "I just want to be friends" or "I see you as a brother" is at all unclear or unambiguous. It means what you said it does, "I find you physically repulsive and wouldn't sleep with you if we were the last two people on earth, but you're a nice enough person to hang out with."
<chuckle> <rant> know what i REALLY loathe? when i have a nice talk with a perfectly attractive women who's expressed interest in the same sexual deviation as i, who sits there and know 's the freind pain. who expresses this greatly..and then.... follows it up with "wow greg, you're such a good freind" GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH </rant>
People don't usually talk about sex with people they intend to have
it with, do they?
They don't? Everybody I've had sex with has talked about it.
I hav eabsolutely no issues with discussing sex with somebody that I'm planning on having it with. In fact, I'd *rather* do it before hand anyway....makes for an easier time. (of course, as we all know, I have no problems talking about anything. At all. At any time. Think it's a big reason I'm not dating my most recent ex anymore. Oh well. :)
I think I got into this before in a metadiscussion about discussing
what you do and don't like about sex with your partner. I think it's Just
Me (tm), but it may be more widespread. Talking about sex tends to ruin it
for me, make it too clinical.
I agree with Jazz. A playful exchange of ideas is fine, but geometric proofs and such will keep me out of bed. I've discussed sex with people I don't sleep with. That's what a girls' night out is for. :)
Geometric profs suck. I've never had adiscussion of "Touch me here, and I'll touch you there", but a nice amusing discussion of ideas and such is fun :).
besides, you can usually flirt and "discuss" what you wnat in an encounter at the same time
'zactly!
and y'know, if you have the time/energy/appropriate playspace you can always just move ino the fun and games right there. y'know, streamlining negotiations a bit;)
Oddly, a couple of those last responses contradict each other.
I've noticed though, that talking about sex in general tends to be a
friend type of intimacy, and that talking about sex in a more specific context
of what you want at the moment, tends to be more of a partner type of
intimacy.
fair 'nuff. i'll have to keep that in mind
But, as I said earlier in the item, it might be Just Me (tm).
yha, well, i'm noticing trend myself
very interesting development of the thread
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This drifted into Nothingness and stayed 5 months... I said to someone just yesterday, "I can't really define 'my type', but I know right away when someone isn't."
I guess "my type" is someone legal, who isn't a Christian, isn't high on religion, and not a conservative. All considerations after that are secondary.
Wow. You make me look so picky. :) My "application for dating Sarah" resembles the SAT sometimes. Looks, however, rate Very Low compared to intelligence, wit, and passion for the arts. The men I've dated barely resemble each other. I do have a preference for long dark hair and wire-rimmed or "fifties" glasses, but it's not really a requirement. I just notice them first. :) (I wonder if it's because guys who look like that tend to have the same interests as me...hmm...)
First to be on topic, let me say that over the years my tastes in regards to
the ladies have changed, in sync with my lessening sex drive:
17-19> Does she have breasts of some sort and genitals opposite of mine?
SOLD!
19-21> Alrighty, is she able to have a conversation, share a couple of
interests, meet criteria one, and not outweigh me by more then 25%? SOLD!
21-Present> All of the above, some interests in the arts, an interesting mind,
and a bit wacky. But physically, any and all, especially if the combination
of looks is a bit unusual, I like distinctive features and builds.
But...and I say this with all regard, should I enter the singles market again
may my testicles fall off and I never date again if I go out with a woman who
in our early conversations spends more then 50% of the time discussing the
complex interrelationships between her and her friends, complete with names,
dates, and exact text. I actually have a fairly decent recall for
conversations, I don't want to retain that in six months.
The Friend Zone> Ah, actually one of my favorite places to be, overall I found
personally women more fascinating to talk to then men, not to say it is
exclusionary but I'm a fussy lad who likes a wide array of interests not
shared by many of the gentleman I met in school. ("Did you see the game last
night?" "No, but I imagine muscled guys slammed into each other with their
normal disregard for safety. Did our valiant warriors vanquish the evil foe
of the week?") But anyway, one of the nicest things I find is to learn about
a person, what they do, think, believe, and hold dear. (Which is not in
contrast to the above comments on interrelationship chats, they can be
interesting but if your *entire* focus is on them, get a hobby.)
But Greg, regarding your above rants, I feel your pain, very fully. "Ed, I
really like being able to talk with you, and I'm just not sure what to do
about my boyfriend." *Nice comments on status of relationship, after some
thoughtful questions* "Good point, why can't he talk like that, your so
sweet." Sweet = hey, your a nice guy, but I'd rather have intimate relations
with my kitchen appliances, including the ginsu knives, before going at it
with you monkey boy.
Remember, one thing women do when they're faced with a difficult
situation is distort the truth in a way that the'll claim is to spare the
other party's feelings, but also, coincidentally, spares them the difficulty
of telling a hard truth.
"Sweet" translates to "polite, but boring", unfortunately.
Good point Sir Jazz, although let me say that if I am being shown the metaphoric door, I much prefer to get a more accurate phrase, "You are one odd/weird/freaky guy." At least then I get to leave with a bow and smile.
... well then you might as well give up on women. If they're walking
out, they'll say anything to avoid anything they think might hurt you more,
even if it's useful and true.
Give up on women? Never sir, never. To give up the soft and lovely gender of the two, I'd rather give up my legs.
women are terribly complex, maybe... but there's due process of thought to be given to a person who is wacky. i myself am attracted not just to wacky women (my beloved yuki is living red-haired proof of this) but to wacky people in general. they seem more interesting because they're more open-minded usually, and that, at the very least, gives for good conversation, or a stint of running through the mall in a napolean outfit yelling "to waterloo! and feed the horses!" anyhow, to answer myself to the original topic, i used to think that i liked women with short black hair, a slightly petite build, cat-eyed or go-go fifty glasses (i think lisa loeb is terribly terribly hot.), and a spirited laugh, but yuki has shown me that i also like mid-length reddish-brown curly haired short women with wire-frames and a spirited laugh. really, though, it's all about the person inside. A great master once said sex is one thousand times as fulfilling when you truely love your partner with your complete soul. but i digress, as i am new to these boards, and don't want to over-step my newbie boundaries.
and - i'm sorry for pulling out the old threads. ^^;;
No... it's okay... pull 'em out. This cf has been dead for too long.
Seems that lots of conferences go almost completely dead, then a bit of new life is breathed into them every so often. I did a little backtracking in this item last night, because I have confused emotions regarding a woman I like. Even so, I'll go with what happens, if anything.
OK, so you like skinny emo girls ...
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That was a vague reference to the translation of "sweet" in female- ese. Granted, it was an action she said was "sweet", not me directly.
resp:134 and sometimes by new people. This was a fresh breath in the right direction, methinks.
I'm soooooo lost in this item.
where did skinny emo girls come from?
*grumbles about how ALL music is emotional and makes "emo" a silly term to use then walks off* I prefer "whiny, suckass music". :)
Emo concerts.
Emo is short for "emotional punk". "Emotional" has several different
meanings, but if you assume it means "overly sentimental" the term kinda
fits.
I have a strong dislike for airheads myself....
As I understand it, the term "emo" came about when punk started dividing into "hardcore" and "not hardcore". That makes sense, but I still think it's whiny, suckass music. :)
The more I think about it, the more I think punk is a state of mind rather than a state of expression.
i happen to like huskerdu
<waves and ducks back into hiding>
here kitty, kitty...
mrrow?
w00h00, hot tomcat on tomcat action. let's get the vid camera let the ghey k!77!3 p|20|/|2 |336!|/|
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wrong kitty, Dcat; but here's some fresh kibble....
And a year later...
yha, it's pretty much a necropolis. we need fresh blood.
Uh... yeah, where do we get that stuff again?
you're the one with a boi. did you special order him or somthing?
Umm, no? He was a friend of a friend...
ohh, FoF nice.. but i think grex has plethora of men. it's the fly honies grex is short upon these days
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