Not seeing one already, I have created this item for the posting of reputedly humorous items.98 responses total.
This is perhaps not humorous in the classical sense, but oh well... This is an authentic psychological test. It is a story about a girl. While at the funeral of her mother, she met a man whom she did not know. She thought he was amazing, her dream guy, and she fell in love with him but never asked for his number and could not find him after the funeral. A few days later the girl killed her sister. Question: What is her motive in killing her sister? Give this some thought before you scroll down. Answer: She was hoping that the guy would appear at the sister's funeral. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took this test and answered it correctly. If you didn't answer correctly - good for you. If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off my e-mail list... Unless that will tick you off, then... I'll just be extra nice to you from now on!
Eve Chats With God "Lord, I have a problem." "What's the problem, Eve?" "I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy." "And why is that Eve?" "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples" "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "Man? What is that Lord?" "A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. "He will look silly when he is aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. "He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he will also need your advice to think properly." "Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the catch, Lord?" "Well.....you can have him on one condition." "And what's that, Lord?" "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring.....so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. "And it will have to be our little secret.............. You know, woman to woman."
A Touching Story ---------------- Saint Peter is watching the gates of Heaven, but he really has to go to a committee meeting. He asks Jesus to watch the gates for a little while, and Jesus agrees. As Jesus is standing there, he sees an old man leading a donkey up from Earth to Heaven. He notices the old man has carpenter's tools with him. When the old man gets to the gates, Jesus asks the him to explain his life and why he feels he should be admitted into heaven. The man explains "In English, my name would be Joseph, but I didn't live in America or England. I lived a modest life, making things out of wood. I'm not remembered very well by most people, but almost everyone has heard of my son. I call him my son, but I was more of a Dad to him, he didn't really come into this world in the usual way. I sent my son out to be among the people of the World. He was ridiculed by many, and was even known to associate himself with some pretty unsavory characters, although he himself tried to be honest and perfect. My single biggest reason for trying to get into Heaven is to be reunited with my son." Jesus is awestruck by the man's story. He looks into the old man's eyes and asks, "Father?" The old man's face brightens; he looks at Jesus, and asks, "Pinocchio?"
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http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/cms.dll/html/uncomp/articleshow?msid=214 995
http://www.fedex.com/us/about/advertising/tvads/mbawm.html?link=4
This could only happen to a man..... (This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this father. The names have been changed to protect the dignity of the father...) As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week- old son) while I get my sandwich," she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue. Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon.'"
I thought the 'Poupon' line was pretty funny - but what evidence is there that it is a "true story"? I seems "too good to be true".
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Right - you get very wary of tasting *anything* in the vicinity of a baby.
Anything posted in the humor item is suspect at best. Who cares if the story is true?
I only care out of a little curiosity, but why do people think that their funny stories are funnier if they *claim* they are true? I suppose it is related to the fact that many people find it "funny" when someone is discomfited - or even injured - so they have to ensure that the reader think it was a real event. I think I understand that, as the story would create a difference impression if we were told at the beginning that "no one knows if this ever happened, but the story goes that....".
I have no idea if this is real, but it came to me in the mail today: This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter. SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County Dear Mr. DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that here has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions. Sincerely, David L. Price, District Representative Land and Water Management Division ******************************************************************************** **************** ** Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries: ** Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County. Dear Mr. Price, Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then. In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!) Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office. THANK YOU. RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
Heh. I remember seeing that a few years ago. :>
Nice one, Mark.
In honor of Sweetest Day: A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger. Whoosh! Immediately he turned ninety!!!
WHAT IS MARRIAGE? --- Keep U Laffing!
1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind.
Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and
the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring,
and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of
marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year,
the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak
and the NEIGHBORS listen.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has,
you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
8. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China,
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
9. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
10. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage,
it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
11. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
12. Eighty percent of married man cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
13. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin.
They just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
14. Before marriage, a man 'yearns' for the woman he loves.
After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
15. It's not true that married men live longer than single men,
it only seems longer.
16. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of
one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
The best portion of a good man's life is his little, nameless, unremembered
acts of kindness and love.
William Wordsworth
O well.
A friend of mine sent this to me. It made me laugh out loud. ----------------------------------------------------------------- This is a laugh for all those women out there who so look forward to that wonderful time once a year when they get to be "intimate" With their OB/GYN doctor! In Sydney, Australia, one of the radio stations pays($1000-$5000) for people to tell their most embarrassing stories.This one netted the winner $5000.... I was due later in the week for an appointment with my gyn. Early one morning I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for early that morning at 9:30. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 a.m.The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off My dressing gown, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to make sure it was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket,donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" but I didn't respond. When the appointment was over, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal...some shopping, cleaning, cooking,etc. After school when my six-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mum, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink. It had all my glitter and sparkles in it."
Hahahahahahahahahahaha!
One of many jokes that Jim's brother has been sending him from Montana: The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win. Then one night while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph. BULLS-EYE! "I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in their history. The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother. "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!" "I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son!" "I don't think you understand, Mother", the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans." "No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!"
Last time I heard that joke the quaterback prospect was from Bosnia. I wonder where they'll be from five years from now.
LOL. It was a first-timer for me, and I loved it.
Same here!
http://www.ericblumrich.com/nazi.html
(I know it's the humor item, but I wanted to point out that #1 isn't a genuine psychological test. It's just a net meme.)
http://stommel.tamu.edu/~baum/ethel/atrios-dictionary.html Some of my favorites: audio'reilly: To adjust the sound level relative to the opponent, either electronically or vocally, to make one's argument appear stronger. Colmestrato: An emasculated, harmless "liberal" stand-in included for purposes of fairness and balance. limbaughcrisy: loudly denouncing 'degenerate' and illegal behavior, which one nevertheless secretly practices. O'Reillyus Interruptus: being cut off from making a really good point or argument by a radio or cable TV talk show host. Usually involves being loudly shouted down, having one's mic cut (if in a studio), or being "potted down" (if calling in to a radio program). Odds of this happening are greatly increased the closer one gets to the truth. Reductio ad Hannitum: To ask your evil liberal guest something patently ridiculous, then, while they roll their eyes, accuse them of "dodging the question" Scaliosis: condition wherein the afflicted develops a preternatural ability to read the minds of Constitutional framers at a remove of over 200 years.
thats it, try name colling some more.
Come one, come all! It's the battle of the century! Conservatives vs. liberals! The prudes vs. the bleeding hearts! Who's right, who's wrong? See them duke it out!
The holier-than-thou vs. the smug!
err, which one's which?
follow the respective order I began with, and match accordingly.
Re #28: Of course, the right never engages in name calling. All the right-wing pundits who keep remarking that John Kerry is "French-looking" are just trying to be factual, right?
Dictionary: 1. DOOHICKEY: A. Female.............Any part under a car's hood. B. Male...............The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. A. Female.............Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. B. Male...............Playing football without a cup. 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. A. Female.............The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. B. Male...............Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys. 4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. A. Female...........A desire to get married and raise a family. B. Male.............Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. 5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. A. Female......A good movie, concert, play or book. B. Male........Anything that can be done while drinking. 6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. A. Female......An embarrassing by-product of digestion. B. Male........A source of entertainment, self-_expression &male bonding. 7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. A. Female............The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. B. Male.................Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up naked. 8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. A. Female............A device for changing from one TV channel to another. B. Male.................A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes.
rehash
hash browns
First time I've heard it. I like.
hash browns - fried mashed potato squares.
Not hash browns dumdum, jep's entry!! I know what hashbrowns are. And they're not always squares. Sometimes they're a heap of fried grated potato. Depends on where you get them
re resp:35: In order to better provide for your needs, if you'll kindly post everything you've ever seen, weekly, I may (or of course, may not) review it to make sure I don't post anything that would bore you with it's repetitivity.
You can say that again!
No. He can't. He's not allowed to say "repetitivity" ever again.
40: <chuckle> good one, that.
Warmed up rice with thawed pizza sauce, a slab of tofu, and microwaved peanuts. Jim was busy moving computer parts around so I decided to cook for myself. (He took over). I am not using sharp knives yet.
That's not very funny, Sindi.
You just don't have a sense of humour, gelinas.
re: 39: ah. re: 44: rotflmao, sindi.
Re #39: Yeah. Good hashbrowns bear little resemblence to the prefab patties that McDonalds gives you.
Re 44 and 45. Was it supposed to be funny? Jim has been doing all the cooking because my hands are numb and a bit shaky from a chemotherapy drug and I am not supposed to risk cutting myself because of low platelet counts due to all the drugs, so I don't use sharp knives or go near hot burners. It is okay to use the microwave oven on leftovers, but sort of a challenge to assemble a meal without knives or a stove when you like vegetables.
I thought you meant Jim was driving you crazy...
Well, this *is* the 'humor' item, Sindi. Perhaps you thought it was Item Ate?
Yes I thought it was item ate - weren't people talking about food? I guess it is funny that I got the wrong item. I cannot see on my screen which item it is (dialed in directly with Kermit).
(You can always type 'h' at the "Respond or pass" prompt to see the item header.)
(not that it's a big deal)
Now I know you are a fastidious house keeper and need no help whatsoever.
However, you may be very glad to get these cleaning tips.
Dirt: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter
against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15
and leave it alone.
Cobwebs: Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the
bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that
the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim,
"What? And spoil the mood?"
(I just throw glitter on them & call them holiday decorations).
Pet Hair: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by
claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play
animals for children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter).
Guests: If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one
room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home,
rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl, and say, "I'd love you to see
our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed, and the shots are SO expensive."
Dusting: If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the
coffee table and insist,
"This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."
Painting: Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall
with an assortment of crayons and try to muster a glint of tears as you say,
"Junior did this when he was 3 years old,
and I haven't had the heart to clean it."
General Cleaning: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four
cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in
conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the couch,
and sigh, "I clean and I clean, and I still don't get anywhere."
As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie pan,
turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a bake sale
for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean... Works every time.
If the house is clean, the computer has crashed.
("A clean house is a sign of a broken computer.")
The Creation of Michigan Once upon a time in the kingdom of heaven, God was missing for six days. j Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downward through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth, "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over here I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large land mass and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God. "That's Michigan, the most glorious place on earth. You'll notice that it is made in the fashion of my hand, the hand of God. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets and rolling hills. The people from Michigan are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous; and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hard working, and high achieving; and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the nincompoops I'm putting around them in Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, and Canada."
Re #55: "If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door." The sad thing is, I actually do this. Re #56: <snicker>
I thought everybody cleaned into one room. Or the basement.
Or under one gigantic rug. :-)
Below is an elementary school joke related by my 10-year-old: An airplane was flying full of passengers when suddenly the bottom of the fuselage sheared away. All the passengers were hanging on by their hands for dear life. Somehow it was determined that one of the passengers had to let go, so that the plane wouldn't crash and the others would be saved. The poor fellow chosen to make the sacrifice made such an impassioned speech about what an honor it was to save his fellow passengers, whatever, they were all so moved they applauded...
For those of you with graphical web browsers: Click on the link below to see a cute little animation just in time for the Thanksgiving holiday. If you have sound, you will get to hear the animation accompanied by "Turkey in the Straw". :-) http://213.52.196.82/viewcard.asp?code=0183913358
http://members.verizon.net/vze47msr/Sig-n-Roy.gif
http://whorewhorewhore.whore.whore/
How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? Wanna ride bikes?
that's not very funn...hey look, cows!
This response has been erased.
Hah!
my mom said i can't have no icecream on account of it might make me hyperac... /falls off of desk and breaks arm
(.44 = 11/25, which is also how you write today's date; now on to the punishment! :-) A backward poet writes inverse. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condoments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. Every calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted - 'taint yours and 'taint mine. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory that was never developed. A plateau is a high form of flattery. A midget fortuneteller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture is a jab well done. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeet.
whores with bad under"ware"
This is somewhat "humorous" while mildly educational: http://www.malevole.com/mv/misc/killerquiz/
7/10 :) go to http://google.com type in "miserable failure" without the quotes click "I'm Feeling Lucky"
7/10 too.
re resp:72 -- see http://www.livejournal.com/~juicycat/16114.html
9/10, ha! My assumption proved true: all other things being equal, the correlation between age/quality of the photograph and the answers was pretty good. :)
http://www.theonion.com/3948/news2.html
I loved that one. :> This line especially cracked me up: "Then Jorge offered me a very attractive package, and I decided it was in my interest to act." Huh-heh. "Package". Huh-heh.
Yeah, that was pretty good. :)
From Carol: The UK power company Powergen opened a division in Italy. Combining the name "Powergen" and "Italia", they created this website...wait for it... www.powergenitalia.com (and the people responsible for sacking the people responsible for that name have been sacked)
Simply Brilliant. Thankyou so much for that.
Hahah. that is the best.
Thank you. Vivian (my partner secretary) and I are howling.
There *is* a Powergen Italia, but it has no connection to the UK company Powergen. See: http://www.snopes.com/business/names/powergen.asp The entry notes a couple fun examples of other sites with unfortunate names, like www.whorepresents.com (Who Represents) and www.expertsexchange.com (they recently changed their domain name to www.experts-exchange.com).
not to mention bdsm ongolianbarbecue.com. . . . also let stalk.com (Let's Talk, a site for comparison-shopping cellphone plans and equipment)
I used to work in a department whose formal title was: General Electric Medical Systems Healthcare Information Technology -- GEMSHIT. Unfortunately someone eventually caught on and they dropped the Healthcare bit. :)
I worked for a short time for ANS, where one of my coworkers invented the slogan "ANS: All that's missing is you."
I'm told that for a while NAD Electronics' marketing slogan was "Go NAD!" I have no way of verifying this, however.
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"Uncle Sam's Misguided Children"
We once had the choice between "Eng. Process Team" and "Eng. Process Group". We chose the latter. Does anyone know why? ;-)
Because you weren't pregnant?
i dunno, i think one would *want* to be known as EPT. unless, of course, one wasn't (in which case they might *want* to be known so even more. . .)
Yep, we weren't testing for pregnancy, either at home or at work. :-)
You didn't want to be in EPT?
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What is that, the jerryr becomes Santa web page?
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Aw. That is very cute!
You have several choices: