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Grex Writing Item 96: Forsaken 3 (what do you think?)
Entered by jwp on Fri Sep 30 06:07:26 UTC 1994:

He sits upon a Cold Stone that is as heartless as many of the truths
he now knows...his heart with new knowledge ready for the future...but in
way unknown to many He was a lifeless shell with pain he thinks "Was my
choice right I had a chance to die and I gave up what was my only true way
out"...now the only way is forward...he cries as the pain engulfs what is
left of his soul...It grips down on his soul like the seering coldness of
the very being of the universe..And in his mind and in his heart he sees
and feels the cold hard pain of the world...And as he Drifts off to sleep
in his heart he feels and sees for the first time that Even though the
pain seers through his being and soul he must go forward...And even in the
silance of that of a forsaken one he must carry on...for now it was the
only way....The pain would just have to contend with the striveing force
pushing him into the unknown future...forward...

4 responses total.

#1 of 4 by kami on Fri Sep 30 15:18:34 1994:

not bad, jwp.  worthy of revision to make it better: the punctuation is a 
bit confusing.  One can do a lot with punctuation and page layout.  I see
that you are trying to do so.  Please keep at it.  Check your spelling: I
could not find that use of sear in my dictionary, but I know that "seer" is
a sort of prophet and "sere" is very dry and brittle.  I'd like to have some
idea of how this person came to be in his current state, or why he feels
compelled to carry on- what he will have to do next or in the future or 
something.  Even sketched in with a brief mention, to put us in sympathy with
the character.
Please keep working on this, it is worth while.
Kami

#2 of 4 by jwp on Mon Oct 3 08:03:36 1994:

Kami....This was part 3...It is my plan and the easiest to import so I
thought I would...Searing coldness as far as I know when I wrote it would
be bone numbing coldness....I know the spelling needs some work...I just
thought I would get a general acount of what people thought...of the
poem and my writing...

#3 of 4 by orinoco on Sat Oct 15 16:20:59 1994:

I like it!

#4 of 4 by jwp on Sun Oct 16 09:32:34 1994:

thank you....

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