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My turn!! :)
I was really depressed the other day, and had absolutely nothing to
do so I wrote this:
"too much"
Within the span of life, I saw too much:
too much trouble and fear, too many kisses and tears;
and yet I survived - survive - to see much more.
Cruelty, abandonment, addiction, a nuclear war which takes all Life and leaves
only Death.
And it continues for far too long.
Girl sees boy, boy kisses girl.
Man makes passionate love to woman,
and then woman leaves, taken by a fanatic spray of gunfire -
a shower which takes man's newfound love in bloddy embrace and
gives him emptiness in its place.
Or man finds man - or woman, woman -
and half is crushed in the unsanctimonious grip of
Acquired (as if it had been purchased at a Macy's department store; and
perhaps it had, by their endless love for one another)
Immune (is there such a state of being for a human? is there any person
who cannot be cripples, weakend, suffocated, killed by something?)
Deficiency (of what? iron? nurishment? love? all these can be found).
They call it 'Fate', I call it Evil.
I've seen too much already.
I'm ready to leave this shameless, hopeless 'Pit of Despaire'...
But I will see much more before the Reaper calls my Name.
I'll see babies ripped from their mother's womb;
Not by a stranger's lustful malevolence, but by her own soft hand.
I'll see humans beaten to death by fists of rage,
by sticks and stones ("may break my bones...")
because of who they love. ('Fag!' 'Dyke!' 'Queer!').
("but words will never hurt me."
they'll kill me!)
A child dies in the street, overwhelmed by pangs of hunger,
while those in the house she crumples in front of eat a Christmas dinner -
just the usual honey-glazed ham and basted turkey -
but enough to fill the dying child's stomach,
to save her life so she might grow older to see too much.
I'll see presidents assassinated, while others embezzle large sums of money
from their corporations in order to spend a month in the tropical
climes of Haiti.
I'll see teens murdered, while others steal money from their friends and
family to feed a raging fire inside them which can only be calmed by a
Weed.
And I'll see a young girl, unloved by anyone, her cries for help unheard,
Her tears unseen, her behavior misunderstood,
her trembling limbs pinned down as the one person she thought she could
trust violates her innermost sanctity again and again,
taking her self-respect and will to live away from her,
giving her fear and dread in their place.
I'll see her sitting at her bedroom window, looking out onto the sunny day,
her radio loudly playing her favorite music, comforting her.
I'll see her index finger squeezing the thin trigger, implanting a piece
of steel deep into her brain, another piece of steel dropping from her
hand to the floor, her body following; her eyes staring out onto the
Sunny day.
The one she thought she could trust pulling into the driveway.
I'll see much more than this, even.
I'll see the world fall apart, split in two by a whirlwind of energy which
bakes everything into a mold of cinder and ash -
caused by the decision if a single man.
And you'll see this too;
Because you exist, because your heart beats gallons of crimson blood
throughout your body,
Because you know that one plus one equals two...
But soon that one will equal all.
And you'll see no more.
14 responses total.
Depressing.
It is....But it's really pretty good....I myself am no poet, So I can't be a very good judge.....(Sorry)
Does one have to be a poet to be a (good) judge of poetry? Maybe to analyze it.
Honesty is the best policy, this is terrible the only truly depressing aspect of this poem is that r. wodman likes it, poetry exists to make an expression concerning the very essence of human existance, not to indulge in trite political commentary, 'Write a little most for show, Display the empty, what not to know'.
It's free verse. I'm not a fan of free verse. But it works. It flows. Some of the word-use is powerful. It gets it's point across. Ouch!
Fair enough, but surely it's possible to distinguish between good and bad free verse. This is bad free verse? (or do I lack the artistic perception to appreciate something titled 'A Depressing poem'). "Clouds roll overhead, immortal mind subconcious stirs,......" You see it is possible to use free verse with some internal rhyme scheme. Only individuals who have consumed far too much LSD *enjoy* free verse!!!
I resent that. I'm drug free and I love free verse. Now go chew a maggot. How's that for free imagery? :) :) :) :)
Only individuals who have consumed far too much LSD overtly *insult* other people's artistic tastes. I'm drug-free (well, o.k., I do alcohol and caffeine) and prefer free verse myself.
I find that free verse is harder to write than that which follows a strict meter and rhyme scheme. Perhaps that's because the choices are less circumscribed; it's more difficult to find something that works and does not degenerate into prose.
y'all wanna see depressing?? no, i won't show the really depressing ones, but i will show some lesser, yet still, depressing poems of mine... : After pain time can piece a heart back together... after a heart has been broken into too many pieces too many times, the lovers quit... the loved die. here is another one: FOOL Once again she watched one leave... walk away... out of her life forever, leaving her behind in tears, in pain... her heart lies on the ground, smashed again... the love wrung out of it... like the rest, he came, then he left... gone, after he got what he'd come for... to see another fool go down. tell me what y'all think
The 1st one hits home for me, the second I couldn't seem to relat too as well.
The second one seems more real, specific, powerful to me. The first is a bit of a cliche.
Oh great, does that mean I'm a cliche?? <don't answer that.... : )>
now , that was good - free verse and all the second was good too - though it sparks a light head here's a small, yet depressing one, wanna comment ? anyone's welcome. i wandered alone in the desert in vain oblivious of the thundering gale for other things hovered in my mind those that made me blind a thousand miseries plagued my heart like pygmy poison darts they came on unrelenting devastating a destroyed being i trudged on without purpose the head and heart a breed apart trying to reach a consensus climax akin to the bad start it saddened her - my whims so much like unpredictable springs what saddened me further still were unrealised dreams my name is ashok and you can reach me on mail : nistel@cyberspace.org thanks for your time ... bye... chao. au revoir.
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