Grex Writing Conference

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Grex Writing Item 122: Lost Love
Entered by thesexy1 on Mon Mar 27 04:56:41 UTC 1995:

THE BIRD

The bird
caught
in the wild...
tamed by the one
who caught it...

the bird
released
to the wild...
forgot the one
who tamed it.

5 responses total.

#1 of 5 by thesexy1 on Mon Mar 27 04:59:07 1995:

this was created for those who want to express their hurt caused by those who 
you loved and who caused you pain.... the next entry will give you an 
example to follow, if you still are confused by the theme of this item...

#2 of 5 by thesexy1 on Mon Mar 27 05:11:17 1995:

The creek babbling
through the forest
used to be
the only sound
to be heard
as I'd sit...
but now,
as my life
has been
shattered
by you
leaving,
for good
this time,
the creek,
the forest creatures,
the forest,
all share my pain...
the winds
whisper your name
through the trees,
among the branches,
between the leaves...
the creek flows
silently,
carrying away
my tears,
but splashing
my feelings,
gently,
back up onto me
on the bank...
the animals,
once filled with
chitter-chatter
of happiness,
of joy,
now silently 
scurry
from the darkness
spreading
across the sky
as the raindrops
fall
to cover
my tears...
the thunder
cries your name out
with a booming
loudness,
and the lightening
flashes your face,
your movements,
your contentment
equal to my pain;
flashes my
memories
of your
across the dark skies...

tell me what y'all think... i accept honest opinions only, no matter how
criticizing or not... thanx for reading my poetry and thanx for your honest
opinions....

#3 of 5 by odye on Mon Mar 27 18:59:56 1995:

I think there is something really good in there, but for some reason I
had a hard time letting it evoke a picture for me... maybe it is something
aws simple as the way you broke the poem up into its lines.....

#4 of 5 by kami on Mon Mar 27 20:16:53 1995:

gee, I'm usually so critical, and I can't find anything to mess with here.
I really like these two peoms. The first more so- it's shorter, and more
direct, so more effective.  But I like your images, your simple language,
and the basic point you make is wonderful (although for some folks the 
opposite is true; that they are more preoccupied when in pain and more 
aware, more engaged with nature when in love)

#5 of 5 by insanity on Tue Mar 28 14:10:34 1995:

I liked your longer one. It trailed on as pain does. I don't think I can
express what I thought of it though.

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