Does religion impact sex for you? I mean, will you knowingly take
someone of a different faith/worldview to be your partner, or does the
idea turn you off? Have you ever been in a cross-faith relationship that
failed? that worked?
        Also, does your religion specify how, when or with whom you should
have sex, and if so, how? Is it actually part of the faith, or just a
tenet that society has built into what it means to be a member of the faith?

100 responses total.

I was raised a Catholic, but has also been taught about pagans, and have done
some magic of my own. I see the positive and negative of both. I like strong
community feeling that we have at my church, but at the same time i don't
believe in some of the churches teachings. Especially about sex before
marriage. I have only had sex once and I was in love. I only want to have sex
if I am in love, that is my own personal choice. I know that my God will
understand, how could something so beautiful not be shared? I have always been
accepted by my partners for my faith...

Like Colleen, I was raised Catholic, but I am a Pagan of my own choice, and
have been for three years.  I believe that sex before marriage is perfectly
acceptable as long as you feel it is right.  I have to care about a person
quite deeply before I can succomb to something like that because I attach
quite a few emotions to a sexual experience.  Also, if you are in love with
a person, or simply love them, it brings you to a higher plane of
feelings...almost like levitating off of the bed.  *sigh*
I have been in a relationship with someone of a different faith, and it didn't
end because of the faith, per se.  It ended because a lot of our morals that
*dealt* with our faith weren't compatible.  I need someone who can be very
open-minded and have a world view of something, or be willing to accept or
try anything as long as it doesn't hurt others.  

Sometimes when you have sex with a new person, the other person
might be assuming that the sex implies some sort of commitment
on your part.  This is much more the case with sex than with
just about anything else two people can do together short of
getting engaged or married.  No matter how much you want to have
sex with that person, you first have to find out if that's what 
they're really thinking, and, if so, decide if you're ready to
make that commitment.  If you don't make this effort beforehand,
the sex might be terriffic but the consequences later on can be
painful for one or both of you.  You don't want to hurt someone.
That, plus some boilerplate about birth control and disease
prevention, is the extent of my advice to my kids about the
morality of sex.  I realize that it isn't awfully religious,
but I don't know what else to tell them that wouldn't seem,
at least to me, like flaming hypocrisy.  The basic message --
don't lie, even accidentally, but be honest with others -- is
*sort* of religious, I guess.  [md checks for thunderclouds
overhead]

oh yes, i agree wholehartedly with md.....
some people (like i used to be) put quite an emphasis on the act.....
it really does involve quite a bit of emotionall attachment.
i have to admit though, the sex was QUITE good....but the damage afterwords
when she turned out not to put any value on it at all is not doing
my stress and depression levels any good.
<sigh>

<birdy hugs phenix tightly>  I understand, babes...

Having sex, one thing.
A spin of my own, though:  Discussing sexual mores with folks of other
religions.  I mention this b/c my sexual behavior is well within the
confines of appropriate for *my* religion, but as for my father's (a
Methodist minister), well... that's another story.  And my step-mother
(also a Methodist minister) implied strongly that Pagan priests (which I
am one of) are subject o the same sexual ethics rules that everyone else
is (including monogamy).  *pout*  Then again, we were discussing 
hypotheticals and such... I have yet to get the courage to discuss 
specifics and particulars.  

Subject to the same ethics and rules she holds to?  or subject to the same
ethics and rules pagans hold?   <'cause Mormans aren't monogamous either
<shrug>>

<huggle val>
depends......
some of them are

She seems to feel that Pagan priests are subject to the same sexual ethics
that all clergy are (i.e., christian sexual ethics)... she's normally much
more ecumenical than this.  I think if I *could* explain the more difference,
I could broach the issue of polyamory.  But since I have a vested interest,
I'm naturally nervous that it will go wrong...

Even many non-religious people think non-monogamy is unethical. It's not
a Methodist thing, especially.

I wasn't implying that it was the exclusive province of Christianity, Katie.
It is the case that in some religions, polyamory is fully in line with 
beliefs.  Are clergy of one religious system subject to the ethical views
of other religions?  I think not.
*sigh*

some would argue that there is a higher, universal law that applies to all..
now, as far as i can tell, the only thing legally to work out is weather
or not it is a crime in the sate you are in.  as for religon, remember
not all x-tians are monogomus....
by belief that is

Almost everything sexual is illegal in Michigan, Greg.

Ah well, I was seeking advice.  Instead I've gotten discouraging comments.
I suppose that's the advice.  *sigh*

I agree with you, Brighn...I've just been kind of out of it lately due to some
disturbing news I received the other day.  *sigh*  Anyways, I believe that
it is fully acceptable to be in love with more than one person as long as they
are okay with it.  If it matters to anyone, I'm a Pagan (Celtic).

        People who believe that it is morally wrong to be polyamorous
shouldn't practice polyamory. Those who believe monogamy to be
morally wrong shouldn't practice monogamy.
        Those who have no problem with either have the better situation,
though, IMHO.

Yes, I know that, Selena ... and thanks for the words, Sarah.
I was starting to feel beleagured...
*still thinking about the parent discussion... and whether to bother with it*

I didn't mean to be discouraging.  Sort of just reacting to your mothers 
comments, not your situation Brighn.
The way I decide whether or not to tell my parents things is if it
will accomplish anything productive.  My parents read my ADF newsletter
over the summer <yes, they opened my private mail, but that is something
else> since they now make jokes about my 'witch' friends but dont seem to
be to upset, I let it lie.  Sort of a polite ignoring of something
we both know to avoid a fight.

Same here, Val.  My parents raised me as a Catholic, so we don't really
discuss the facts that I hold different beliefs and that my friends are "weird
witches".  *sigh*  My mother is fun to talk to because she expresses an
interest in mythology and the Celts, etc, and told me that if you can't
question a religion occassionally, then what is it worth?  My dad, however,
isn't as open-minded as her, so he and I have never discussed it.  My dad
drags me to church with him...my mother bought me a robe for
equinoxes/solstices...go figure...  <g>

        Your mom sounds very cool..
        I know about closed-minded fathers.. of course, most of you KNOW
why, so I won't waste space with it again..
        Is there anyone here who knows of good examples of religion
and sexuality going well together?

No not me...

Religions that go well with sexuality?  I know a few.
Problem is, practitioners tend to scmuck things up...

<is nodding in agreement>

I think that in theory Wicca tends to go well with sexuality, in theory.
At least sexuality is viewed as sacred and not a dirty icky thing to be done 
the dark.  But this is just in theory.  Like always the people make or 
break the theoretical.  Myself - I'm a recovering Catholic
and the view that was taught to me as a child semetimes surfaces
<Ususally when I'm pondering the choices I've made>

My point exactly, Val.
Although I wasn't talk about you specifically.  :)
I'm talking, most recently, about Pagan-filled hot tubs where at least
one person grumbled about the behavior of others in their presence...
(not to name names publicly, although nobody here knows them anyway).
And that happens so many times.  

One tenet of Wicca, and many paths of neopaganism, is sexual freedom --
sexuality as religious celebration, actually (to quote the Charge, "All
acts of love and pleasure are my rituals" -- that includes but is not
limited to scrumping).  Problem is, a lot of polys (polyamorous = multiple
partners) seem to think that means that polyamory is superior to monogamy,
and a lot of monogamists are carrying their baggage in from other religions
and stamping it onto paganism.

That's not saying that all polys are like that, they aren't (Gods, I hope
I'm not).  That's not saying all monogamists are like that, they aren't
(I know some nice Christian monogamists hanging out on grex who aren't).
That's not saying all sexual more conflicts are caused by poly/monogamist
fueds (since the person who left the hot tub is poly themself)...

But I *do* think that many of the sexual conflicts within neopagnaism are
caused by external noise -- either people scrumping everything that moves
b/c they feel free of the JudeoChristian anti-sexual confines (towards
certain kinds of sex), or people maintaining their sexual mores even though
those mores are almost in conflict with the tenets of their pagan path...
often this is just a problem with reconciliation of personal and religious
values.

i would just like to say that i have no problem with people haveing, nice,
normall consenual sex of any kind, but haveing "public" sex, or haveing
sex in front of other people who may or may not be expecting it is at
best...well.....slightly shocking......
btw: i define public sex as doing something like....oh.....say two
people screwing on the first bench into the diag from the MBL, in plain sight
of half of downtown......
but i actually have a question: is there any religon that encourages blatent
and rampant public acts of sex?

        Yeah- mine.
        <Selena *is* kidding>
        I do practice a loose form of paganism and it does happen to include
a good bit of sexual magick/prayer.. however.. even though I myself am
given to do exhibitionistic things, that isn't necessarilty what I'd 
call a tenet of the religion I practice- just me being me.

Define public.
Define sex.
The range of PDAs that I find acceptable is broader than most people's.
But it all depends on definitions...

As far as blatant and public (i.e., *anyone* can see), no, I don't know 
of any.  Are youlooking, Greg?  >8)  (that *was* a joke...)

i konw.....
i have trouble hugging in public.......
<shudder>
public : U of M diag, first 2 floors of the U of M union, halls of school 
during school....
sex: intercourse of any kind.

As for PDA ( I know...drifting...)  Jerod and I dont' like to do much more
than hug, hold hands, or do the quick peck on the lips in public.  We're
pretty private when it comes to that because we dont' like seeing other people
play tonsil hockey.  <g>

In my religion, I see sex as a beautiful thing that becomes even more magickal
if you invite the higher powers to share with you.  When you're with someone
of the same beliefs, or that belongs to the same circle or hermetic as you,
it can feel as though you're floating off of the bed.  This also make me more
open to sexual encounters because I dont' go by the strict "NO sex before
marriage" rule.  I believe that as long as you truly care about the person
and that you're not using them, then go ahead and experience what every human
is built to experience.

Wonderful sentiment, bird ;} Unfortunately, as a Solitary in a (extremely)
Christian area, I kinda feel like a guppie in shark-infested waters. ;{

Ah, greg, define intercourse.  :)  *That* usually involves penetration,
but I don't think it'd be o.k. for two women to eat each out in public.
Mebbe in East Quad ... :)
*brighn is just having fun, details on this thread are really unnecessary*

actually, i was thinking of oral sex, anal sex, or vaginal sex.

O.k., in that case, i'll agree with you...
although breast fondling/nibbling might be thrown in too...

depends on how exposed it is....i mean, it is still disturbing, but if you
are not close, no one would notice....

Well i beleived in no sex before marraige and was indeed a virgin when I
married....i also was a born again Christian....i say was because though I
believe in God and know my Bible fairly well I have not been impressed at all
with the christians I have observed over the last 23 years..A reaal shame too.
and hipocrisy isnot hte issue.  it is the way we as "christians" are susposed
to be and yet I see more love tenderness and forgiveness in  so called non
christians then I do christians.  I am so deeply disappointed.
i have decided to just take people as people loving them for who they are not
what they are.  to cut yourself off from a person who say doesn't share your
beliefs is to rob yourself of a very wonderful experience.  
I have experienced "sex" with others through the net...and perhaps I would
have said in the beginning me? never!!! but for me the experiences have been
positive and loving. A time of sharing and comfort for me.
As for loving  more than one...I do I have grown to love many people sight
unseen...and is not the human heart big enought to love many people..I think
so.
And I cannot say i would never do this or that because frankly I don't
know...i do believe that to have sex in real life with someone would be a
committment to me....The act to me is sooo special and so intimate that I
cannot do it casually .  I have said before that making love  you reveal your
deepest parts of you body and soul a person is inside you feeling your insides
intimately I can't share that lightly.....i would be theirs foreveer.....no
apologies just truth....:)

        No apologies needed! So, you understand polyamoury, then, and even
practice it on a net-level, but wouldn't be able to physically?
Or, did I misinterpret something..?

I think that the Christians have always been wrong on the sex issue. Polygamy
is one thing but sex before marriage is another. Christians are too fast most
of the time to label people as hedonists. All i have to say to thta is "those
without sin can cast the first stone"

Um, not all Christians.

Why is there a substantive difference between polygamy and premarital sex?
*cocks head*
I'm not denying one, you just leave it unexplained.
And, yes, for once I agree with Katie... I don't like generalizations
like that, despite the qualifying "most of the time"

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