why women hate doing it? why women love doing it?
why men hate doing it? why men love doing it?
why anyones likes it aside from the whole incredible pleasure aspect..

discuss!

55 responses total.

It's just so much *fun* I don't understand why anyone doesn't like it.  

Taste?

thirst?

second part of question:

why are both men and women uncomfortable talking about it?

no clue, i'm not

so do you consider the 'politics' to be the same when a man does it compared
with when a woman does it?

[im just trying to bring this conf back to life people!]

well, thank you.
politics? i do k now that a great many women i've spoken to don't like
to give head, and guys think it makes them weak.
me, i just think that's silly. 

I know someone who said she doesn't like the texture.  We think we 
found a cure for that, though.  Chocolate flavored body butter.  :9

        The only thing that makes me uncomfortable about oral sex is that some
people insist on calling it just "oral", which is an adjective, and not a
noun.  It's weird, but that really bugs me, way out of porportion to any
other adjective being used as a noun.  

        I'd say the politics are the same;  if I ran into someone who wouldn't
go down on me, I'd stop going down on them.  I must have been exceptionally
fortunate, because although I've run into a few people who have issues from
their past, I haven't run into anyone who wasn't into it.

one thing that bugs me about _head_ (n.) when people feel automatically
obligated to reciprocate. 

the thing phenix said about 'guys think it make them weak'  - i think that
can go both ways. _head_ often becomes a 'service' and not sex. shitty.

        Okay, I'm with you there.  But people need to be less uptight about
sex anyways.  You don't see people getting as worked up over who enjoyed
rollerblading more, or whether they were both into that scenic drive.

what some women don't seem to understand is how much power you can have 
over a man when you give him head.  If I offer to give Jon head, he'll 
do almost anything I ask, provided I don't go overboard and provided 
also that deliver on my offer in the first place.  

Manipulating someone with an offer of head and then not delivering is 
not wise.  I would stop trusting someone who got me to do something for 
them with and offer of head and then didn't provide.  

Uh oh, there goes one of my buttons.  Do you really want to turn sex into a
currency?  There's a word for that...

Here's a story I thought was interesting and may fit in this item:

A guy I know (who I suspect has "issues" re/women) started hanging out
with the gf of someone he knew who had moved to another state. She was
never clear on the status of that relationship. She did start hanging out
a lot with my friend, including late at night, sleeping over, etc. Classic
tease behavior, some might say. Apparently things progressed to kissing
and then him going down on her. She would not reciprocate, and eventually
she stopped seeing him because she felt guilty. 

While I certainly see some fault on her part because of her unresolved
feelings, I also have a hard time feeling as sorry for him as he feels for
himself. 

They're both choads.

There's also the skill issue.  Supposedly, some guys don't know what 
spots are pleasurable down there.  And then there's the guy wish that 
a girl will continue to fellate and not get a sore jaw.

I highly recommend the Nina Hartley videos for tips or finding a good 
self-help book with pictures.

and practice practice practice!!!

        I'm with Greg.  The idea that anyone would view sex as an exercise in
power over someone both disturbs and angers me.  I don't think I've ever wound
up with someone like that, but if I did, I would leave in a heartbeat.  But
then I don't react well at all to most manipulative tactics, and I've noticed
that people who are normally manipulative don't seem to try it around me, at
least not in the more obvious ways.

Jon - smart women will do many other things, including things with their
mouth, until the sore cheeks/jaw goes away.

I've never had any issues with oral sex, other than the fact that it does
absolutely nothing for me.  I get bored.  I kinda feel bad about that too,
since there have been a few guys that have tried really really hard, and I
certainly don't blame them!!!

As for giving oral, once again, as a basic deed, I have no issues with it.
For myself, I try to avoid it, for a few decent reasons.  I tend to gag
pretty easily, and no guy wants to be puked on.  I do have jaw issues, and
can't always open my mouth all the way.  Also, when I'm excited, I tend to
be fairly nippy, and nobody wants to be bitten there.  Lastly is the
taste...that whole gag things comes right back up as an issue.  I've
certainly gone down on most guys I've dated, but the rule has almost always
been to let me know before anything comes out, or there will be hell to pay.

Yeah, the guys I've known would be thrilled to have me go down, but never
never never have I ever tried to use it as a power tool....that's just all
sorts of sick and wrong.  Sex is a beautiful thing..,..don't try to ruin it
with power.

I suspect, although I don't know, that people may be reading Julie a bit
harsher than she intended to be read.  

Heck, there's even an argument that she was just being
tongue-on-dick-in-cheek.

Senna!!!  :)

        That's true, I suppose, Steve, but it wouldn't be the first time that
someone was speaking sarcastically and got taken seriously for lack of a ";)"
somewhere in the message.

        On #19, I've never been with anyone who didn't enjoy cunninlingus. 
Many women aren't comfortable enough with it to bring themselves to orgasm;
that's not uncommon at all and usually goes away with a little encouragement
and practice.  But I've never been with anyone it did *nothing* for;  it begs
the question if it's not the act, but the people who've gone down on you that
did nothing for you.

I'm inclined to agree with jazz, eeyore.  It sounds like you've had some
rotten luck and met some real cunnilingual morons.

i'll agree also. and i just can't stand that word - cunnilingus -

        It doesn't roll off the tongue well, does it?  That's inappropriate.

how about going down?
that term sit wit you better?

i like head.

 :D

lol!@ #25 btw

head eh? that work

        On the subject of #27 - who, outside of eeyore, DOESN'T like head?

resp:18  Well, yes.  The key is you said *smart*.

resp:20  I think Julie meant that you get a lot of favorable 
response.  Hey, this guy will beg and grovel as far as that's 
concerned.

resp:23 resp:22 resp:19 I also agree with jazz and void.  Those few
 guys may have tried hard, but maybe they still didn't know what they  were
doing.  Both the woman and the man need to be educated as far as  oral
stimulation of the female genitals is concerned.  First of all..  it has to do
with the clitoris, and not the vagina (assuming that's  it.)  Then there's
experimentation, finding out what works.. what  amount of stimulation and
pressure is right, etc.

In our last sex cf, I seem to remember that much of the consensus was 
that semen is an acquired taste, so to speak.  I don't know if putting 
food on top helps any, such as body butter, chocolate, honey..  Can't 
remember the old item, but perhaps looking back is worth it.

        Well, yes, and no.  I've been told that some guys are blissfully
unaware of the existence of the clitoris, but it really doesn't seem like
that closely guarded of a secret to me.  I mean, it's right there.  Unless
you're not paying any attention whatsoever, you'd at least wonder what the
little nub is for, and might chance to brush up against it in the process of
fingering.  So I don't buy the argument that bad head is the result of men
who don't know what a clitoris is.

        Now, men who don't know what to do with it (or, I understand from a
friend, women) are a different story.  Different people need different
degrees of stimulation.  Some women are capable of having the normally
covered portion of the clitoris stimulated immediately, and some can't handle
anything except for indirect stimulation at all.  I can completely buy
someone not doing THAT right, or learning one particular way and continuing
to use it with people it doesn't apply with.

        The REAL key with head, though, is enjoying it.  And letting your
partner know you enjoy it.  It's a complete turn-on to have a partner who
really enjoys giving you pleasure and would prefer at times that you simply
enjoy yourself while they give it to you.  If someone has issues with their
body, I can see accepting even the most direct partner being difficult.

Actually, I'm pretty sure that it's me and not the guys, and deffinately
know that one of the guys is thought of highly in that area.

You guys do realise that this doesn't bug me at all, right? :)

sure. you're just a mystery:)

#32 is right on. and the key really is enjoying doing it. that eventually make
taste etc a non-issue. i couldnt enjoy receiving head if i knew the other
person had to apply something in order to be able to do it. [not that thats
out of the question - just the motive behind it] it would make me feel like
i'm gross or something..

but it think it is also easier to master the task on a man than on a woman.

Re:  #33
Ack!  Just as the guys are safely talking themselves into believing that
that they've correctly diagnosed and solved the problem, just like the
hosts on Car Talk did with that clutch cable that kept breaking on the
highway, and that the problem is no threat to the competence or honor of
Real Guydom, and now you go and say something like that! 

resp:20 I never meant that I thought it was an exercise in power.
I've been led to believe that girls don't like to give head for a 
variety of reasons.
Here are a couple I have heard.  

1) they think it's dirty
2) they think that the man is becoming dominant over them (feminist 
response)
3) they don't like the taste of the penis/ejaculate
I was responding in part to response #2

Any other reasons why some ladies don't like to give head?

the more pig-like man could then consider that woman as slutty.

        I don't think it's an easier task to master with a man than a woman,
though perhaps there's a Kinsey three or two in the confrence who could 
comment from experience rather than speculation.  I'd speculate that for
competence, you'd need more of a psychological angle with women than men, but
that for truly outstanding sex you'd need a lot more than just physical skill
with either gender.

        Women don't like giving head to men?  I must've been lucky as hell,
then.  I've noticed in my admittedly skewed sample that some women have had
issues with giving head to orgasm, and that wasn't generally a problem, but
it seemed more that they considered it less intimate, and therefore only
foreplay, than anything else.  I've also noticed, in a few rarer cases,
people who've had issues due to past relationships or inexperience who are
very awkward about head, but did initiate it (as a side comment, I really
have to say not a one of them was bad;  perhaps lacking in skill, but making
up for it in honesty and connection).

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss