put helpful advice here

335 responses total.

(1) when using a gas stove, make sure there isn't any gas floating
    around when lighting matches

(2) always turn pot handles in towards the center of the stove top.

(3) do unto other as you would have him do unto you. ;)

 (4) always remove the plastic toys from the cereal box before making your
     breakfast

(5) Never eat spinish with a stranger
er, spinach
or something like that

(6) drive on a parkway and park in the driveway.

(7) when smoking a filtered cigarette, light the end without the
    filter, and breathe through the end that isn't lit.

(8) stop smoking

(9) if something can go wrong, it will.

 (10) if nothing can go wrong, it still will anyway

 (11) What goes up, must come down

 (12) What comes down, must be dodged or it'll splat on your head

Re #8: I have, I have.  I'm so happy, and my lungs are feeling better already
=)

(13) A sucking chest wound is just nature's way of telling you to slow down.

(14) Never write or send a letter while angry

(15) When in the market for used mixing boards, don't buy a board from someone
     who is selling their board because they didn't have time to fix it...
     even if you think you can fix it, you too will find that you won't have
     enought time either EVEN IF YOU LIVE TO BE 102... 

     (anyone looking for a board with a few bugs?  It's really not as bad as
     I made it sound...)

(16) When doing unto other, check with him first to see if its ok (see "(3)").

(17) Whne speaking with a suicidal, never tell them the plot of "My Girl."

(18) When in doubt, better not to try.

#18, come on now...

 (19) When in doubt, do it anyway, just do it big... if you are going to make
      a mistake, give 'em a whopper!

(20) A soft answer turneth away wrath, but be prepared to duck.

(21) when using shower, make sure rubber mat is firmly in place.

(22) peanut butter will stick to the roof of your mouth if it is
     on top of the jelly.

(23) Talk is cheap because the supply exceeds the demand.

(24) Experience teaches you to recognize a mistake when you've made it again.

 (25) measure twice, cut once.

(25) Experience is the best teacher, and at the cost it should be. (With
a tip of the hat to zook.)

   (26) When eating fortune cookies, remember to take the fortune first.

(27) Old mustard jars make great containers for storing old mustard.

(28) Never let an artichoke get the upper hand.

 (29) Look both ways before eating a melon

(30) Six of one is half as many as a dozen of the other.

(31) Don't order ribs at a lunch interview.
(32) Never order hash at a restaurant called "Moms".

 (33) Make sure brain is in gear, before opening mouth to commit to 
something or someone.

 (34) Always make sure you have enough money for the ride home.

 (35)  Keep your feet on the clean side... you never know when you will end 
       up putting them in your mouth (or someone else's mouth!)

(36)  Use aftershave after shaaving to prevent razor burn.

(37) Don''t stick your elbow
     Out too far
     It might go home
     In another car.
(suggested by #36).

(38) Don't leave electrical appliances near pools of water.

(40) Warranty may be void unless manufacturer's instructions are followed.

(Renumbering because of duplicate #25.)

(41) Never look a horse in the gift mouth.

 (42) Timao Danaos et dona ferentes
or my favoured version ;)
 (43) Beware of Trojans, they're complete smeg-heads.

"."

alternative to #3
  Do unto others AS THEY WOULD HAVE YOU DO UNTO THEM.
after all, one person's meat is another person's poison!

re #30: you misunderstood (3). ;)

(44) Never tie yourself to more than one person romantically unless
     they all know about it.

This response has been erased.

Hey!  Welcome cadet940886@yogi.nmmi.cc.nm.us, "banks"
I'm new to the whole e-mail thing, but I'm eager to start participating.
Any suggestions?

This response has been erased.

(48) When welcoming yourself to a system, be clear enough not to confuse the
experienced staff members who try to direct you.

(49) All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.

(50) You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.

(51) The school of hard knocks is an accelerated curriculum (with a tip of
the hat to rcurl).

This response has been erased.

53      When in doubt, whip it out.

  I didn't. I always allow for the return trip. And since it's only
$1.50 there really is no problem.

But we *NEVER* leave without first providing fare both ways.

- Backtalk version 1.3.30 - Copyright 1996-2006, Jan Wolter and Steve Weiss