Grex Scruples Conference

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Grex Scruples Item 96: The upset acquaintance
Entered by aruba on Sat Dec 10 05:34:09 UTC 1994:

   As you're leaving work for lunch you happen to see a coworker with
whom you have been friendly, and had conversations with, but with whom
you don't work directly.  She is obviously very upset, and has been
crying.  You ask her what's wrong, and she says something unintelligible
angrily, and walks quickly off toward her car, motioning for you not to
follow.  What do you do?

10 responses total.

#1 of 10 by chelsea on Sat Dec 10 13:31:17 1994:

I go to lunch and hope she is able to resolve whatever is causing
her distress.  A few days later I may again approach her privately
and say something like, "I sure hate those kind of days...  By the
way, if you ever need a someone to talk to, I'm here."  And I'd leave
it at that.

#2 of 10 by roz on Sat Dec 10 18:43:10 1994:

I wouldn't follow.  I might subtly ask around folks in her department
to see how she is doing (in general) just to make sure she's not 
suicidal or anything.

#3 of 10 by booth on Thu Dec 15 02:57:00 1994:

Try to talk to her.  Follow her for a brief moment, if she continues to 
want to be alone fine.  Often though, people will want to talk to someone
and will just feel uncomfortable at the thought of sharing with someone new.

Make the effort to be a friend and you'll find more people will do you the same
courtesy

#4 of 10 by simcha on Fri Dec 23 15:52:51 1994:

I try never to ask what's wrong unless I really want an answer and
also am close enough to deserve one.  (Close friend, not spatially)

Two reasons:  people in open offices don't have real privacy, so
it is courteous to give them "virtual" privacy; i.e., ignore what
they might prefer we not see.  Also, I have 60 people working for
me and several are VERY emotional.  I am not good at sympathizing, I've
learned.  If you are boo hooing because your boyfriend's dong died, it 
<oh god, how do I edit??? That's dog not *dong*   :-)>
may be significant to you, but to me it's an irritation.  I have
employees who cry because their co-worker was mean to them.  My
test is if my 6 year old can handle the issue, I have 0 tolerance.

So if you are not an initmate friend or my longtime secretary, I will
not ask.

#5 of 10 by chelsea on Sat Dec 24 01:42:48 1994:

(I love that type!)

#6 of 10 by chelsea on Sat Dec 24 01:43:10 1994:

Er, typo.

#7 of 10 by aruba on Tue Dec 27 05:39:55 1994:

Yup, that's classic!

#8 of 10 by remmers on Fri Dec 30 20:25:55 1994:

Freud is chuckling in his grave...

#9 of 10 by simcha on Tue Mar 14 15:26:01 1995:

So am I (not in my grave tho) and I have since learned to edit.

#10 of 10 by ewhisam on Thu Dec 28 03:39:53 1995:

Leave her alone

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