Grex Scruples Conference

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Grex Scruples Item 53: The secret pregnancy
Entered by carson on Mon Aug 8 08:52:28 UTC 1994:

(one of your friends tells you she's pregnant! she's decided to not carry
to term. she hasn't told the "father" yet, and doesn't plan to. The
"father" also happens to be a friend of yours.)

(do you tell the "father"?)

12 responses total.

#1 of 12 by davel on Mon Aug 8 12:16:00 1994:

Why the scare quotes on "father"?

#2 of 12 by scg on Mon Aug 8 15:59:55 1994:

I would certainly hope if somebody was getting pregnant they would have a
close enough relationship with the "father" to be able to tell him, but if
they don't it's not really any of my business.  Depending on the father's
views on abortion, it might be better for him not to know.

#3 of 12 by omni on Mon Aug 8 19:47:39 1994:

   If I even thought that I was responsible for a pregnancy, I would do
all I could to aid that child to birth, including marraige. I firmly believe
that two people should be married before sex, and if that means being 
the worlds oldest virgin, at least I can be proud of the fact that no
woman suffered because of what I did t her in a moment of passion.

   I think it is reprehensible for not informing the father. Certainly
there is no love, and I weep for that child.

#4 of 12 by dang on Tue Aug 9 01:18:02 1994:

very hard decision.  probably.

#5 of 12 by brenda on Wed Aug 10 01:43:48 1994:

I would feel very guilty, but I wouldn't tell the father.  I would
assume the girl had very good reason for not wanting him to know.
But I *would* do my best to talk her into telling him, and at
least giving him the opportunity to tell her how he feels about it.

#6 of 12 by yagi on Sat Aug 13 17:32:50 1994:

        I'd try to get her to tell him, and if not would give her an
        opportunity
to attempt to convince *me* not to tell him... she might be able to do it
easily, but as the baby is in part his responsibility as well, and in part his 
creation, I think he ought to at least know. I'd also try to convince her to
carry it to term, if only to give it up to adoption afterwards... though  she
*might* be able to convince me that she shouldn't do that either... though
probably not as easily....

#7 of 12 by canis on Wed Aug 17 22:10:48 1994:

        For a new twist, consider this......
Same situation, but now you have learned that she was being sexually abused
and was impregnated from the abuse, now would you tell the father?

#8 of 12 by carson on Thu Aug 18 05:11:22 1994:

re #1:  (I didn't think of them as scare quotes. I meant to use the
        word "father" in the procreational sense rather than the
        parental sense.)

#9 of 12 by toy4me on Fri Nov 11 02:06:27 1994:

Maybe the father doesn't really want to know -he may feel safer that way"."
"."

#10 of 12 by zook on Sun Nov 13 22:28:18 1994:

Original Q:  Sounds like I am a good friend to both parties.  It is my
responsibility to be there for both of them, including sympathetic shoulder
and all that.  Moreso if secrecy plan fails.  It is NOT my responsibility
to foist my own opinions/morals on them.  I would keep my big mouth shut.

Followup question.  No, I would not tell the father.  I would tell the
police.  I would consider physically assaulting the father (especially if
she was a good friend).

#11 of 12 by ewhisam on Thu Dec 28 00:42:03 1995:

Friends are friends dunno.

#12 of 12 by diznave on Sun Nov 9 08:02:12 1997:

I invite the father over, and offer him some buns. I tell him they're in the
oven. When he sees that my oven is empty, I start winking like crazy.

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