Grex Scruples Conference

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Grex Scruples Item 126: Item #3
Entered by hiv on Tue Aug 22 04:08:35 UTC 1995:

Okay, you find out from your s.o. that previous to your realtionship, that
your s.o. did have unsafe sex, with someone who may have HIV. But still
they are unsure, and very frightened... what would your advise be in this
case...

(Okay, I know these items all sound the same, but they will have
differences as time passes...)

8 responses total.

#1 of 8 by canis on Tue Aug 22 05:16:13 1995:

Linking from sex as #126 in scruples.

#2 of 8 by selena on Tue Aug 22 06:44:20 1995:

        Was there really a need for three items, hiv? This could have been
        posed as a triple-
sided question in just one item.

#3 of 8 by tyger on Tue Aug 22 11:25:39 1995:

get tested just to be safe what you don't know CAN hurt you and even though
you there is no cure you may be able to have a better life from knowing by
enjoying the years left and that way maybe have time to do the things you
always wanted to besides by knowing you could be a little safer if you hadit
and had sex

#4 of 8 by hiv on Tue Aug 22 15:38:10 1995:

Well, as I said, the items are all necessary, as more replies show up, I'll
post several different secenaros, in them... But I need more responces, and
somthing more detailed than, I'd tell them to get tested. Well that is all
well and good, but would you go with them? Would you console them? If so, how?
What would you say? Remember, in this item the person you are closest to 
besides family, has just told you that in there past they may have had unsafe
sex with someone they didn't know had hiv, or was promiscusios, what do you
say? Do you break up with them? Do you keep going out? Would you get tested?
What would you do?

#5 of 8 by brighn on Tue Aug 22 17:11:38 1995:

O.k., this item has enough information to comment...
First of all, don't break up with them over a concern like that.  
Depending on how long it's been, it become more and more unlikely that
the SO in question has been infected.  Even if they HAVE been infected,
HIV is not a death sentence.  AIDS, so far, is, but 5 to 10 percent of
people with HIV don't appear to be getting AIDS (some have had HIV for
16 years).  As far as your sexual behavior with them (if any), just 
because a person is AWARE that they MIGHT have been exposed, that 
doesn't make them any more or less likely to have been infected than
someone who has been promiscuous but is not acknowledging the risk:
in short, use whatever safe sex measures you should use with *anyone*
(except, POSSIBLY, a virgin, but *shrug* you can never tell who's being
homest about their virginity, either).  So... in sum:
-- Don't end the relationship
-- Counsel them that if it was a minimal number of encounters, the risk
is low (not absent, but low)
-- IF it's been more than two or three years, counsel them (Again) that 
the longer signs don't show up, the better the situation is
-- If they're concerned about it, or you are (as you seem to be), 
encourage testing.
-- And, Hell yes, if they're an SO comfort the Hell out of them
-- You might also want to get educated about AIDS *facts*, not the 
scary nyths that are being propogated by Celibates Anonymous.  HIV
and AIDS are scary diseases, but not nearly as infectious as the 
mainstream media would have you believe.  A single encounter MAY and
HAS caused infection, but in the large majority of cases, it doesn't.
Hope this helps.

#6 of 8 by hiv on Tue Aug 22 19:03:54 1995:

Now that was a good responce keep 'em comming...

#7 of 8 by selena on Thu Aug 24 07:35:02 1995:

        And that is as well as I could manage, given the above data.
The other two items are far too open-ended.  This one makes the
situation far more personal and understandable.

#8 of 8 by ewhisam on Thu Dec 28 04:24:29 1995:

Get tested

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