Grex Recovery Conference

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Grex Recovery Item 16: The hurting.
Entered by jaklumen on Mon Jun 3 08:03:06 UTC 2002:

The addiction cycle often has roots in past wounds or threats to 
sanity.  Physical, emotional, and sexual abuse; neglect; and sometimes 
mental illness (usually in the context of the previous two) may hurt 
us in ways for which we cannot find immediate relief.  We may choose 
an addictive substance or stimulus which soothes the pain for a time, 
but ultimately brings more problems.

This is an item to discuss such pain, and what we have found to be 
better solutions to bring about our healing.

3 responses total.

#1 of 3 by jaklumen on Fri Jul 5 08:25:28 2002:

I am learning to let go.  It is hard.  My feelings toward my mother run 
bittersweet; she taught me well, but at such a cost.  Threats of 
blackmail.  Extortion.  She had me worrying about dieting when I was 
10, and it's taken a lot to develop a positive self-image, particularly 
in body.  So much emotional abuse-- and I was played sometimes with her 
mother, my grandmother who doted on me to a fault.

I recently stopped a medication that had a terrible sedative side 
effect.  She and my father have noticed that I've become much more 
productive as a result (besides moving to a city with more job 
opportunities).  I've been praised.  I try to remember that, and forget 
all the cruel things she's said for so long.

Taking bullying and other unhappiness in school has brought a lot of 
disillusionment and jaded feelings that I'm reversing.  I reach just to 
daydream again-- to value the starry-eyed visions I once had, not to 
escape any longer, but to stretch out with passion to make real, to 
make true.

Fatherhood has been a treasure.  In my daughter, I find so much love 
and joy-- and so much more appreciation for my wife.  My future is with 
them, and my present is also with them.  It is time to leave the past 
behind.

#2 of 3 by cmcgee on Fri Jul 5 12:05:24 2002:

I have a son who had terrible drug problems.  I did my very best, the
best I knew how.  So did my mom, with me.  Who knows what damage I
inflicted along the way?  I hope that my son will find a good therapist
at some point, one who can help him sort out what happened and how to
move past it.  That's what it took for me.

#3 of 3 by jaklumen on Sun Mar 23 06:01:00 2003:

At least you did do your best.  It bothers me when I hear about 
parents that didn't care or didn't parent.

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