M:  I used to say, "My goal in life is to be happy".  But that was too hard - 
    you can't arrange to be happy, and you can't maintain happiness once you 
    get there.  Really you can only be happy for short periods of time. 
    
    So then I decided my goal would be to be "comfortable".  Well, that's also 
    hard to achieve, unless I were to arrange everything carefully, and then 
    what would happen is things would intrude, and that would irk me, and I 
    wouldn't be comfortable after all.  I would be bored, too, if I had 
    everything arranged. 
    
    So lately I've decided that my goal is to be *alive*.

W:  That's it?  That's all you want, is to be alive?

M:  No, you don't understand - I don't mean "alive" in the biological sense.  
    I mean something much greater.

W:  Well, what, exactly?

The above is a conversation I had with my stepfather a number of years ago.  I 
have been trying to answer that last question ever since.  Here are some 
things I have come up with: 

Alive means animated; things are happening.  The cosmos are astir locally - 
the world is agitated near the center of the aliveness.  An alive person has 
ideas, and dreams, and imagination, and love.  An alive person grows and 
learns and cares. 

Alive means being part of something bigger; having tendrils that reach out to 
other centers of aliveness and send energy back and forth.  When aliveness is 
really strong in someone, I mean just oozing out of her pores, you can feel it 
just by being in the same room.

We all have worlds that we inhabit, by which I mean the set of people we meet 
and places we go and ideas we entertain.  An alive person keeps his world 
large, and expandable, and always keeps in mind that there is plenty of room 
to expand into.  Because none of us can understand the whole universe; all we 
can do is travel through it like an ant through a museum.  There's always 
unexplored territory.

Alive does *not* mean happy, or harmonious.  Alive people are not happy or 
comfortable all the time.  If you are alive, you are buffeted by the waves of 
agitation around you.  That means you'll sink low and fly high, get angry and 
get passionate and get hurt.  You will love, and probably hate, sometimes 
succeed and sometimes fail, but above all *make things happen*.  To be alive 
you have to piss some people off, and fight for what you believe in. 

When something bad happens, an alive person experiences it, and feels it, and 
allows it to move her.  She places herself before the winds of badness and 
says to them, "Do your worst, you bastards!"  Then the badness does its worst, 
which is rarely fatal.  And the alive person picks herself up, dusts herself 
off, shakes her fist at the winds and screams her defiance.  Then she begins 
over again, knowing that the worst is past and it's time to move on.  Someone 
who spends all her time avoiding bad things ends up afraid, and dead.  How can 
you appreciate good things if you don't see the bad ones?  Pleasure and pain 
are two sides of the same coin; they are both part of being alive. 

I think a lot of people are walking around mostly dead.  They carry death with 
them like a cage.  It shows when they do the same job for years on end when 
they are bored to tears by it.  It shows when they obsess about bad things 
that have happened, and don't move on.  It shows when they resent it that 
anyone else seems to be alive.  It shows when their lives get so full of 
duties that there is no time or energy for anything else.  It shows when they 
just don't care about anything. 

Here's part of a poem I like a lot; you can find the full text in 
/u/aruba/.plan :

we're anything brighter than even the sun
(we're everything greater
than books
might mean)
we're everyanything more than believe
(with a spin
leap
alive we're alive)
we're wonderful one times one

That's by e. e. cummings.  You can see what he thinks of being alive: it's 
brighter than the sun, it's greater than knowledge, and it's "everyanything 
more than" belief.  I think he's right.

79 responses total.

Wow.

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I like it.  In fact, your "alive" sounds a lot like what Thoreau
meant when he said "awake."  

This item is linked from Reality 27 and Agora 66, to
Intro 16.  Type "join reality" at the Ok: prompt for
discussion of life, the universe, and all that.  Or,
type "join agora" for general discussion.

Part of my life is on autopilot but not all of it!
(I need a rest every so often.)

   A wonderful item, Mark.  I know what you mean.  For lack of a
better word, I've called that quality "sparkle".  Some people
have it, and some do not.  Anyone can get some I think, but most
never do.

   I remember a friend in the 2nd grade who had it; I have lost
track of her these days, so I can't see what she is like now.  That
was my first experience with this concept.

   Didn't Shakespere say in a play (cleopatra?) "It is possible
Octivian, that when you die, you shall die without ever having
been alive at all" ?

Fine item.  I guess my ideals are similar in many ways, but I have a hard
time getting there.  My capacity to really feel sometimes seems kind of
limited to me.  I think I protect my emotions too much.

But I've always found it relatively easy to be happy.  Encountering any great
wonder makes me happy, and great wonders hit seem so dense in the universe
that you *have* to ignore some of them just so you don't spend all your time
sitting around going "Oh Wow!"

This morning I wandered out on my balcony into the branchs of a maple tree
that stands in front of my apartment.  It's blooming.  I've lived among maple
trees most of my life, and I never knew they had flowers.  Lots and lots of
flowers in clusters on the tip of every branch.  Of course, they are solid
green.  Finding stuff like this makes me happy.  I can be happy with very
little, because in this world even very little is so unbelievably much.

But I tend to settle for passive pleasure instead of striving to live as fully
as I can.  Maybe that's OK, but probably not.

Reminds me of a quote...

"You're closer to birth then you are to death...
    Act like it!"

"Every man dies; not every man truly lives."
                        -someone in _Braveheart_

Re #3:  Michael, in what work does Thoreau describe what he means by "awake"?
I'd like to read it.

Re #6:  STeve, I can't find that quote on my Complete Works of W.S. CD, but
it's a good one, wherever it comes from!

huh?

Flem, I think that was Sir Martin Riggs that said that from Braveheart

Often lately I've been feeling as though I was continuing through
life asleep, or in this context "dead", and that troubles me.  I
desire happiness, but it seems to be so intangible and fleeting
that, as a goal for life, it is one which is condemned to greater
failure than success.  Therefore, the "aliveness" you allude to
has become my own objective.  To attempt to discover, or even to
create a measure of vibrancy in my existance.  The last few weeks,
however, the routine, mundaneness of the everyday had ground that
feeling out of me.  Made me forget.  Made me forget to really _be_.
Many thanks, Mark, for this item.  Thanks for making me remember.
I want to wake.  I want to _live_.

i will always regret leaving that particular e.e. cummings poem
out of the impressionistic systhesis paper (included PCezanne and Monk
for impressionism in other forms). First reason was space, stupider
reason was that i didn't quite comprehend it as a Sr. in high school
a while back.
  
Thank you for reminding me of it.
  
Regardless, even having left it out, i have tended to be "alive" in
that sense most of the rest of my existence (to the dismay and tsk-tsks
of many). They can suck swamp water, i live with a spinleap now and then.

This response has been erased.

I've always though that the phrase "variety is the spice of life" is mostly
misunderstood.  Spice is nice, but a meal made of nothing but spices is
neither nutrious, nor satisfying.  Before you can spice up your life with
some variety, you ought to have something to put the spices on.  Sure, seek
new experiences, but you ought to establish a basically sane and comfortable
routine too.  So long as you don't let yourself get stuck in it, routine can
be a real pleasure.

Routine is important.  Our bodies function better when there is a routine.
If you think your life is too boring, turn off the TV or CPU and go DO
something ;)

But my CPU *never* get's turned off... :)

I knew a girl like that...
<dodges french bread>

Well frogive a new person for being rude, but I think this is a crock.  What
matters to me is that people respect me, and the way to get their respect is
to work hard and do what's required of me, and *then* show some imagination,
perhaps.  Nobody respects people who flit around and have ideas but don't do
any work.  The world would be pretty fucked up if everyone were like that.

To respect is not necessarily to enjoy. Since we can experience all sorts
of emotions, among which is the most pleasurable, pleasure, it seems to
me that life should be lived to enjoy, so long as one's own enjoyment
does not jeopardize anyone else's. Simple drudgery does not seem to
ensure that. Incidentally, the world *loves* people that flit around and don't
do any work - that's the whole entertainment enterprise. All they
create is pleasure.

(Scott suggests that devo read the "Math Item" if he thinks aruba just "flits
around")

devo--how does the definition of "alive" here given imply "doing nothing"?

Re #22:  Thanks for saying that, Scott, but I should make it clear that I
never meant to imply that the definition of "alive" applies to me very well.
I am, according to #0, mostly dead.  Being alive is an ideal I strive toward.

I'd like to hear more, devo.

Well, certainly, to respect is not necessarily to enjoy.  But if you don't 
have respect, you don't have jack.  And yes, people pay a lot of attention to 
the entertainment industry, but do the people in it get any respect?  Look at 
how they treated Hugh Grant when he did something stupid.  Everyone turned on 
him. 

Scott, my response was not meant as an attack on the author of this monograph, 
but since you suggested it, I did check out the math item.  It's not anything 
serious - just people solving useless problems.  How is that not a waste of 
time? 

I didn't say the definition of "alive" was the same as "doing nothing" - just 
"doing nothing important".  My point was, the monograph made it sound like the 
greatest thing in the world was to have some weird mystical "aliveness".  
That's not what makes the world go around.  The fact is, strong people win and 
weak people lose.  Being strong is the only way to be.

Internal strength is where real strength resides. 
  
I really need to go find a couple of poems that were part of an
exam in comparisons (an English Lit class). One featured (roughly 
remembered) a person sustained only by the support of the surroundings
and the other sustained by internal, independent support reagardless
of the surroundings.
  
That was another class in which i had to ask for a review and present
more detail to support the "A" i eventually earned rather the the "C"
that was so blithly issued at first. I was politically incorrect even
then.

Sure, the math item is recreational, but I think the point is that
the problems being solved there are not easy, and you don't gain
the skills necessary to solve them by spending your life flitting
idly from flower to flower, as you seem to interpret aruba's text
as saying people should do. I don't think that's what he's saying
at all.

Look at those basketball players bouncing that silly ball around
the court. How is that useful? They must be pretty weak.

What is that line of bunk about using only your program text editor for
everyting...I guess you do not have time to learn anyting else letting
youself play in the currents of time and space.

Re #25: Yes, the treatment of Hugh Grant proves entertainers don't get much
respect.  Question: in what kind of work *do* people get lots of respect?
I've heard plenty of Mother Theresa jokes.

Your last paragraph suggests that what we should set out to do is "something
important."  Such as what?  Discover a cure for cancer?  Make another person
smile?  Trim your toenails?  I'm curious. What do you consider important?

Certainly, devo, , this mystical "aliveness" does not necessarily involve
being productive (whatever that word may mean), but it does not preclude
productivity either.

The alive I see in aruba's #0 has almost nothing to do with how
others see you or how you want others to see you or what you
can do to be of value to others or any of that stuff.  It's
beyond that by far.  It has to do with yourself.  Scary stuff
to most people who measure their worth by how much they are
loved, needed, respected, etc. by others.  It's a whole different
set of rules.  

Grex is alive - it is not on auto-pilot. well said chelsea, btw.

Yes, Mary, I thought your response was very interesting too. I hadn't quite
thought of it that way before, but I think you're right.

te be alive is to function on a plane that's in tru accordance with your will.
So, more or less, you make things happen by decisions, whether concious or
subconcious, you make.  

The problem is, there are too many people in the world who think like devo.
It makes me so angry when people say that everything is about work and
accomplishing things.  What the hell kind of life is that?  How can I be
"alive" when I always have to fit someone else's idea of what I should be
like?

can anyone explain me how this system works ?

Fisrt you build an obsidian altar under a full moon. Then you get a hamster,
the bigger the better . . .

how's it work? just fine!

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