Grex Poetry3 Conference

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Grex Poetry3 Item 75: "Click" by toking 19APR99 1:00 A.M.
Entered by toking on Mon Apr 19 06:31:32 UTC 1999:

"Click"

She says I'd look real good in stripes
and all I can think is that the lights must be going out
one by one
click by lonely
solitary
click
and when they're all gone
man
their ain't no turning back
I looked her in the eye
and the reflection winked back at me
smiling and saying that I wasn't allowed inside
I knocked one last time
turned and walked away from one more locked door
hoping to find a less dicriminating me
hiding behind the next mirror
I pulled my hair straight back
mildly reminiscent of a cracked out Steven Segal
tied it up and hoped that no one at work would ever know the real me
locked outside myself and anything close to human understanding
I threw my head into the wall
knowing that aged yellow bruises
are so much better than red and running scars
that simply signify this lack of self control or self inflicted delusion
so I blink
so I blink
so I'm blind
and I find my mind isn't wandering anymore
and I'm sitting in front of this big blue screen
mindlessly clicking away
forming 3-D computer generated models
of corrupt corporate america
and slowly realizing that I'm dwindling
into nothing more than a glorified secretary
and the depression of real life 
is so much worse than the depression of my fantasies
and I slowly go about turning out the lights
one by one
click
by lonely
solitary
click

15 responses total.

#1 of 15 by arianna on Thu Apr 22 21:22:42 1999:

if you were to enter this one, joe, I'd sit down and rearrange it a little.
if you'd like me to give you some of my ideas, just holler.  otherwise, it's
good.

#2 of 15 by toking on Fri Apr 23 08:02:10 1999:

uhmmm....O.K., as it is, this was my first attempt at putting on paper how it
came out of my mouth...but any arrangement sughgestions would be appreciated
(to hear it, try htt://members.aol.com/daeddog1/click.mp3  bout 500K, 1.5
minutes)

#3 of 15 by toking on Fri Apr 23 08:02:57 1999:

http://members.aol.com/daeddog1/click.mp3  that is

#4 of 15 by toking on Mon Apr 26 09:26:58 1999:

O.K. kids...I decided to play with this, mostly the change is simply in
layout with other slight changes to make it easier to be read aloud...



"Click" mark 2

She says
"You'd look real good in stripes"
and all that I can think
is that the lights must be going out
one by one
click
by lonely
solitary 
click
and man
when they're all gone
their ain't no turning back
I looked her in the eye
and the reflection winked at me
smiled
and said I wasn't allowed inside
I knocked one last time
turned and walked away
from one more locked door
hoping to find a less discriminating me
hiding behind the next mirror
I pulled my hair straight back
mildly reminiscent of a cracked out Steven Segal
tied it up and went to work
hoped that no one here would ever know the real me
locked outside myself
or anything close to human understanding
I threw my head into the wall
knowing that aged yellow bruises
are so much better
than red and running scars
that simply signify
this lack of self control
or self imposed delusion
so I blink
so I blink
so I'm blind
and I find
that my mind isn't wandering
and I'm sitting in front of this big blue screen
mindlessly clicking away
forming 3-D computer generated models
of corrupt corporate america
slowly realizing that I'm dwindling
into nothing more than a glorified secretary
and the depression of real life
is so much better
than the depression of my fantasies
and my fantasies 
are all that keep me breathing
so I go about
turning out my lights
one by one
click
by lonely
solitary
click




I'm thinking that this is the final version, but 'm also thiking that I
may ditch the line:

"from one more locked door"

and completely kill the Stevel Segal bit....any suggestions?

#5 of 15 by bookworm on Tue Apr 27 22:25:47 1999:

I like this, Joe.  Hope Jon and I will get to meet you in A2 this 
summer.

#6 of 15 by toking on Wed Apr 28 00:32:14 1999:

if I can make it I'll be there :)

#7 of 15 by bookworm on Wed May 5 00:44:52 1999:

Good.  We'll be looking for you.

#8 of 15 by toking on Thu May 6 16:46:45 1999:

(P.S. This did much better than I expected it to Tuesday night, I think
it would have done at least a little better if I hadn't stumbled around
in the middle of it for about 5 seconds trying to remember the next
line)

#9 of 15 by orinoco on Thu May 6 20:21:46 1999:

FWIW, I didn't really notice the stumbling.

#10 of 15 by bookworm on Fri May 7 18:23:09 1999:

nor did I

#11 of 15 by toking on Fri May 7 19:52:43 1999:

of course you didn't julie...you didn't hear it :)

(I may have overexagerated it to myself at the time, but I felt like a
fish out of water trying to remember that next line)

#12 of 15 by orinoco on Fri May 7 23:26:50 1999:

Usually that sort of mistake is much more noticeable to the person who makes
it than to the audience.  You know perfectly well where you tend to pause,
so you realized that you were pausing for what felt like forever.  The rest
of us don't know where you usually put pauses, so we'll accept a pretty big
gap as something intentional.

#13 of 15 by bookworm on Fri May 7 23:35:52 1999:

I've done that a time or two.  You'd be surprised how many people read 
right through them without pausing.

#14 of 15 by lumen on Wed Jun 2 02:04:02 1999:

This seemed like a beat poem to me, especially with the Steven Segal 
bit-- did you read it to a musical setting?

Just my interpretation of the style-- it's different from your usual 
lyrical songstyle poems.

#15 of 15 by toking on Thu Jun 3 14:20:05 1999:

uhmm...no....no musical setting, just me all nervous and trying not to
look like it

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